


I want you back.

by KrazyForKurtbastian



Category: Glee, Kurt Hummel and Sebastian Smythe - Fandom, Kurt and Sebastian - Fandom, Kurtbastian - Fandom, Sebastian Smythe - Fandom, kurt hummel - Fandom
Genre: Burt has cancer., Crying, Depression, Flirting, Longing, Love, M/M, Mentions of homophobia and assault, Panic Attack, Post-Break Up, gay anal sex, proposal
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:40:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 46,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26381284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KrazyForKurtbastian/pseuds/KrazyForKurtbastian
Summary: Just months after their reluctant breakup Sebastian Smythe & Kurt Hummel run into each other in a NYC club. There are feelings...so many feelings.
Relationships: Jeff Sterling and Nick Duval, Kurt Hummel and Sebastian Smythe
Comments: 96
Kudos: 27





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Polovamilena675](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polovamilena675/gifts).



> I didn’t really know how to sum this up. It’s kinda angsty. Lots of feelings 
> 
> Burt’s cancer has returned.

Sebastian Smythe yawned. It was late. He was tired, tipsy, bored. He sipped his drink. From the bar, he gazed around the too dim, too crowded, too hot, too stuffy dance club. He took another sip, spotting his friends on the dance floor, Hunter and Thad had both picked themselves up pretty girls, while Nick and Jeff moved together, definitely leaving no space between them for Jesus. They as always only had eyes only for each other. Sebastian it seemed would be the only one going home alone tonight. That wasn’t unusual lately. 

He was ready to head there now. He threw back the last mouthful of his scotch and stood from his stool. He weaved his way through writhing bodies to get to Jeff. He tapped his blonde friend lightly on the shoulder. “I’m outta here,” he yelled over the thumping music. “I’ll call you in the morning.”

“What?” Jeff released Nick and stepped closer as he struggled to hear Seb over the din. 

“I’m done,” Seb was already focussed on the exit.

“But you can’t go,” Nick, barely overhearing, protested. “He’s here.”

“No,” Sebastian shook his head. “I would have seen if he’d come in.” He’d been watching the door all night hoping his ex would show up, hoping he might be able to get just a small glimpse of him.

Nick gestured towards the seating to the left. “Unless I’m mistaken,” he yelled. “That’s definitely Kurt over there Sebastian and he is looking mighty fine.”

Sebastian’s heart skipped a beat as he followed Nick’s gaze across the room and his eyes landed on Kurt Hummel. His Kurt Hummel, except not so much anymore, not for almost 3 months now. Nick was right he did look mighty fine. Kurt always did. Right now he was exactly as Seb remembered him, impeccably groomed, flawlessly dressed. He was beautiful. Sebastian missed him so much that it hurt. 

“Go talk to him,” Jeff urged Sebastian, nudging him in Kurt’s general direction. “You know you want to.”

Sebastian shook his head, turning towards the door. “I’m out of here.”

“Don’t look now,” Nick grabbed Seb’s arm to halt him. “But he’s coming this way.”

“I need to go,” Sebastian had felt weak at the first sight of Kurt. His instinct was to flee but then he heard Kurt’s voice behind him. Goosebumps covered his entire body. He froze.

“Sebastian?” Kurt yelled over the noice. “Sebastian is that you? I thought that was you.”

Sebastian plastered on a smile as he turned to face the love of his life. “How are you?”

“Oh you know,” Kurt was standing so close. Sebastian could smell his cologne. So familiar and enticing, a distant memory now from a whole other life, a life where they’d been together, where Sebastian had been happy and so glad to be alive. 

Sebastian nodded lamely, meeting Kurt’s pretty eyes. On close inspection Kurt looked tired. His insomnia must be plaguing him again. That happened when he was under stress. Sebastian felt sympathetic as he took Kurt in. He thought of the many nights they’d laid together in each other’s arms, kissing and laughing and whispering sweet nothings to each other when Kurt couldn’t sleep. Now every night as he lay alone those were probably the times Seb missed most. 

“You look good,” Kurt smiled. He rested his hand casually on Seb’s bicep, balancing himself as someone pushed past him. They were the only two on the dance floor not moving. Sebastian sighed. The touch was so innocent but it set Sebastian’s whole body alight. 

“Thanks,” he responded awkwardly. The noise made any real conversation impossible. 

“Can we?”Kurt gestured towards the door.

Sebastian hesitated. He’d been dreaming about this moment since they’d parted ways just over two months ago. Every morning, every afternoon, every evening, every night he’d thought about it. At least a dozen times every day something would happen and he’d have to fight the urge to call Kurt and share it with him, except they didn’t get to share things anymore. They were no longer a couple. 

“I’ve missed you,” Kurt spoke against Sebastian’s ear, his warm breath on Seb’s neck sending chills through Sebastian’s body. 

Sebastian grimaced. That hurt to hear. He met eyes with Jeff. Jeff was grinning and giving him a thumbs up. Sebastian nodded reluctantly at Kurt, what did he have to lose at this point? He’d already lost what he treasured most, Kurt’s love.  
Sebastian followed Kurt to the exit and out into the cool night air. He pulled his jacket tightly around him looking at Kurt expectantly.

“So hi,” Kurt forced an awkward smile.

“I heard you were back in town,” Seb guarded himself.

“Just for a week,” Kurt nodded, “I heard you’d be here.”

“Jeff or Nick?” Sebastian vowed in his mind to kill them both or maybe thank them. He hadn’t decided yet. Kurt looked so good and he smelled so good and Sebastian wanted him but he couldn’t have him. This was too painful.

“Jeff,” Kurt chuckled. “He’s worried about you.”

“I’m fine,” Seb lied. He hadn’t been fine since Kurt had left New York, since Kurt had left him in New York. 

“You really do look good,” Kurt seemed sad. “How are you? Seeing anyone?”

“No,” Sebastian frowned. Of course he wasn’t seeing anyone. It had only been a couple of months since Kurt had left him. He still couldn’t look at another man without making a comparison and none measured up.

“Not even a date?” Kurt fished.

“No,” Sebastian’s frown deepened to a glare. “What do you want Kurt? It’s late. I’m drunk and I’m tired.”

“You’re so beautiful,” Kurt sighed. He’d also had a lot to drink. “I miss you. Why’d we break up again?”

“You know why,” Sebastian sighed.

“It wasn’t my fault,” Kurt knew that wasn’t entirely true.

“We could have tried long distance,” They’d discussed it a million times before Kurt left. 

“How Seb?” Kurt sounded defeated. It hurt to be face to face with someone he loved with his whole heart but not be able to be with him. “I still don’t know how long I’m going to need be there. It wouldn’t work. Long distance doesn’t work”

“I’m not Blaine,” Sebastian couldn’t believe they were having this conversation on the street. He didn’t want to. He stepped away, in the direction of his near by apartment. 

“I know that,” Kurt fell into step beside him. Sebastian hadn’t anticipated that.

“I would have come with you,” Sebastian sounded pained. Living back in Ohio would honestly have sucked ass and not in the good way Sebastian enjoyed but he’d have done it anyway to be with Kurt.

“I know that too,” Kurt nodded. He wanted so desperately to take Seb’s hand like he had a million times before as they’d walked home together after a night out but he didn’t dare. Sebastian’s hand was no longer his to hold. Kurt regretted that so much. “I couldn’t let you uproot your life and leave your job for me Sebastian. Not when we didn’t know how long this would take. Not when we still don’t know. You’re on the verge of junior partner. You love that law firm.”

“I love you more,” Sebastian retorted honestly. 

“Oh Seb,” Kurt grimaced.

“How is your dad anyway?” Sebastian checked.

“That’s why I’m in town,” Kurt’s face fell. “He needed to come for treatment.”

“I’m sorry,” Sebastian had become very fond of Burt in the time he’d been with his son. He had been almost as devastated as Kurt when Burt had announced his cancer had returned. Things had only got worse too when it became apparent that Carole wasn’t coping and that Kurt would have to go home and help care for him. “Please give him my best.”

“He’d love to see you,” Kurt smiled, stopping beside Sebastian as they reached an intersection. They waited together for the lights to change.

“I don’t think so,” Seb shook his head. “That would just complicate things with your new man.”

“New man?” Kurt frowned. “Who told you that? I don’t have a new man Sebastian.”

“I saw you on social media with Sam. I think that’s what the tag said his name was. You looked very cosy,” Sebastian was clearly jealous. He stepped off the pavement as the traffic stopped.

“You’re jealous,” Kurt smirked still beside him.

“Don’t.” Sebastian snapped at him. “You know how I feel about you.”

“I didn’t know if still...” Kurt trailed off.

“Always,” Sebastian confirmed. 

“Sam isn’t anyone,” Kurt tried to appease Sebastian. “He’s practically my brother and he’s straight and not my type.”

“What? Pretty and blonde isn’t your type?” Sebastian rolled his eyes.

“Not really,” Kurt shrugged. “I prefer them tall, green eyed and smoking hot. Sporty, I kinda have a thing for lacrosse players who can carry a tune.”

“Sure you do,” Sebastian sounded unimpressed. They were quickly approaching his building and he felt torn about whether to invite Kurt up or not. He was leaning toward the not, in preservation of his heart.

“There’s been no one else Sebastian,” Kurt needed him to know that. “Turns out you’re difficult to get over.”

“How flattering,” Sebastian scoffed. “This is me,” he stopped outside his building. The same building where they’d shared an apartment and a life together just months earlier.

Kurt stopped too. “I remember,” he sighed.  
“Aren’t you going to invite me up?”

Sebastian looked down at his shoes and subtly shook his head. “Do we really think that’s a good idea?”

“We could have a coffee and talk,” Kurt responded hopefully.

“What do we have to talk about Kurt?” Just being with Kurt again was breaking Sebastian’s heart. “We’ve talked this thing to death. I had to stay. You had to go and instead of trying to wait it out while your dad recovered, instead of letting me support you through it, you ended us.”

“I made a mistake Sebastian,” Kurt looked gutted by Sebastian’s words.

“Yeah you did,” Sebastian agreed his tone snarky. “And me inviting you up now would be just as big mistake. We both know they’ll be no talking going on up there. You’ll batter those gorgeous bedroom eyes at me because that’s what you do and I’ll fall at your feet because that’s what I do and we’ll stay lost in each other all night because that’s what we do Kurt and it will be fantastic and magical. Then the sun will rise and you’ll walk out my front door and leave me all alone with my broken heart again. I love you with my whole fucking heart. I adore you Kurt, every fucking thing about you. Your stupid diva pop music, your gazillion skin care products, your horrendous taste in movies... I adore it all. I can’t watch it all walk out my front door again. So I’m sorry but I can’t invite you up. It’s too painful.”

Kurt’s eyes welled up as he listened to Seb rant. Every word he spoke Kurt felt with his entire being. He loved Sebastian just as much. All his little quirks, his too strong coffee that always made their apartment smell so welcoming, his obsessive love of sports and his relentless need to share that with Kurt even though Kurt couldn’t tell a strike out from a touch down and his soft oversized hoodies. Kurt missed those the most. He’d never felt safer than when he was wrapped up in the warm cosiness of Sebastian’s clothes and his comforting scent. 

Kurt wiped away a single tear that slid down his cheek. He’d cried a million of them the last few months. For his dad, in loneliness and self pity and for his lost love. What had been so bad about trying long distance? It hadn’t worked for him before but that was with Blaine. They’d been kids and Blaine had cheated. Sebastian wasn’t Blaine. He was so totally not Blaine. He was loyal and faithful and so loving and even now, even after Kurt broke his heart he still looked at Kurt with total adoration as if the sun undeniably rose and fell in him.

“Please don’t cry,” Sebastian pleaded softly. He reached his arms out to Kurt. It was instinct, his deeply entrenched need to protect Kurt from pain. Kurt was helpless to resist. This was the man he loved more than life itself, to hold him again after all this time, when he thought he might never again was an opportunity he could not pass up.

Kurt stepped into Sebastian’s embrace. He buried his face in the taller man’s neck, tears flowing as he wrapped his arms around him, clinging tight. Sebastian rubbed up and down Kurt’s back tenderly, soothingly. “Shhh baby,” he whispered into Kurt’s hair. “Shhh I’ve got you.”

Kurt closed his eyes. He inhaled deeply, calming himself, savouring the moment, locking it away in his vault along with all his other precious memories he possessed of this man and their love. Kurt must have been crazy to ever let him go. He had been very stressed about his father’s medical status at the time and he’d panicked but that really wasn’t an excuse. 

Burying his nose in Kurt’s hair Sebastian breathed him in, placing a soft peck to Kurt’s forehead as Kurt’s sobbing eased. Kurt looked up into Sebastian’s eyes sadly, their foreheads resting together.

“I need to kiss you now,” Kurt warned Sebastian quietly. 

Seb instantly released Kurt. He stepped back, putting space between them. He gently shook his head.

Kurt’s heartbreak showed on his face. He couldn’t hide his disappointment. Looking at Sebastian now Kurt knew with certainty that he’d given up on their love way too easily, that he’d misjudged the strength of their connection. Even after two months with no contact at all their love, their attraction to each other was so strong. It made Kurt think maybe long distance, daily calls, zoom chats, regular visits until his dad was well again might be viable or at least worth a try. He wanted Sebastian back in his life because Seb had never left his heart, not for a second.

“How long are you in town for?” Sebastian asked curiously. 

“All week,” Kurt informed him quickly. “Just got in today.”

“I’m sure you’re busy with your dad but maybe if you have a spare hour or two we could catch up over dinner or lunch or something,” Sebastian suggested nervously. “It’s probably a horrible idea. You don’t have to.”

“I’d love to,” Kurt nodded enthusiastically. “Tomorrow night works. Actually any night is good or all of them.”

Sebastian smiled softly. “I’ll make us a reservation that little Italian bistro we used to love. Do you remember it?”

“Of course I do,” Kurt was buzzing with excited anticipation. Sebastian was asking him out. There was hope. “We went there on our first date.”

“And on our first anniversary,” Sebastian reminded Kurt. 

“That was such a fun night,” Kurt recalled nostalgically. They’d shared pizza and drunk cheap wine by candlelight then danced and laughed the evening away, barely making it back to their then new apartment before their clothes had come off. It had been a truly great night. 

“Would 7:00pm suit you?” Sebastian checked. 

“6:00pm would be better. Then I won’t have wait so long to see you,” Kurt replied honestly. 

“I’ll meet you there,” Sebastian suggested as he slowly backed away towards the door of his building. 

“Sure,” Kurt agreed. He couldn’t wait and he didn’t want right now to be over yet either. For every step Seb took back Kurt took one towards him. “Do you want to come to the diner around the corner for pie?” Diner pie had been a Wednesday night tradition of theirs. They’d meet at the diner after Sebastian was done with Lacrosse practise each week and share a slice. They’d worked their way through the entire menu multiple times.

“Haven’t been there since you left,” Sebastian shook his head. “I think I’ll just head upstairs. I’m kinda beat. I’ll see you tomorrow though. Is it too much to ask if you’d mind texting me when you get back to your hotel so I know you got home safe?”

“I can do that,” Kurt nodded. He still knew Sebastian’s number by heart plus it remained saved in his phone. “Is your number still the same?”

“It is,” Sebastian nodded. “Do you need it?”

“I have it saved up here, Kurt pointed to his head reciting Sebastian’s number. 

Sebastian loved hearing that. He had however deleted Kurt’s number the day Kurt had left for Ohio. He’d been so devastated and it had only served as a reminder that he’d been left alone.

“Goodnight Kurt Hummel,” Sebastian smiled, giving Kurt a playful wave as he opened the building’s heavy door. 

“Good night Sebastian Smythe,” Kurt grinned back, watching Sebastian step inside before taking out his phone and ordering himself an Uber. His hotel was deliberately close by but he didn’t want to risk walking alone at night. He’d learned that lesson the hard way back when he was still with Blaine. Never again. 

Tonight of all nights Kurt had to get home safely. He had a text to send to Sebastian. He hoped it would be the first of many. Their first step to reuniting. Kurt had missed Seb so much. He’d looked so good tonight, he’d felt so good in Kurt’s arms. Kurt needed him back and he couldn’t wait. He cancelled his Uber and headed with determination through the door Sebastian had just entered. He wasn’t taking no for an answer.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt discovers that sometimes love just isn’t enough but he’s not giving up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This makes me sad 💔  
> No warnings: no kissing, no sex, just a little cursing 
> 
> Mentions The Boys tv show. I’ve been careful not to give away spoilers.

Sebastian, buzzing with excited anticipation couldn’t stop smiling as he bounded his way up the three flights of stairs to his apartment, two at a time and let himself in. As he turned on a light his mind whirled frantically with thoughts of Kurt. Kurt, who had looked so flawlessly good tonight. Kurt who had felt so good in his arms tonight. Kurt who he’d regretfully found the urge to resist tonight. It had been the toughest decision he’d ever made in his life. He’d never wanted a person as badly as he wanted Kurt tonight. He’d felt like his own worse enemy when he’d told Kurt no but he had to be cautious. He had to protect himself a little. No one knew how he’d suffered when Kurt had left him.

Sebastian thought back to that time as he crossed through his living room to the fridge in his kitchen. It had been so difficult he recalled as he opened the fridge door and took out a bottle of still water. He opened it and took a long gulp then braced himself as Kawhi came dashing at him from the bedroom, jumping up against his legs with excitement and distracting him. “Settle boy,” Sebastian smiled down at the Beagle, giving him a soft scratch behind his floppy ears. “I’m pleased to see you too buddy.” Sebastian loved this dog to bits. He’d been a gift from Niff after Kurt left, a rescue, he was maybe two years old and beautifully trained. He’d been the perfect antidote for Sebastian’s loneliness. They’d hung out a lot. The little guy had forced Sebastian to stay active when all he’d felt like doing was curling up and wallowing. He’d helped Sebastian so much.

Kawhi sat now. He waited patiently while Seb collected his food from the pantry and then filled his bowl. Kawhi ate while Sebastian headed for his bedroom, water once again in hand. Seb wanted to get out of his club clothes and put on something more comfortable to take the dog out before they went to bed.

Sitting his water aside, Sebastian removed his jacket and tossed it on his bed. He pulled a shirt and hoodie and sweatpants from his closet then began to unbutton his shirt. He had just dropped it into the laundry hamper when he heard a knock at his door. He grinned. No doubt it was Jeff and Nick, probably Hunter and Thad and their ladies too. Sebastian’s friends often crashed at his place after a night out. Rocking up at all hours whenever they’d had their fill of drink and dance. Sebastian lived more centrally than any of them did. His place was convenient and Sebastian encouraged it. “I’m coming,” he called, not blinking an eye as he followed Kawhi to the door and flung it open, shirtless with a welcoming wide grin.

Kurt’s wide eyes darkened and be swallowed hard as he very obviously looked Sebastian up and down. “Damn,” he gasped as Kawhi barked at him. He hadn’t expected to be greeted with so much skin, so much lean tight muscle, so much Sebastian.

“Inside,” Sebastian chastised his dog. Kawhi pattered back to his food dish as Sebastian hiding his body behind his door addressed Kurt. “Oh I thought you were someone else,” he grimaced.

Hurt filled Kurt’s eyes. Sebastian had told him there was no one else. “Umm... sure...Sorry you’re expecting company I should go.” Kurt floundered, stepping backward. That explained why Sebastian hadn’t invited him up. He’d been trying to be polite downstairs giving Kurt the brush off because he was expecting a booty call. Kurt should have expected that. Sebastian was beautiful. He was kind and sweet. He was an incredible lover. Kurt had to expect that other men would want him. He had no one to blame for that but himself. 

“We’re catching up tomorrow,” Sebastian reminded him, wishing he’d picked up his T-shirt on his way to the door. He didn’t know why he felt so self conscious in front of Kurt. He could tell by Kurt’s face that he liked what he saw and It wasn’t as if Kurt hadn’t seen him shirtless before. It wasn’t as if Kurt hadn’t removed a million shirts from his body and spent hours lavishing the skin beneath with loving attention. He couldn’t pretend that had never happened. He didn’t want to. Sebastian had so many regrets in life but being with Kurt would never be one of them.

“Right,” Kurt nodded his eyes downturned. He gnawed at his bottom lip as he turned to leave. “I’ll see you at 6. Yeah?”

“Ugh,” Sebastian groaned. He reached out his hand to Kurt halting him. “If you can wait just five minutes while I change you can join me to take Kawhi out.”

“Okay,” Kurt pepped up. 

Sebastian left the door open and headed towards his bedroom. Kurt remained in the hall. “You can come in,” Sebastian called back to him. “Make yourself comfortable.”

Kurt tentatively stepped inside. He looked around the apartment he’d once shared with Sebastian. It looked almost the same. The dog, his bowl, bed and toys were new and all the photos of him and Seb together that had once adorned the place were gone. Kurt should have expected that but somehow he didn’t. It hurt. 

He took a seat on Sebastian’s sofa, the one they’d chosen together when they’d first moved in with each other and waited. He patted Kawhi when the dog curled up on the sofa beside him. 

“Well look at you traitor,” Sebastian mock glared as his dog as emerged in his casual clothes with the dog’s lead in hand. He smiled as he attached the lead to Kawhi’s collar. It was nice to have Kurt back in their home again. “He doesn’t usually warm to people like that,” Sebastian told Kurt. “I’ve had him a month and he still won’t go anywhere near Hunter.”

“You have a dog,” Kurt responded lamely. “He’s cute. He suits you.”

“You suited me,” Sebastian retorted passively aggressively. “But yeah I have a dog. Niff decided I needed a friend.”

“They love you,” Kurt smiled. He was glad that he and Sebastian had their friendship and support. They were good people. Kurt knew they wanted him and Sebastian back together.

“Do you?” Sebastian sighed. He gestured toward the door, leading Kawhi in that direction. Kurt followed Sebastian out into the hall and waited while he locked up. 

“Who were you expecting when you opened the door to me?” Kurt asked as they headed for the stairs. He knew he sounded like a jealous bitch and he knew he had no right to be jealous. He had relinquished any rights he had to dictate Seb’s sex life when he’d moved out but still he needed to know.

“I wasn’t expecting anyone,” Sebastian shook his head, keeping a tight hold on Kawhi’s lead. The little guy always got super excited about walks “I thought you were the guys.”

“They won’t be here tonight,” Kurt responded knowingly. “Jeff text me while I was on my way upstairs here demanding that I spend the night wrecking you.”

“I’m sorry,” Sebastian looked slightly embarrassed as they reached the bottom of the stairs.

“It’s fine,” Kurt chuckled a little, holding the door open for his ex and the dog “Personally I think it’s a great plan.”

“You didn’t answer my question,” Sebastian looked horribly uncomfortable.

“Do I really need to?” Kurt frowned a little as he followed Seb out onto the pavement. “We both know how I feel. We both know I never would have left if I’d had any other choice. We both know where we were heading Sebastian. This, us, it was wedding bells, a white picket fence. It was kids and grandkids. It was forever Seb. Of course I love you.”

“Then why did you sabotage us?” Sebastian mumbled. He was in obvious pain as he let Kawhi lead him up the street .

“Because I’m a coward,” Kurt admitted, looking down at the pavement as he kept in step. 

“You cut me off completely Kurt,” Sebastian inhaled deeply. “I’m hanging out with Jeff and there you are texting with him and I suppose I’m glad because at least I know you’re okay but didn’t you want to text me too?”

“At least a million times a day,” Kurt admitted. 

“You could have at stayed in touch,” Sebastian stopped walking. “We could have stayed friends. Aren’t I worth your friendship at least?”

“How could you and I be friends Sebastian?” Kurt sounded so anguished. “There’s too much... too many feelings, so much emotion and history tied up in what he had. All those memories. How could all that love be diminished into friendship? How could we ever just be that to each other?”

“If you feel that way, why did you let go?” Sebastian focussed his attention on Kawhi who was sniffing a parking metre. 

“I didn’t,” Kurt confessed. I never stopped loving you, not for one second.”

“You’re killing me,” Sebastian raised his voice. “You turn up here out of nowhere and say all this shit. What am I supposed to do with it Kurt? I never wanted to break up. I wanted to brave it out. I wanted to put in the time and support you and Burt and I know it would have been difficult and it would involved a lot of phone time and zoom calls and travel but I’m worth it Kurt. We were worth it and the alternative has been the worst. The last 11 weeks without you have been the absolute worst.”

“You’re right,” Kurt admitted as they waited while Kawhi peed. “Everything you’re saying is right. I should have been braver. I should have kept in touch. I should have been open to trying the long distance thing with you.”

“Zoom sex would have been hot,” Sebastian speculated as they turned and headed back towards his building.

Kurt grinned. “You’re impossible.”

“Yet you love me anyway,” Sebastian shrugged, adjusting his grip on Kawhi’s lead. 

“Indeed I do,” Kurt agreed. He watched  
the dog. “His name is so unusual. What is it again?”

“Kawhi,” Sebastian boasted proudly. “After Kawhi Leonard.”

Kurt stared back at him blankly.

“The basket ball player,” Sebastian rose an eye brow. “The fun guy from the Clippers”

“Oh from Miami?” Kurt tried but really had no idea who Sebastian was talking about.

“Or Los Angeles,” Sebastian laughed. “Never mind. Let’s just say he’s a great player and any dog would be lucky to be his name sake.”

“Kar-Why?” Kurt attempted to say the name. He had never heard of the player before. Ask him about musicals and he could tell you anything you wanted to know but sports were a total mystery to him.

“Close enough,” Seb grinned, without even thinking he held the door open for Kurt to enter his building.

Kurt did his best to mask his surprise. He wanted back in Sebastian’s life, back in his bed, too much to question it. He simply headed up the stairs, not stopping until they reached Sebastian’s door. 

Sebastian let them in and closed the door turning on a light. He unclipped Kawhi’s leash and filled his water bowl before realising that he’d inadvertently invited Kurt up. 

“Can I get you a drink?” He asked politely. “Water? juice? I don’t have Diet Coke sorry.”

“Water is fine. Thank you,” Kurt stood awkwardly by the kitchen counter. This wasn’t his home anymore. He felt awkward in the space.

“Are you hungry?” Sebastian checked, reaching Kurt a water from the fridge. “I can throw us together a cheese plate,” he offered. Sebastian always kept his fridge and pantry full of food for when the boys dropped by. 

“It’s 3am Sebastian,” Kurt shook his head gently.

“So,” Sebastian shrugged. “Do you have somewhere else you need to be?”

“No,” Kurt responded firmly. He was exactly where he wanted to be, at Sebastian’s side. “Can I help?”

“Crackers are in the pantry,” Sebastian smiled as he grabbed a couple of gourmet cheeses and some sliced salami from the fridge. He took his cheese board from the corner cupboard and placed it on the counter top. He arranged the food onto the board, rinsing and adding a small bunch of grapes from his fruit bowl. When he was done Kurt added some crackers.

Feeling uncertain neither of them moved. 

“I want you back,” Kurt blurted. “We should put on a movie,” Sebastian spoke over the top of him.

They both paused.

“What did you say?” Sebastian spoke next. 

“I want you back,” Kurt repeated. “When you answered the door tonight and said you thought I was someone else. I thought you were expecting a booty call.”

“I wasn’t,” Sebastian frowned. “I haven’t since you...” his voice trailed off. They both knew what had happened. They didn’t need to keep saying it.

“I was so jealous Seb. I don’t want you to be with anyone else. I want you to be with me. I want you back,” Kurt’s voice shook with anxiety but purpose.

“You say that now,” Sebastian sounded sceptical. He picked up the cheese plate and stepping around Kawhi moved it to the coffee table. “But what happens at the end of the week when you have to return to Ohio?”

“We have a week to work that out,” Kurt wasn’t sounding confident. “I honestly don’t know. I just know I’ve missed you and I don’t want to spend a moment longer without knowing you’re mine.”

“I love you,” Sebastian sounded torn. He gestured for Kurt to sit down.

“I love you too,” Kurt smiled sadly as he sat on the sofa. Sebastian moved back to the kitchen, getting cheese knives and quickly returned choosing an adjacent chair rather than the spot beside Kurt. That didn’t go unnoticed by Kurt as he watched Seb sit the knives on the edge of the board.

“Have you seen the new season of The Boys yet?” Sebastian checked as he picked up the remote and turned on the television.

“I couldn’t,” Kurt shook his head reaching for cracker. “It was kinda our show.”

“It was,” Seb agreed watching Kurt cut himself a small piece of cheese. He hadn’t watched the newest season of the show either for this same reason. It had been their Sunday evening ritual to open a bottle of red and snuggle on the sofa and stream tv. The Boys had been one of many shows they’d enjoyed together. 

“I’ve heard Jensen Ackles is going to be in Season 3.” Kurt offered before taking a bite. 

“Jeff did mention that to me,” Seb nodded. He watched Kurt’s lips as he chewed. He missed those lips. Why had he chosen the chair instead of the sofa? He wanted to be close to Kurt but he knew he couldn’t trust himself to be. He had meant it when he said downstairs that he was helpless against Kurt’s charms. Falling into bed with Kurt tonight would affect his ability to make sound decisions about their future. It would make him too vulnerable. He needed to stay strong. The small physical distance between them made him strong.

Seb took a few grapes from the bunch on the board and sat back with Kawhi nestling by his feet. They began the second season of The Boys. He glanced over at Kurt who was so close and yet so far away. It almost felt like old times. Almost.

They chattered about the show as they watched, each expressing their disgust for particular characters. Kurt really disliked Homelander. Sebastian thought The Deep was worse while that both agreed Butcher was the best.

“I’ve missed this,” Kurt sighed. “Dad and Carole watch sports and Hallmark. It’s mind numbing.”

“I can get on board with the sports,” Seb shrugged. “I’ve even started watching ice hockey. Who’d have thought?”

“I thought hockey was a poor man’s lacrosse,” Kurt teased.

“That’s field hockey,” Sebastian defended his previous claim. “Ice hockey is different.”

“Jeff told me you’ve been killing at Lacrosse. Top scorer in your team,” Kurt sounded proud. 

“Top in the competition,” Sebastian boasted. “I’ve had a lot of anger. I’ve been working it off on the field. I’m playing Monday night at NYU. You should come if you don’t have plans.”

“I’d like that,” Kurt smiled. He’d always attended Seb’s games when they were together. Sebastian played hard and always looked so masculine and sexy out there on the field. Some of their best sex followed Sebastian’s lacrosse games. Kurt hoped Monday night might be more of the same. The thought crossed Sebastian’s mind as well. They watched their show and chatted. They nibbled at the cheese, finding comfort in each other’s company. 

“You’re welcome to take the guest room,” Sebastian yawned as the credits began to run on the second episode of their tv show. Their cheese plate was now depleted and Sebastian who had been tired when he’d left the club was now exhausted. “The sheets are clean. I make Nick change them whenever they stay. Who knows what those two get up to in there?”

“I could take the guest room,” Kurt hesitated, rising to his feet as Seb turned off the tv. “Or...”

“I’m not having sex with you tonight Kurt.” Sebastian stated bluntly. 

“We don’t have to,” Kurt tried not to be offended. “We could just...I really just want to hold you. I miss holding you.”

“We both know if you’re in our bed there’s going to be way more than holding going on,” Sebastian wanted Kurt to hold him too, more than anything but he wasn’t that naive. 

“You called it ‘our’ bed,” Kurt replied emotionally.

“I’m tired,” Sebastian huffed. “Don’t read too much into it. You’ll be comfortable in the other room.”

“Why are you doing this?” Kurt was struggling to read the mixed signals Sebastian was giving him. He said he loved him. He hadn’t asked him to leave. He was warm for the most part and yet he was maintaining a peculiar distance between them. It was frustrating. 

“You broke my fucking heart,” Sebastian roared angrily at Kurt, startling him. “You can’t just... I need...” Sebastian slowly inhaled then slowly exhaled. He shook his hands out in front of his body, attempting to calm himself. He breathed deeply again. “I need time to decide if I can trust you not to flee on me again.”

“I think I might go,” Kurt backed away towards the door, missing in the irony of his action in relation to Sebastian’s fears. They’d had their share of fights over the years, over money, or who was supposed to pick up milk or about Kurt spending too much time at work and in the end about their break up which Kurt had insisted was necessary but never before that Sebastian ever spoken to Kurt like that, with so much rage and almost hatred in his tone.

“Might be best,” Sebastian agreed. His tone now surly rather than angry. Of course Kurt was leaving again. “It’s what you do best.”

Kurt simply nodded, turning for the door, truely realising for the first time the true impact their breakup had had on Sebastian, how betrayed Sebastian felt, how he’d destroyed Seb’s trust in him and their love. Jeff had told Kurt that Sebastian hadn’t been doing well. Kurt hadn’t been doing great either. His life had lost light without Sebastian to share it. 

Kurt had assumed when he’d boarded his flight to New York with Carole and his dad, when he’d headed out on Jeff’s instruction to that club, when he’d walked Seb home tonight that their love for each other, that their wildly mutual attraction to each other and their overwhelming desire to be together would be enough to make it so. He knew now that their situation wasn’t that simple. Sebastian was justifiably angry. He was rightfully harbouring resentment. Kurt had let them both down. He’d walked away from Sebastian, from their life, their love, their promising future. He cut Sebastian off completely because he’d been afraid and Sebastian had taken that personally. 

Kurt’s problem was that he’d done long distance before with a child and he’d gotten hurt. He should have known though that Sebastian was different. Sebastian was a man. A man that cherished him. Kurt should have trusted him and their love. Sebastian had never given him a reason to think he shouldn’t or couldn’t.

Sebastian’s eye never wandered. He never flirted with other men. He never even checked out Hunter when he stayed over and wandered around their apartment in the morning in his underwear. Hunter was hot. Kurt couldn’t deny that sometimes he looked. Sebastian never did. He had always been blindly loyal to Kurt. Kurt had been such a fool. He fucked up so royally. “I’m so sorry,” he muttered as he reached the door.

“Tomorrow night at 6,” Sebastian smiled weakly. “Well I guess it’s tonight now. It’s almost light out.”

“I’ll look forward to it,” Kurt half smiled back. He opened the door and stepped out into the hall. He took a final regretful glance at Sebastian’s forlorn form over his shoulder and pulled the door closed behind him. Frozen on the spot, his body coursing with adrenaline Sebastian whimpered as he heard the click of the door latching. A single tear ran down his cheek as he stared at the closed door. He swiped it away angrily. He could shed no more tears for Kurt. He loved him infinitely but no. It was time to put the pain behind him. They had their chance how to repair this but for that to happen Sebastian had to let go of his fury. He had to forgive, maybe not forget but definitely forgive. He just hoped, as he finally moved to turn off his lights and go to bed, that he could forgive. It was the only hope he and Kurt had of ever getting back together again. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt has a suitor and it does not impress his ex.

On just two hours sleep Kurt dragged himself out for breakfast with Jeff. He felt exhausted, drained, everything last night with Seb, everything with Burt, just being alive right now. it was a lot. He had the longest day ahead of him. Surgery for his dad and then his date with Sebastian. Both potentially very stressful events. A very large, very strong coffee was definitely in order.

“Nick had an early meeting and is sorry he couldn’t make it but he wants to catch up for dinner before you head back to Ohio,” Jeff smiled at Kurt apologetically, hugging him and placing a peck to his cheek before they took a seat at their table. “I don’t mean to be rude sweetie,” Jeff grimaced. “But you seriously look like shit. Have you had any sleep? I take it you and Bastian went hard at it last night. Bow chicka wow wow!”

Kurt shook his head, his face forlorn. “Not so much,”he sighed, sitting his phone down on the table and reaching for the menu. “What’s good here?” He asked giving it a quick peruse.

“I usually get a bagel but Nicky swears by their waffles,” Jeff reached across their small table and pointed out the list of bagels on Kurt’s menu. “What happened?” He asked with concern. “You did go home with him right?”

Kurt nodded as he glanced over the bagel options. “I think he hates me,” Kurt grimaced. “I’m more in love with him than ever and he hates me.”

“He doesn’t hate you,” Jeff shook his head, picking up a menu himself. “That man adores you Kurt.”

“I made a horrible mistake,” Kurt sighed as a waiter approached. 

“We can fix it,” Jeff took Kurt’s hand on the table and gave it a supportive squeeze.

“Aren’t you two so cute?” their waiter interrupted focusing his attentions on Kurt. “What can I get you this morning Sweetheart?”

“I’ll take the largest, strongest coffee you have,” Kurt requested pleadingly. 

“Just bring us two large mugs and the pot,” Jeff smiled at the waiter. “I’ll have a blueberry bagel, extra cream cheese and the fruit salad,”

“Just the fruit salad for me,” Kurt smiled wearily. The bagel did sound good but he decided if he was going to win Seb back he needed to look his best and stay off the carbs. Seb would never want him if he was pudgy and gross. It seemed Seb didn’t want him anyway. Kurt was feeling so rejected, so distracted. 

He didn’t even notice their smiling waiter look him up and down before he left or that Jeff was still holding his hand. “Seb will come around,” Jeff promised Kurt looking concerned. “He was really hurt when you left. We got him the dog to help but he was still kinda a mess.”

“You know it was hard for me too,” Kurt pulled his hand back, massaging his throbbing temple. “I thought I was saving us pain. I still don’t know how much longer Dad’s going to need my help for and I didn’t want to string him along forever.”

“He doesn’t see it as being strung along,” Jeff scrunched his nose. “I think he just really wants to be there to support you. He loves you and your dad.”

“They were close,” Kurt acknowledged. “They bond over sports. Dad and I never had that. I loved he and Sebby did.”

“Seb does love his basketball,” Jeff grinned.

“He told me he’s started watching ice hockey too,” Kurt shrugged. “Meanwhile I’m still trying to understand Lacrosse.”

“You don’t know the rules yet?” Jeff narrowed his eyes. 

“I’ve picked up a few over the years,” Kurt defended himself, looking around for the waiter. Where had he gone? Kurt really needed that coffee. “All I know is that my man always looks crazy hot out there playing it.”

“You should come to our game on Monday night,” Jeff suggested. “We’re playing at NYU. Come cheer him on. He’s been like a man possessed since you left. He’s totally kicking ass.”

“He did invite me along,” Kurt smiled weakly.

“Then he definitely doesn’t hate you,” Jeff smiled encouragingly. “If you’re serious about wanting him back come along, be there for him, show him you’re on his side.”

“I’ve always been on his side,” Kurt sighed in frustration, then again with relief when the waiter arrived with their coffee. He poured a cup each for both men then sat the pot on the table. 

“Your food won’t be long,” he smiled warmly at Kurt. 

“Thank you,” Kurt smiled back politely as he left again. 

“He’s thinks we’re together and he’s flirting with you right in front of me,”  
Jeff scowled. “How rude. I’m not tipping him.”

Kurt grinned. “The man brought me coffee as far as I’m concerned he can have my first born.” Kurt inhaled his coffee then took a long relieved gulp.

“If he has anything to say about it I think he’ll be the baby daddy,” Jeff rose an eyebrow, watching their waiter eye Kurt from across the diner. “Look at him over there checking you out.”

“So not my type,” Kurt shook his head, sipping more coffee. 

“Eyes not green enough for you?” Jeff smiled.

“Something like that. Seb does have the most beautiful green eyes,” Kurt agreed. “What am I gonna do?”

“Be patient,” Jeff suggested. He held his coffee mug with both hands, sipping it repeatedly. “He’s yours. He just needs reassurance. Text him, tell him how much you loved seeing him last night. Send him his favourite cookies... I don’t know... maybe he just needs time.” 

“I only have a week,” Kurt grimaced.

“We both know that’s not true,” Jeff shook his head. “You just have to be open to communicating with him. I love you but cutting him off like you did was a dick move Kurt.”

“I know,” Kurt nodded as the waiter returned with their food, deliberately avoiding eye contact with the inappropriate man. 

They ate in silence for a bit, both lost in thought.

“When are seeing Seb again?” Jeff spoke first, his mouth full of bagel.

“Tonight for dinner,” Kurt smiled. “He’s making a reservation at our bistro. I’m so nervous. I have no idea what to wear.”

“A blue shirt and the tightest pants you own,” Jeff suggested. “He won’t be able to resist you.”

“He did last night,” Kurt pouted. 

“I’m not sure that’s a bad thing with everything still so raw between you,” Jeff tried to hide his concern. “You two have so much history and you hadn’t seen each other or spoken to each other in months.”

“He said I broke his heart, that he doesn’t trust me,” Kurt grimaced popping a wedge of pineapple into his mouth. “He yelled at me. I’ve never seen him lose his temper like that before.”

“He has been harbouring this horrible anger since you left.” Jeff picked at his fruit salad. “You two were inseparable for four years Kurt. He was under the impression that it was forever. We all were. That no matter what other shit went down that you would be the one sure thing in his life that was always be solid. Hunter told us he’d been looking at rings. Then you walked away Kurt. I know you had a reason and it was legit but you had other options.”

“I broke my own heart too,” Kurt grimaced. “I promise I had the best intentions. I didn’t want to hurt him. I know that I did though and I wouldn’t blame him if he never forgave me or wanted to see me again.”

“He does want to see you though,” Jeff reminded Kurt. “You two will work this out. You’re Kurtbastian.”

“Haven’t we asked you not to call us that?” Kurt scrunched his nose. 

“It’s cute though,” Jeff chuckled. “Just like the two of you together. A year from now your dad will be well, you’ll be back here in your apartment with your Seb wondering what all the fuss was about. I’m sure of it.”

“I hope you’re right,” Kurt tried to muster a smile. “I really need a win. I’m so worried about dad’s surgery today.”

“I’m sure he’ll be fine,” Jeff reassured Kurt. “We’re all in his corner. Please tell him Nicky and I send our love.”

“Thank you,” Kurt nodded. He finished his coffee and refilled his cup. He noticed the waiter still watching.

“I bet you $10 he slips you his number with the bill,” Jeff rolled his eyes. “I know his type and I don’t like it.”

“Maybe if you showed more interest in me. It wouldn’t happen.” Kurt joked. “You’ve not been a very affectionate date.”

“I held your hand,” Jeff grinned. 

“That’s amateur stuff,” Kurt smiled back. “You need to be offering me food from your fork and where are your long adoring gazes into my eyes?” 

Jeff poked a cube of watermelon with his fork. He looked deeply into Kurt’s eyes as he offered it to Kurt. They giggled together as Kurt took it into his mouth.  
“That’s more like it,” Kurt grinned as he chewed. 

Jeff rolled his eyes playfully. “I’ve missed you Kurtie. Nick and I really need to take some time off and come visit you in Ohio. We could help out with your dad. Even bring Sebastian with us. It’s been ages since we’ve been home to see our parents.”

“Carole does most of the day to day stuff with dad,” Kurt explained. “Mostly I’m helping out running Dad’s garage. I’m managing the place, keeping the books, organising the staff, servicing cars.”

“I’m sure he appreciates it,” Jeff smiled, finishing up his food. He checked the time on his phone. Nick’s meeting would soon be done and then they were hitting a farmer’s market together. Jeff was looking forward to a relaxing day with his husband but he was worried about Kurt and Burt and also Sebastian. 

“He does,” Kurt almost smiled as he too finished eating. “Its almost that time isn’t it? I guess I should be getting to the hospital.”

“I could walk with you,” Jeff offered. The hospital wasn’t too far from where he had to meet Nick and Nicky wouldn’t mind if he was a few minutes late. His meetings rarely finished on time. 

“Yeh, I’d like that,” Kurt nodded. He stood from his chair and pushed it in, finishing a final gulp of coffee before taking his phone from the table and sliding into his jacket pocket. 

“We better go and pay your new boyfriend,” Jeff smirked at Kurt. “I’m so glad I got to be here for your first date.”

Kurt rolled his eyes and scrunched his nose. “Just for that I think you should be shouting breakfast” Kurt bantered.

“Sure,” Jeff chuckled. “Only so you can avoid the dude though. You go. I’ll be out on second.”

“Thank you,” Kurt smiled at his friend. He scurried outside, while Jeff went to pay, taking the time to shoot of a quick text to Sebastian. 

Jeff was quick. He exited the diner laughing smugly. “This is for you” He slapped a sheet of paper against Kurt’s chest. “You owe me $10,” He gloated. “That dude in there,” Jeff read the name from the note. “Logan... he’s smitten.”

“Fantastic,” Kurt looked less than impressed as with no trash can in sight he shoved the number into his pocket. 

“You two could have beautiful babies together.” Jeff teased Kurt as the headed off in the direction of the hospital, “and live happily ever after.”

“I’ve already found my Prince Charming,”  
Kurt reminded his blonde friend. “I just need to convince him I’m not a frog.”

“I can put in a good word for you,”  
Jeff offered. “Not sure it will help though.”

“We’ll see how tonight goes. I might just take you up on that,” Kurt replied uneasily as they weaved their way along the crowded pavement to their destination. 

“It was great to see you today,” Jeff pulled Kurt in for a tight hug. “I’ll catch you on Monday at lacrosse yeah?”

“I’ll be there,” Kurt squeezed his friend. 

“Don’t forget to give your dad our love and please Kurt if you need anything at all just call us okay? We love you,” Jeff pecked Kurt’s cheek as he released him. 

Kurt smiled. He nodded thanking Jeff. “I think I’ll grab myself another coffee from the cart over there,” he gestured to a busy coffee cart just a little further up the street. “I’m not sure I’ll make it through the day otherwise.”

“Okay,” Jeff eyed Kurt with sympathy. “Well I need to go meet my husband. We are headed to a farmers market.”

Kurt sighed. “I miss being a part of a we,” he grimaced. “Having a someone even just to hold my hand. I miss holding Seb’s hand.”

“Holding hand’s is nice,” Jeff agreed. “I’m sure they’ll be plenty Kurtbastian hand holding in your future.”

“Stop calling us that,” Kurt made a move towards the coffee cart.

“You can’t make me,” Jeff chuckled. “I’m the other way,” he gestured across the street. “Remember we love you.”

“I love you guys too,” Kurt gave Jeff a wave as they parted ways. He advanced to the coffee cart and placed his order, checking his phone as he waited. No response from Sebastian. Kurt tried not to stress about it. It was still early, barely 9am. They’d had a very late night and it was the weekend. He was probably still sleeping. He definitely wasn’t ignoring Kurt or was he? Kurt was feeling so insecure.

Kurt returned his phone to his pocket. He couldn’t focus on Sebastian right now. His dad and his surgery had to be his top priority today. Once that was underway Kurt had make a call to his dad’s garage to make sure everything was under control under the care of Sam Evans then he’d deal with his love life, if he still had one.

Kurt took his order when it was done, paid and headed into the hospital. He took the elevator up to his dad’s floor and the short walk along the corridor past the nurse’s station. He heard laughing as he approached his dad’s room, glad to hear him in good spirits. 

“You can’t be serious,” Kurt’s heart skipped a beat as just outside the overheard a very familiar voice he hadn’t been excepting. “Na Burt, Clippers have it this year. With George and Lenard in form they can’t fail.”

“Sorry son,” Kurt heard his father respond. “I have to back the Nuggets.”

“That’s crazy,” Sebastian chuckled. “I don’t know what you’re thinking.”

“I’m thinking...” Burt began as Kurt stepped into the room with his fresh coffee in hand. “that my boy is finally here. Hey kid,” he greeted Kurt with a wide grin.

“Hey dad,” Kurt smiled warmly, taking in the scene before him, his dad in bed, hooked up to monitors and a drip, Sebastian seated in a chair by his side reading the sports pages of a newspaper. 

“Look who’s here,” Burt gestured to Sebastian. 

“Hey Seb,” Kurt offered him a hand shake across the bed. A fucking handshake...Kurt hated himself in that moment. He wanted to give himself an upper cut. Here he was fortuitously face to face with the love of his life and the best he could offer the beautiful man was a handshake. Kurt felt so lame. He knew right now instead he should be throwing himself at Sebastian’s feet and begging him for his forgiveness and his love.

“Hey Kurt,” Seb half smiled. He knew that Kurt knew the handshake was weak. He stood though all the same, just briefly and shook Kurt’s hand. Even Burt cringed at the awkward interaction.

“Why don’t you sit down kiddo?”  
Burt gestured to a chair beside Kurt which held Carole’s knitting. “Carole’s just getting herself some breakfast. She was here all night.”

“Thanks,” Kurt took a sip of his coffee, sat it on Burt’s bedside locker and moved Carole’s creation before taking a seat. “How are you feeling?” He checked with his dad.

Burt rolled his eyes. “I feel like there’s suddenly way too much awkward in this room,” he grumbled. “I know you two are going through stuff right now but come on,” he frowned at Kurt. “I know you love that guy right there and lord knows Kurt if things go bad in surgery today or sometime in the near future and I don’t make it you are going to need him. You are going to need him so bad... a handshake Kurt? Really? What was that? Get around there and give Sebastian a hug. You both need it. You need him Kurt.”

Kurt looked with surprise at his father. He knew his dad loved Sebastian and that he thought Kurt had made a bad choice letting him go but he always stayed out of Kurt’s and Seb’s relationship. Kurt was shocked to hear him speak up not just about Seb but also his immortality. Both hurt Kurt inside.

“What are you waiting for?” Burt prompted Kurt further. 

Kurt got up and walked around the bed. Seb stood as Kurt approached. They stepped into each other’s embrace, clinging together, melting into each other. Neither wanted to let go. “I love you,”  
Kurt whispered sincerely into Sebastian’s neck. “Thank you so much for being here.”

He heard Seb inhale deeply in response before they reluctantly released each other. “You’re welcome,” he muttered quietly.

“That’s more like it,” Burt looked pleased with himself. The love these two shared was undeniable. After the pain Kurt suffered with Blaine, Sebastian had swooped into Kurt’s life like a breath of fresh air. Burt loved him. He was smart and he treated Kurt well, Always supporting and nurturing Kurt and his interests. Always kind and attentive and as a bonus he shared Kurt’s family values.

Burt had voiced his disapproval very loudly and bluntly when Kurt had told him that he’d decided to break up with Sebastian. Honestly Burt thought it was insane. They were the perfect couple. They’d always been so happy together. Burt was determined they should be again. On the off chance that he didn’t make it through his surgery today he needed to know Kurt wouldn’t be alone. Looking at Sebastian’s face now Burt felt safe. That man’s eyes were brimming with love for his son beneath the same pain that Kurt’s eyes showed too.

“Jeff and Nick send their love and best wishes,” Kurt smiled at Burt, as he took an empty chair beside Sebastian. 

“That’s kind of them,” Burt replied sincerely. “Have you seen them?”

“Jeff and I met for breakfast,” Kurt responded. “It was good to catch up.”

“No Nick?” Burt looked a little surprised. “I thought those two were fused at the hip.”

“He had to duck into work,” Kurt explained. “They’re headed to farmers market today.”

“You two should go join them,” Burt suggested. “Would do you two good to spend some together. You don’t want to waste your day sitting around here worrying about me?”

“Farmers markets really aren’t our thing,” Sebastian scrunched up his nose. 

“Then go catch a movie, a theatre matinee or go to game together,” Burt suggested. 

“You want me to take Kurt to a basketball game?” Sebastian chuckled. “Have you met Kurt? That’s not happening.”

“I think today Dad,” Kurt gazed between his dad and his ex boyfriend. “that I’d just like to be here. Carole shouldn’t have to deal with this alone.”

“I can stay too,” Sebastian assured Burt. “Unless...” he turned to Kurt. “Unless you don’t want me to. I would hate to impose. I know we aren’t together.”

“Its up to you,” Kurt desperately wanted Sebastian to stay, his presence was comforting to Kurt but he didn’t want Seb to feel obligated. 

“He’s family,” Burt frowned again at Kurt “Of course he should stay.”

Kurt dared to look Sebastian in the eye. “I really appreciate you being here.”

“I wouldn’t be anywhere else,” he reached over and squeezed Kurt’s hand. Kurt grasped back. He smiled softly savouring the affection. Holding hands was a nice place to start their rebuild.

“What’s the time?” Burt checked with Kurt. “I thought they’d be here by now to prep me. They’ve had me fasting since last night. Between you and me I’m starving.”

Kurt pulled his phone from his pocket with his free hand, not noticing that small note that Jeff had given him with Logan’s number fell to the floor. “About 9:15,” Kurt told his father as Seb leaned down and picked it up. 

“Should be anytime now then,” Burt looked nervous. 

Sebastian looked pissed as he read the number. He released Kurt’s hand. “You dropped this,” he slapped it down on Kurt’s thigh. 

Kurt grimaced, immediately scrunching it up into a ball and dropping it into the bin beside Burt’s bed. He didn’t know what to say.

“Who is Logan?” Sebastian asked, his tone bitchy and offended. He made no effort to hide his jealousy. 

“Nobody,” Kurt responded calmly. He’d had nothing to encourage the waiter or to feel bad about. He’d been nothing but loyal to Sebastian and their relationship even though they’d been broken up for months.

“Yeah, okay,” Sebastian shook his head sceptically, his eyes filling with disappointment. He got to his feet and turned to Burt. “I hope your surgery goes well. I’ll call by tomorrow.”

“Don’t go,” Kurt interrupted before Burt could respond. “Can we just talk out in the hall for a minute?”

“Your dad’s going in for surgery any time now Kurt. Focus on him,” Sebastian sounded defeated. 

“Just for a minute,” Kurt pleaded gently.

“I forgot I have somewhere I need to be,” Sebastian lied. “You and I are broken up. I really shouldn’t have come here. I’m sorry.”

“I want you here,” Kurt replied honestly. “Dad wants you here. Please stay,” Kurt reached out his hand. “If you can just wait until Dad goes in... We’ll talk.”

Sebastian gazed torn into Kurt’s eyes. He saw four years there. Four years of love, of laughs, of hot sex. Four years of household chores, petty arguments, of a full life together. He couldn’t fathom how had Kurt could have just walked away from them. It hadn’t been perfect, nothing was but it had been full of love. They’d been an honesty to it, a safety in it. He’d thought it was forever. He would never have bought the ring otherwise. Except it hadn’t been forever and just being in this space with Kurt hurt. Being in this space with Kurt that was carrying around other guy’s phone numbers was unbearable. Of course Kurt had the right to get as many numbers as he wanted, to move on and date as many men as he wanted and it seemed that’s what he was choosing to do. “I have to go,” Sebastian shook his head.

Kurt’s face contorted in pain. He cursed himself for forgetting he had that number in his pocket. He hadn’t even wanted it or liked the damn waiter. Now it might have messed up everything. “I’ll see you tonight then? 6pm? For dinner?”

“I don’t think so,” Sebastian shook his head, his heart breaking all over again as he moved towards the door. “Call Logan Kurt.”

Kurt paled. He didn’t want to call Logan. He wanted to wait with Sebastian until they took his dad for surgery then they could pick up coffees and take a walk in the park. Talk all this out. The last thing he wanted to do was call Logan. “He was just the waiter at breakfast this morning,” Kurt tried to explain. “He’s no one. I’m not into him. I know it looks bad but it’s not what you think. I love you Sebby.”

“Except you broke up with me Kurt,” Sebastian snapped bluntly. “Look your dad doesn’t need this drama and stress. He’s got a tough day ahead of him. You’re here for a week right? Maybe we can catch up again during the week before you go.”

Kurt simply nodded. His attention really did need to be on his dad. 

“Take care Burt,” Sebastian smiled weakly at Burt and fled the room. 

Burt stared Kurt down disapprovingly. “I couldn’t care less if I’m going in for surgery now. If you don’t go after that boy you’re destroying I will. He’s so in love with you Kurt.”

“I’m in love with him too,” Kurt replied helplessly.

“Then go!” Burt demanded. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine.”

Kurt didn’t hesitate. “I love you dad,” He called over his shoulder as he dashed out from the room, heading in the direction quickly Sebastian had gone.

“Please don’t run in the halls Sir,” a nurse called after him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Sebby 💔😕  
> Spontaneous hospital bathroom sex next or a heart to heart?


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian tries so hard to forgive...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for sex  
> consensual but not the good kind
> 
> Warning for severe panic attack

Sebastian stepped out into the bustle of the crowded New York street, distraught, he huddled with his back against the exterior wall of the hospital building, He was trembling, fighting back tears as he fought for breath. He’d been without Kurt now for 11 fucking weeks. Day in and day out going shattered through the motions of every day life, just him and Kawhi and yet it wasn’t until he saw another man’s number fall from Kurt’s pocket that the realisation struck him that they were really broken up. Kurt Hummel wasn’t his boyfriend any more. Kurt wasn’t his anything anymore and he wasn’t Kurt’s either. He wasn’t anyone’s. He was alone and Kurt was free. Free to take the numbers and to call the numbers of any man he pleased. That was more than Sebastian could bear. He had reached his limit, his breaking point. He could not breathe. He wasn’t sure he even wanted to. The last four years of their lives together had all been for nothing. All those memories, all that love. It meant nothing. Sebastian was spiralling. His head spinning. He gripped the wall behind him for stability.

“Seb?” He heard Kurt’s voice in the distance, “Seb?”, heard his footsteps on the pavement as he approached, “Seb”, felt his hand on his arm but he was unable to respond or even focus his eyes or attention on Kurt as his panic overwhelmed him.

“Slow it down baby,” Sebastian heard the concern in Kurt’s voice. “Slow it down. Breathe with me honey.” Kurt squeezed Seb’s arm to draw his attention and slowly inhaled. He held it for 1, 2, 3 seconds then slowly exhaled. “It’s just a panic attack. You’re going to be okay. I promise I’ve got you.” Kurt’s tone was kind and loving. Just the way Seb remembered it.

Sebastian tried to follow Kurt’s instruction but he was struggling. He felt dizzy, light headed and a little almost distant from himself. It was difficult to concentrate. 

Kurt persisted though. Standing squarely in front of Sebastian he drew Seb’s hands from the wall and held the clammy shaking ones in his own stable grasp. He sort eye contact as he continued on, trying to guide Sebastian’s breathing. Minutes passed before it began returning to normal and Kurt was able to direct Sebastian back inside the hospital foyer to sit down. 

“Are you okay?” Kurt asked quietly sitting down beside Sebastian. This was definitely not the first time they’d been through this together but it never got any easier. “I mean I know you’re not okay but is there anything I can get you? Water maybe. Do you have your meds with you?”

“I do,” Seb nodded taking a small bottle from his jacket pocket. He never went anywhere without his anti anxiety medication, especially not on days like today when he knew he would see Kurt and which he knew would challenge him. 

“Let me get you water,” Kurt offered.

Sebastian shook his head. He swallowed down two small pills dry. “Can you stay and just sit with me for a bit?” He asked timidly, his voice shaky and still a little breathy. “Unless your dad needs you.”

“I can stay sweetheart,” Kurt nodded. He stroked Sebastian’s arm tenderly. His eyes soft and caring. “For as long as you need me to.”

Sebastian let his eyes drop closed for a moment. He focussed on keeping his breathing slow and even, he still felt trembly but his heart rate was slowing. “Do you like him?” He asked quietly.

“Who?” Kurt was confused. He was too concerned about Sebastian in that moment to be thinking about anyone else. 

“Logan,” Sebastian struggled to get the name out. His voice was weak and scratchy as he reopened his eyes focussing on Kurt’s face.

Kurt shook his head. He gave Seb a soft smile. “What do you think?”

“I think we aren’t together anymore,” Sebastian gnawed at his bottom lip anxiously. “So you can like whoever you want.”

“I like you,” Kurt took Sebastian’s hand. “Actually that’s untrue. I love you Seb. I love you so much. Just the sight on you when I walked into that room upstairs this morning made my heart race.”

“You shook my hand Kurt,” Sebastian looked sceptical. He was struggling to trust Kurt.

“I know,” Kurt sighed. “It was lame. I’m lame. You came here on no sleep to see my dad and it means so much to me that you would do that after everything, that you would come here and read him the sports pages. It was a beautiful gesture.”

“It wasn’t a gesture,” Seb frowned a little. “I love your dad Kurt. For four years he was my family and right now he’s going through something pretty major and that’s scary. I wanted to be here for him and for you. It’s what you do for family.”

“I don’t deserve you,” Kurt replied emotionally. 

“Maybe, Maybe not,” Seb shrugged. 

“I’m so sorry Seb,” Kurt squeezed the hand he was lucky to be holding. “We were so happy. I was so happy. I’ll always regret that I panicked and walked away from the best thing to ever happen to me.”

“If you can be patient with me maybe we can be happy again,” Seb tried to sound optimistic. “I can’t just go straight back to what he had like nothing happened but I’d really like to... I don’t know... at least start talking again. Maybe hang out a bit while you’re here.”

“I would really love that,” Kurt smiled. “I have missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too,” Sebastian admitted timidly. 

Kurt raised the hand in his to his lips and placed a sweet kiss to the back of it. “So are we...?” He trailed off.

Seb sighed, moved by the sweet interaction. It had been way too long since he’d Kurt’s lips against his skin. “Friends?” He queried dubiously.

“Ouch,” Kurt grimaced. 

“You say that like we haven’t been best friends for the last four years,” Seb raised an eyebrow.

“You were... you are... you will be always be more than my best friend,” Kurt told him sincerely. “I’m not me without you.”

“I’m scared Kurt,” Seb exhaled slowly. “I gave you everything. My heart, my soul, my entire life. You were my whole world and then you said I wasn’t worth putting in a little extra work for and you walked away.”

“I didn’t say anything like that. I have never thought you weren’t worth it. I was trying to protect you. I don’t know how long this thing is going to go on for with dad. I couldn’t expect you to wait for me,” Kurt sounded pained.

“Why don’t you understand that I would wait forever for you?” Sebastian reached up cupping Kurt’s jaw. He stroked his smooth cheek affectionately with his thumb. 

Kurt nuzzled into Seb’s touch. He’d missed those strong hands on him more than words could say. “I promise I’ll never hurt you again.”

“You should head back up your dad,” Seb advised kindly. He wanted more than anything to simply just exist in the same space with Kurt right now but Burt needed him too, right now wasn’t the time to be selfish. 

“He was right,” Kurt covered the hand still on his face with his own. “I do need you. It’s been intolerable without you.”

“That was your choice Kurt,” Sebastian reminded him.

“I know,” Kurt acknowledged “Can’t we just try again though?”

“I don’t know,” Seb pulled back a little. He wanted to be with Kurt more than anything but.... what if Kurt panicked and fled again. Where would Sebastian be left then?

“Can we just maybe try being together today? No expectations, no labels, Just Sebastian and Kurt. I can’t be alone today Sebby. I need you. You give me strength.”

“Yeah okay,” Sebastian agreed, with a soft nod. His meds were already beginning to do their job. He was starting to feel a little stronger. “We need to check on your dad first though.”

“You’ve always been so good to me and so thoughtful of my family. Thank you,”  
Kurt smiled gratefully. “Are you feeling okay now?”

“Much better,” Seb nodded, still feeling a little unsettled inside. “I’m sorry for causing such a fuss. I’m good. Let’s go see your dad if they haven’t taken him in already and make sure Carole is okay. She shouldn’t be alone today.”

“Her sister Donna is up here from Philly for the next few days. I’m not sure if you two ever met,” Kurt tried to remember as he got to his feet. 

“Maybe,” Sebastian wasn’t sure either. “Was she at the first thanksgiving we had together? Remember we went back to Ohio. It was the first time I met your dad.”

“You were terrified,” Kurt chuckled.

“Parents never liked me,” Seb grimaced as he stood. “Not even my own really.”

“Your parents love you,” Kurt assured Sebastian as they moved towards the elevator. “So does my dad... and me. I love you too.”

“Hmmm,” Sebastian hummed, pressing the button for the elevator.

“How are your parents?” Kurt checked as the doors opened.

“My mother is her usual insane self. She has a bee in her bonnet at the moment about some endangered squirrel or chipmunk or something and is frantically fundraising. My Dad is still working 20 hour days to pay for the stupid squirrels. You know what they’re like,” Seb smirked, rolling his eyes as they stepped into the empty elevator. 

Kurt nodded. He pushed the button for his dad’s floor and sighed. “They mean well  
at least. I’m really worried about my dad. What if this goes bad today? What if they can’t get it all or it’s spread or he goes into cardiac arrest. His heart isn’t good. He had a heart attack when I was in high school,” Kurt was babbling frantically as the doors closed and the elevator began to rise.”

“He’s in one of the best hospitals in the country Kurt. Possibly the best in the world. His doctors are amongst the best in their field. I’m positive everything will be fine but if not I’m here for you,” Sebastian took Kurt’s hand.

“I’m not sure ‘friends’ hold hands,” Kurt sounded a little defeated.

“We decided no labels,” Seb reminded him, leaning his head affectionately against Kurt’s shoulder. 

“You decided no labels,” Kurt corrected him. “I get it. I know I hurt you and I know I have no certainty to offer you but I really really want to kiss you so much.”

“You want to kiss me?” Sebastian narrowed his eyes. “I’m not sure how your new diner slut would feel about that.”

“I didn’t even want the number,” Kurt scrunched his nose. “He gave it to Jeff to pass on. I couldn’t find a trash can.”

“If you say so,” Sebastian believed him  
as he stepped out of the elevator and headed up the hall past the nurse’s station to Burt’s room. 

“You’re holding hands,” Burt smiled, catching Kurt’s eye between the multiple hospital staff who were moving around the room, preparing him to head up to the operating theatre. 

Kurt smiled back and nodded. “He can’t resist my charm.”

Sebastian blushed lightly and shrugged. It was true and it felt kind of unfair. He was trying to be strong, to be guarded, to keep his heart protected but Kurt with his beautiful kind eyes and loving nature left him defenceless. If Seb wasn’t careful they would be most certainly be back together before Kurt returned to Ohio. The biggest part of Sebastian wanted that so much but the rest of him was terrified. He released Kurt’s hand to greet Carole. 

She was so pleased to see him. She’d always been very fond of Sebastian. He was always so genuinely polite when he visited Ohio with Kurt. He always insisted on helping out around the house, mowing the lawn or with the cooking and dishes when he wasn’t doting on Kurt. It had always been very obvious to her that Sebastian was smitten with her step-son. You could have knocked her over when with a feather when Kurt had returned to Ohio to help with the shop single. Looking at Sebastian now, he was thinner than she remembered him, exhausted. She was certain a break up had not been his idea. 

Carole hugged Sebastian. She introduced him to her sister, “This is Kurt’s boyfriend Sebastian.” while across the room Kurt and Burt spoke in serious and low whispers that no one else could hear. Carole watched Kurt kiss his father forehead. Pain and fear evident on his face as he stepped back from the bed. She watched Sebastian go to him. His eyes full of care and love as they embraced. “He’ll be okay,” Sebastian assured Kurt as Carole wished her husband good luck and watched him be wheeled from the room. 

Kurt withdrew from Sebastian with tears in eyes. He wasn’t sure if they were for Burt or for the love he’d lost. Being held by Seb again made his heart want to burst. He never wanted to let go. 

“He’ll be okay,” Sebastian repeated, this time to everyone in the room. “He’s a stubborn old man. He won’t let this defeat him.”

“You’re right,” Carole smiled sadly. “So I guess now we wait.” She sat down on a chair behind her. The room suddenly felt so empty without her husband and his bed. 

“Is there anything I can get you?” Kurt offered, “to help the time pass, magazines? a cup of tea?”

“I have my knitting and Donna to keep me company,” Carole seemed worried yet content. “You boys head out, go spend some time together. Your father won’t be out for at least 8 hours and there’s no point us all sitting here staring at these ugly walls. I’ll call you if I get any updates.”

“Are you sure?” Kurt seemed hesitant despite desperately wanting to spend the day with Seb.

“I’m positive,” Carole smiled at the men. “You two need this and father would want it.”

“I want it too,” Kurt gazed adoringly at Sebastian. “We’ll be back around 5pm. My phone will be on if you need anything.”

“We’ll be fine,” Carole assured him. “We have the world’s finest vending machines just down the hall and a lot to catch up on.”

“Okay,” Kurt smiled as he headed for the door. “Take care,” he offered.

Seb followed him, offering a quiet wave to Carole and Donna. He felt terribly apprehensive as he stepped out into the hospital corridor to begin an entire day with his ex-boyfriend who he remained hopelessly in love with. 

They made their way silently to the exit. Kurt seemed lost in thought, almost shut down. Seb knew this side of him well. He was afraid for his dad. Seb let him process. 

“I feel absolutely depleted,” Kurt sighed as they stepped out onto the street. “You know what I’d really love to do today?”

“I’m not having sex with you,” Sebastian stated bluntly.

Kurt frowned softly. “That wasn’t what I was referring to, although it was always incredible.”

“It was,” Sebastian agreed. He missed it so much but he wasn’t going to tell Kurt that. His own hand just wasn’t the same as being with the man he loved. Nothing, no one he’d ever been with was the same as being with Kurt. 

“I’d really just love to hang out at home, with a gazillion snacks and watch some movies like we always did when one of us was stressed or unwell or when the weather was really bad,” Kurt looked hopefully at Seb as they wandered down the street.

“We can do that,” Seb agreed hesitantly. Cuddling with Kurt on the sofa sounded wonderful. It also felt like a slippery slope to the bedroom. He would have to be careful. “Maybe I could see if any of the boys want to come over. They’d love to see you.” 

“I’m not feeling particularly social today,” Kurt shook his head. “We don’t have to spend the day together if you feel uncomfortable.”

“How could I ever feel uncomfortable around you?” Sebastian smiled sadly. “Let’s just go home.”

“I just need to stop by my hotel on the way. I need some comfy clothes. These jeans...”

“Look amazing on you,” Sebastian hated that he’d noticed but only a blind man wouldn’t have. It was no wonder the waiter had taken a shot. Kurt’s ass in these jeans was everything. 

Kurt blushed a little at the compliment. He was pleased Seb had been looking. “They look even better off,” Kurt flirted brazenly.

Seb rolled his eyes. “I do recall that,” he smirked. “But not today.”

“I know,” Kurt pouted. He stopped for a moment to orientate himself. “Should we grab a cab or an Uber? Do we need to shop for snacks?”

“The pantry is full but I have no Diet Coke,” Seb grimaced. “If you want we can grab a cab home but in this traffic it would be quicker to walk. To save the extra distance to you hotel you can borrow some of my clothes. You always did anyway. I can grab you some Diet Coke at the store down stairs while you change.”

“Sounds perfect,” Kurt smiled, falling into step with Seb. The thought of being snuggled up in his clothes again on their sofa sounded like a heavenly way to spend a stressful day.

For the two weary men the few blocks walk back to Sebastian’s apartment seemed unnecessarily long. Seb escorted Kurt upstairs, tended to Kawhi then found Kurt some sweat pants, a T-shirt and a hoodie. He left him with the dog, in his bedroom to change while he ducked downstairs to the convenience store for Diet Coke and condoms. Kurt needed the Diet Coke and although he was determined not to need condoms Sebastian knew himself and the temptation Kurt was presenting wrapped up in Seb’s clothes in Seb’s apartment, an apartment they had long shared, full of memories of them, of their life together, of their love. Sebastian was only human. He only possessed so much willpower. He bought the condoms. 

It had been years since he and Kurt had even used condoms but they weren’t a couple anymore and they’d been apart for months. Sebastian had been celibate and he thought Kurt might have been too but since he was dropping phone numbers from his pockets Sebastian couldn’t be sure. He wanted to be safe if temptation got the better of him. 

Kurt was seated cross legged on the sofa, scrolling through Hulu when Seb returned with Kawhi snuggled beside him. He was dressed in Seb’s old Dalton Lacrosse hoodie, not the one Seb had put out for him but the one he’d always chosen when he was feeling vulnerable. Seb said nothing. Kurt’s dad was in surgery. He could let him wear the hoodie.

Patting Kawhi as he passed Seb discreetly hid the condoms in the kitchen and offered Kurt a Diet Coke. 

“Please,” Kurt nodded, looking over his shoulder at Sebastian. “Have you got Cheeto’s?”

“Since when do you eat Cheeto’s?” Sebastian was shocked. He’d been planning to chop up some veggie sticks for Kurt. 

“Since I lost the love of my life through my own stupidity and my dad was on an operating table fighting for his life,” Kurt grimaced. 

“Have you really not been with anyone else since you left me?” Sebastian asked his back turned as he retrieved some Cheeto’s and some candy from the pantry.

“I’ve been working long hours at the shop. I haven’t had the time to see anyone even if I wanted to,” Kurt suddenly felt very small. 

“Did you want to?” Seb busied himself pouring the snacks into bowls. 

“No,” Kurt stated plainly. He didn’t hesitate. Sure he’d encountered the odd attractive guy in Ohio working at the shop but in comparison to Sebastian none had peaked his interest. “What do you feel like watching?” Kurt changed the subject gesturing the tv.

“I’ve been planning to watch 21 Bridges,” Seb suggested, crossing the room with the bowls of food and placing them on the coffee table. “Not sure it’s your kind of thing though.”

“I’ll give it a go,” Kurt searched for it while Seb returned to the kitchen for their drinks, taking two glasses from the cupboard and filling one with sprite and another with Diet Coke. He did a quick tidy then made his way back to the living room, placing their drinks down. He retrieved a light blanket from his linen cupboard and joined Kurt on the sofa, sitting as far from him as humanly possible. 

“I don’t bite,” Kurt frowned as he grasped a corner of the blanket and draped it over himself. “I can’t find 21 Bridges,” he passed Seb the remote and cuddled the dog. 

Seb took it, finding the movie almost immediately he willed himself to relax as it began to play. This was just Kurt beside him and they had done this a thousand times. Today felt different though. It wasn’t the same. They weren’t the same. Today hurt. 

The pair watched the movie silently, without their usual banter, they sipped their drinks, ate their snacks, they hadn’t touched. On the surface everything looked fine just like two ‘friends’ enjoying a movie together but beneath, the tension was high. Seb was trying to let his guard down but he was afraid of what letting Kurt in would do to his heart. Kurt couldn’t find the words he needed to fix them and their relationship. There were only so many times someone could apologise. Perhaps at this point words weren’t enough. He loved Seb. That was undeniable. He needed to prove that to him... somehow.

“I’m struggling to keep my eyes open,” Seb turned to Kurt yawning. By this point in any movie he would usually have his head in Kurt’s lap, he’d doze on and off while Kurt soothingly played with his hair.  
It usually ended in a blowjob for Kurt or at least a handie. Seb couldn’t let that happen today though. If anyone should be getting a blowjob it was him for everything Kurt had put them through.

“We did have a late night,” Kurt reminded him. “Do you want me to take a chair?  
You can spread out here and nap.”

“No,” Seb shook his head. “Do you think... no never mind.”

“Do I think what?” Kurt pressed.

“Can we... umm... can we snuggle?” Seb asked dubiously.

“Yeah,” Kurt nodded. He scooted across the sofa closer to Seb. Seb met him in the middle. Kurt pecked Seb’s cheek as he wrapped his arms around him in a warm hug and they melted against each other, both needing the long withheld affection.

A sigh of relief escaped Sebastian. This was what he needed most. They continued watching the movie, both of them too aware of the other to concentrate on the plot. 

Sebastian tried his best to resist but aside from the love they shared the attraction was just too strong. He wasn’t even sure how it happened but there Kurt was pinned beneath him, panting, pleading, rutting an erection the size of Texas against him and it felt so good, so familiar, so right. Sebastian forgot all about the condoms hidden in the kitchen as he slid his sweatpants off Kurt, wrapped Kurt’s legs around his own waist and pushed into him roughly with nothing but the precum oozing from him for lube. 

He felt Kurt clench around him, saw the discomfort contort his beautiful features but paid it no mind. Just as Kurt had paid him no mind when he’d left him. Sebastian moved. His thrusts strong and deep, satisfying. Kurt felt good, hot and tight, he wasn’t moving but he wasn’t resisting either. He held Sebastian’s shoulders in a vice like grip, his nails digging into Seb’s flesh through his shirt. Kurt grunted in discomfort each time Seb entered him. His body had been over two months without this and with no prep this bordered on painful. It had never been like this for them before, usually there was kissing, so much kissing, touching, so much touching, prepping, lots of prepping. Usually there was love too. There was affection. This wasn’t that. This wasn’t Kurt and Seb making love like they always had. This was something else. This was rough, uncomfortable, impersonal. This was Sebastian fucking Kurt. Seb getting off with no regard for Kurt. This was Seb punishing Kurt. It felt dirty and wrong for both of them but it continued anyway. 

Kurt watched Seb’s face, saw his eyes fill with tears before he clenched them closed and completely zoned out. Sebastian couldn’t look at Kurt. He couldn’t share this experience with him. He blanked out Kurt’s face in his mind. He drew on the power that he felt from possessing another body, focussed on the pleasure radiating from the heat clenching his cock. He thrust harder, faster, all his attention going on getting himself where he needed to go, on his release and the relief it would bring. His climax when it came was anti climatic. He unloaded quickly with a anguished sob, into the hole he was filling. Disgusted with himself he instantly withdrew and with not so much as a glance at Kurt, got up and fled the room leaving Kurt used, discarded, alone and unsatisfied on the sofa they’d once happily chosen together. 

When he heard the bathroom door click closed Kurt dragged his depleted self quietly from the sofa. Fighting tears of his own he painfully pulled on Sebastian’s sweatpants and fled the apartment. There was nothing left for either of them to say. There was nothing left for either of them to do. They’d reached the end. Kurt was shattered. He had lost his love. They were done. Kurt and Sebastian were really done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry don’t hate me!  
> This is not the end.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Kurt decides to fight, he fights dirty and uses every weapon in his arsenal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry the updates are slow. I struggled with this one, restarted it three times over and I’m still not sure I got it right. I thought about bringing Niff in to intervene but then I decided that Kurt had Seb really needed to deal with things themselves. This is their story, their pain, their broken love. It had to be done their way.
> 
> Warning for uncomplimentary mentions of Blaine. (I’m sure this doesn’t surprise anyone) 
> 
> You’re not going to enjoy this or maybe if you can make it all the way to the end you will. 
> 
> Remember what ever happens that you matter and I love you ❤️

As Kurt rushed down the stairs from the apartment he and Seb had once shared, he had never felt worse about himself. He felt responsible for what had just occurred between him and Sebastian. He felt used, abused, tossed aside. He felt dirty. He felt like trash. He felt like he deserved for Sebastian to treat him like trash.

It had been him, after all who had foolishly walked away from the beautiful love, beautiful home, beautiful life that he and Sebastian had created together. It had been him who had decided that their relationship wasn’t worth holding onto, struggling or fighting for. There was no else to blame for the train wreck that they had become but him. It was no wonder Sebastian couldn’t look at him. No wonder Sebastian hated him. Sebastian should hate him. He should completely and utterly despise him. Though Seb really didn’t need to because Kurt hated and despised his worthless self enough for both of them.

As Kurt hit the crowded pavement and breathed in the cool city air his head began to clear. Maybe that wasn’t all quite right. Sure yeah he’d left. He’d told Sebastian they were done and that definitely hadn’t been his finest hour but Kurt left to care for family, because his dad had needed him, he hadn’t left to pursue another man or because he and Seb weren’t in love. They were clearly still hopelessly in love despite this silence that had grown between them, an ugly silence that Kurt suddenly realised wasn’t his alone. It was a silence that belonged to Sebastian too. He did after all own a phone. He knew Kurt’s number. He had to after 4 incredible years together. He could have text or called... he didn’t. He could have fought for their love... he didn’t. He could have even shown up in Ohio at some point... he didn’t. 

The more Kurt thought about that and about how Sebastian had blamed the entire situation on him and then mistreated him just now for it, the angrier he became. He’d put up with a lot of shit in his life. Shit from Finn, shit from Dave Karofsky, Shit from Rachel Berry, shit especially from Blaine Anderson. He was so done with putting up with other people’s shit. He wasn’t going to put up with it from Sebastian too not when Sebastian was the man who was supposed to love him, supposed shield and defend him. Fuck that! Kurt was ready to fight back, ready to start dealing out some shit of his own.

Kurt spun aggressively on his heels and headed purposely back along the street he’d just come. He stormed furiously back up the stairs to Seb’s apartment and pounded heavily, repeatedly on the door he’d slammed closed behind him, just 10 minutes earlier. 

“All right, All right, I’m coming,” Sebastian sounded agitated as he opened the door wrapped in a towel, his hair damp and flat from his shower. He looked stunned. He looked stunning. He paled as he realised his visitor was Kurt. 

Kurt gave him no time to speak before shoving him roughly aside and barging his way forcefully into the apartment. “What the fuck was that?” Kurt demanded to know, his hands on his hips and his face flushed with fury. 

“I... l...” Sebastian stuttered lamely letting the door fall closed behind them. Kurt had caught him unawares.

“I let that happen just now because I know I hurt you and I know that you’re angry but seriously Sebastian, what the hell?” Kurt gave Seb no opportunity to speak. He glared, his voice raised and shaking. “I deserved better than that. We deserved better than that. I’m your boyfriend for fucks sake, not one of your fuck boys.”

“One of my fuck boys?” Instantly going on the defensive Sebastian looked at Kurt with wide eyes, speaking without restraint through gritted teeth. “What the fuck does that even mean? Since when do I have fuck boys Kurt? I’m not your ex husband. I haven’t been with any ‘boy’ but you in 4 years Kurt. I haven’t even looked and now I’m some kind of man whore? Why? Because suddenly I’m treating you a little like you treated me. You’re such a hypocrite and you are NOT my boyfriend.”

“I am,” Kurt argued, his scream bordering on hysterical.

“Except you’re not, you left Kurt,” Sebastian reminded him taking a step back. He felt attacked and suddenly very aware of his own partial nudity, of his own vulnerability. “You are not my boyfriend,” he repeated. 

“You love me Sebastian,” Kurt fought for emotional control and stability. “And I fucking love you. I know I left but it was to care for my dad. I’ve apologised for that now and I’ve taken my punishment so enough of your stubborn bullshit.”

“You think I’m being stubborn?” Sebastian snapped defensively. “I’m not. I’m fucking devastated. Do you have any idea how it feels to love you but not know how to be with you Kurt or how to look at you and not be angry and not be hurt. Do you have any idea how it felt to be with you just before but know I’m not with you? to know that my body is good enough for you but not my heart, not my love, not our life together?”

Kurt sighed. “Ugh,” he groaned. “Jesus Christ Sebby. You’re so dramatic.”

“I’m dramatic. Are you kidding me? Are you really just dismissing my feelings?” Sebastian huffed. “Why doesn’t it matter to you how I feel? Why through all this has it never mattered to you? I made it entirely clear to you that even though I knew you had to go to Ohio that I didn’t want to break up. I wanted to fight for us but you’re so selfish and everything always has to be your way. I never mattered to you.”

“Of course you matter to me,” Kurt protested. Fighting for even breath he stepped further into the apartment, stopping for a moment to take Sebastian in. Sebastian mattered so much to Kurt. He had no idea how much Kurt loved him or how lost Kurt had been without him. He had no idea how much it meant to Kurt to be back in their home together. Kurt hadn’t felt this alive in months. 

Sebastian really was everything to Kurt. He was Kurt’s world, his sun, his moon, his stars, his heart, his soul. How did he not know that? He was the man Kurt loved. Maybe the only man Kurt had ever truly loved and he was so fucking breathtaking. He was easily the most beautiful man Kurt had ever laid eyes on, ever been lucky enough to lay hands on, to ever be with or to love. Looking at him now he was perfect. Perfect eyes, perfect nose, perfect sweet lips and perfect body, his long, lean torso gleamed under the light shining in from the far window, his skin was pale, perfectly smooth and flawless, aside from his multiple tattoos and the mass of adorable freckles that Kurt had spent hours joining a million times over with his tongue. 

Kurt’s eyes trailed down over Sebastian’s hard abs, recalling the many kisses he’d placed upon then, then lower following down the thin trail of hair the disappeared beneath the fluffy blue towel that was wrapped around Sebastian’s hips. Kurt fought hard to look away. He knew he should but he couldn’t. He knew by heart exactly what that towel was hiding and he so longed to touch, to taste, to love, to love tenderly and thoroughly like they had so many times before, not cruelly and callously like Sebastian had chosen to do earlier today.

“Stop staring at me like I’m cheesecake and you’re starving,” Sebastian grumbled. Secretly he loved the deep desire he saw in Kurt’s eyes but they were at war. He couldn’t tell him that.

“I’d forgotten how beautiful you are,” Kurt sighed. “So fucking beautiful.”

Seb rolled his eyes. He crossed his arms self consciously over his chest. 

“It does really matter to me how you feel Sebastian,” Kurt spoke sincerely, his tone now softer and calmer. “All I’ve ever wanted was to make you happy.”

“You did make me happy,” Sebastian admitted glumly, “until you didn’t.”

“I could again,” Kurt tried to sound hopeful. “I want to Seb. I want to be with you.”

“Even after what just happened between us today?” Sebastian looked sceptical. 

Kurt nodded. It had been by far the worst sex Kurt had ever experienced, painful, uncomfortable, cruel, uncaring. Worst even than the routine 3 minutes he had endured with Blaine every Friday night for the last year of their marriage but he loved Sebastian and even though he knew it was pathetic and self deprecating he would forgive him anything.

Sebastian looked down at the floor, with a frown. “I don’t think I can. I don’t think we are the same people we were when you left. I’m not the same person. I’m cynical and untrusting and you’re not the same. You’re taking numbers from waiters.”

“Ugh! For fuck’s sake just forget about the god damn number already. I didn’t take his number,” Kurt roared in frustration. “I wasn’t interested in him. I’ll never be interested in him...” Kurt’s voice dropped in exhaustion, in defeat. “You’re the one for me Sebby. You’ve always been the one for me.”

“Me?” Seb shook his head. “You tossed me aside like a used condom Kurt. That’s not how you treat “the one” and look how I retaliated. All we are doing now is hurting one another. It’s become so ...”

“You were angry,” Kurt cut Seb off, making excuses for him. “You’re making it sound like you raped me earlier. You didn’t Seb. I was there. It was consensual. I wanted you. I would have stopped you if I didn’t.”

“I wanted you too,” Seb bit into his bottom lip. “Not like that though, never like that. It was never supposed to be like that with you.”

“I know,” Kurt nodded sadly. He reached out and brushed Seb’s damp hair tenderly back from his face. “We can fix this.”

Seb frowned. He pulled back a little. “I don’t think we can Kurt. What we had, it was amazing and I think maybe years from now when I look back on this day I’ll regret what I’m about to say but there are some broken things in this world that shouldn’t be repaired. Some broken things that never function the same way ever again and although I know that you Kurt Hummel were the love of my life and I was maybe yours, you and I are one of those broken things. We are done.”

“Are you seeing someone else?” Kurt enquired rhetorically.

Seb shook his head. “You know I’m not.”

“Do like someone else?” Kurt checked. This question he wasn’t so sure of.

“No,” Seb sighed. “But that doesn’t mean we should be together or that I won’t someday. There are so many great guys out there. We’ll be okay Kurt. I’ll be here in New York and you’ll be in Ohio and we’ll let go and we’ll move on.”

“Don’t you love me?” Kurt held his breath as he waited for Seb’s response. 

“Sometimes love isn’t enough,” Seb furrowed his brow. “You know that. Look at you and Blaine.”

“Blaine and I weren’t the same. I never loved him the way I love you, the sex was never as good with him as it was with you, at least not when he had it with me. Maybe he saved the good stuff for all his...”

“Fuck boys?” Sebastian finished with a cynical smirk. 

“Something like that,” Kurt squirmed uncomfortably under Seb’s gaze. This couldn’t be how they ended four years of love, with an awkward conversation in Seb’s living room. Kurt wanted to fight. He knew he should have months ago. It couldn’t be too late now. 

“He was an asshole,” Seb frowned. 

“So was I, to you,” Kurt admitted lamely. “I’m so sorry.”

“I’ll never regret a moment of us,” Sebastian uttered wistfully. “I’m so glad for that day we ran into each other at that supermarket and for everyday since. Being with you, being your boyfriend was the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“I thought it was never going to happen,” Kurt thought back nostalgically. “I wanted to be with you so much. I still do.”

“It’s the towel isn’t it?” Sebastian’s tone was teasing. He needed to lighten the mood or he was going to break down. He had too much pride to let Kurt see him cry.

“No baby... well right this second it’s a tiny bit the towel. You’re fucking hot but mostly I just love you. This time without you in Ohio has been so difficult,” Kurt’s spoke emotionally.

“You know you could have called me. I’d have answered. I’d have been there for you,” Sebastian had so desperately wanted to be there to support Kurt through this difficult time with his dad. He’d been almost obsessively concerned about him since he’d been in Ohio. Knowing Kurt was in contact with Niff had only made things worse. It was too late now though. He had nothing left to offer Kurt. 

“You didn’t call me either,” Kurt reminded him, defensively.

“How could I?” Seb sounded helpless, defeated. “You made it clear you were done with me.”

“I can’t ever be done with you,” Kurt looked with sincerity into Sebastian’s gorgeous green eyes. “I was moronic to think I could ever be done. I need you Sebastian. My dad is dying. I know we are all here pretending he’s going to be just fine but this surgery today is a last ditch effort to save his life and a long shot at that. He’s going to die and I’m going to need you.”

“I’ll be there for you. Whenever you need anything you can always call me and I’ll be there for you but I can’t be with you anymore. It’s too much. It’s too painful.”

Tears welled in Kurt’s eyes. He swallowed hard. He nodded his understanding.

“We had something so special. I couldn’t bear for us to end up hating one another,” Sebastian smiled sadly.

“Thank you Seb,” a tear escaped Kurt’s eye and rolled down his cheek. Kurt had so much to thank Sebastian for, years of happy memories, of Thanksgivings and Christmases, birthdays, anniversaries, vacations, lazy Sundays where they’d snuggled in bed, shared waffles and made love over and over. Kurt couldn’t believe he was never going to have that again. That sometime soon there would be another man sharing Sebastian’s life, his holidays, his waffles, his bed. He’d broken up with Seb months ago but his heart had assumed that they’d reunite but... now he knew they wouldn’t be.

Someday, maybe soon, maybe later Sebastian would be saying all Kurt’s I love you’s to someone else. He’d be sweeping that guy off his feet with a heart felt proposal. He’d be saying I do to him. They’d be shopping together for a family home, choosing surrogates or filling out adoption papers, taking vacations, sharing holidays, loving each other. 

The realisation shattered Kurt’s heart into a million pieces right there in that living room. He felt weak, dizzy, nauseous. His head spun and as he stood still, staring at Sebastian trying to imprint his image in his mind’s eye forever he knew he had no one to blame but himself. He’d broke them and he would regret it for the rest of his life. 

“Can I get one final hug?” He whispered emotionally. 

Seb nodded. He extended his arms to Kurt. Kurt stepped forward wrapping his arms around Seb’s neck. They squeezed each other tight for the longest time neither wanting to let go. Both knowing once they did they were through. 

“Ugh, I’m losing my towel,” Seb chuckled awkwardly. 

“I really don’t mind,” Kurt sniggered as Seb stepped back, turning away to readjust it tight around his middle. It took him a minute. He used the time to compose himself. Modesty somehow seeming important in that moment. Really it wasn’t though. Kurt had seen him naked a million times, he’d stripped him naked often, touched him, tasted him, made him feel pleasure unlike any he’d ever experienced before. That was over now though. Seb took a long, slow breath and fought to hold himself together to face Kurt one last time. 

He turned back slowly. His mouth agape as Kurt knelt down on one knee before him, extending an open box out to him, a ring box. Where the fuck had that come from? When had Kurt planned this? The tears filling Seb’s eyes made it almost impossible to see but it was definitely a ring. A stunning shiny, silver, no probably platinum, Sebastian guessed, unique, obviously custom designed ring. It had two small stones imbedded in the band, a garnet, his birthstone and a green emerald that was Kurt’s. It was a truely lovely ring. So thought out, so perfectly them. Sebastian looked between it and Kurt’s face. Both were so very lovely. 

Kurt looked hopeful, teary eyed but so hopeful. “I know right now we are a mess. I know you think we’re done and maybe we are but I’ll hate myself forever if I don’t at least ask. I love you so so much Sebby, so much and I want you so badly... I want you to be my husband, to be the man that no matter what happens or where I go that I’ll always return to. Please Sebby don’t give up on us. Please say you’ll let me make you happy again. Please marry me.”

Sebastian smiled softly. He chuckled awkwardly. This is was the last thing he’d been expecting. Somehow it had been implied throughout their entire relationship that when the time was right that it would be him who would pop the question. He and Hunter had gone out months ago and bought a ring. It sat in Seb’s sock drawer, waiting for the perfect moment to be revealed except then Burt had become unwell and everything had fallen apart. Sebastian had never been able to bring himself to return it. That would have been too final.

And now here was Kurt, down on one knee, looking up at Sebastian with so much love. What could he possibly be thinking? This was crazy wasn’t it? They were over weren’t they? And even if they weren’t this was never how Sebastian had expected it to go. He’d intended to plan a big extravaganza of some kind. Candles? flowers? A hot air balloon? sky writing? really he had no idea but he did know that it was never going to be like this, them alone in their living room, exhausted and depleted, barely hanging by a thread after the worst sex of their relationship and yet here they were and in this apartment right now a beautiful ring and a solid future with a even more beautiful man were on offer.

Sebastian didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know how to feel. He didn’t know what he wanted. He loved Kurt and the idea of the future they’d once planned together but weren’t things different now? Sebastian really didn’t know how to react. He was shocked, speechless, for the second time today he was caught totally unawares by Kurt’s spontaneity. “You just proposed to me? I’m in a fucking towel.” He cupped his hands over his mouth in a gasp as the reality of the moment suddenly struck him. He burst emotionally into tears. “Ugh! You are a such a fucking asshole. I hate you Kurt Hummel.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nothing is simple with Sebastian...

“You don’t hate me,” Kurt smirked up at his love’s confused face. “And I have say I’m quite a fan of the towel but if it’s bothering you I won’t object to you discarding it.”

“You think you’re so cute don’t you?” Sebastian huffed. 

“Well yeah,” Kurt nodded smugly, his confidence building. Sebastian hadn’t said no... yet. “So?” Kurt thrust the ring box further forward, gesturing to it with his eyes. “Are you going to make me the happiest guy alive or not?”

“I don’t know,” Sebastian’s face scrunched with scepticism. He ran a hand anxiously through his hair, looking everywhere now except at Kurt and the ring that he was patiently offering. “How would it even work?”

“It would work by you saying yes and letting me put this ring, that I very carefully designed especially for you, on your finger,” Kurt replied hopefully. 

“You know that’s not what I mean,” Sebastian began to pace, 3 steps toward the window, 3 steps back, 3 steps toward the window, 3 steps back, repeatedly, rapidly. “We were broken up and you turn up here after almost three months of silence with a ring. That’s kinda crazy. Don’t you think? How long have you been planning this?”

“Planning?” Kurt shook his head. “You think I planned to propose to you like this? I wanted it be as special and amazing as you are Sebastian.”

“Get up Kurt,” Sebastian sighed. “Let me go and get dressed. I need to think and you’re distracting me.”

“I’m distracting you?” Kurt wondered if he should be flattered as he clambered awkwardly to his feet.

“You on your knees is very distracting,” Sebastian grimaced. He wished his resistance against Kurt could be stronger but he loved him too much and their attraction was too strong. It had always been too strong. Now wasn’t the time to be thinking with his dick though. He needed to make a decision that would effect the rest of his life. If he said yes, he had to be prepared to forgive Kurt for leaving him and forgive himself for violating him before they could even begin to move forward together. If he said no, then undoubtedly he would lose Kurt, maybe not right away. They might be able to agree to a mutual friendship but how long could that last once they started seeing other men? Sebastian couldn’t imagine any man out there that would be comfortable with having an ex hanging around indefinitely. 

This was what Sebastian thought about as he headed to his bedroom, the bedroom that he had once shared with Kurt, that still felt so empty without Kurt. He’d missed him so much. “Grab yourself a Diet Coke if you want,” he called down the hall to Kurt as he tossed his damp towel on his bed. 

“Thanks,” he heard Kurt call back as he pulled on clean underwear. He took out his favourite shirt and a pair of jeans from his closet and began to dress, listening to Kurt move around outside in the kitchen. “Where’s your dog?”

“My dog walker came and took him to the groomers,” Sebastian responded as he buttoned his shirt. He checked his reflection in mirror. His hair was a mess. He looked a mess. A mass of anxiety. Kurt had just proposed to him. It was insane. He didn’t know what to do. 

He crossed his room, pulled open his sock drawer and took out the ring box he’d buried at the back. Sitting on his bed he opened it, admiring the familiar ring it contained. It was a work of art, not too dissimilar to the one Kurt had offered him. That didn’t surprise him though they did have the same taste in many things. 

The ring for Kurt was pretty, yet masculine, a platinum band, with tiny diamonds and flecks of stones in all the colours of Kurt eyes. Sebastian adored those glasz eyes. He’d spent the last 11 weeks hoping, praying that he’d one day be waking up to those eyes again. There was now the possibility of that becoming a reality and it terrified yet excited him. He closed the box and sat it down on his bed. He got up and pulled on his jeans, Kurt’s favourite, way too tight jeans. Jeans that hugged his ass perfectly and left very little else to the imagination. 

Sebastian took a deep breath. He checked his reflection again. He needed to fix his hair but was worried he didn’t have time. He was worried that Kurt might get sick of waiting for him and leave again. Would that insecurity last forever? 

Kurt wasn’t going anywhere however. He’d grabbed himself a Diet Coke and a piece of fruit from the bowl on Seb’s kitchen counter then had cosied himself up in the corner of the sofa. He was checking his phone when Seb returned. 

“Everything okay with Burt?” Seb enquired with genuine concern assuming that was what Kurt was looking at.

“No news yet,” Kurt shrugged, putting his phone away in his pocket to give Seb his full attention. “I guess that’s good right? Means he’s still alive.”

“He’s a fighter Kurt, mentally tough and he loves you and Carole so much. He will get through this. I’m sure of it,” Sebastian responded encouragingly. 

“He loves you too,” Kurt reminded Seb kindly. The ring box sat on the coffee table between them. Kurt patted the sofa cushion beside him, prompting Seb to sit with him.

Sebastian accepted the offer, looking cautiously between Kurt and the box as he sat. 

“Are you okay?” Kurt checked. He could feel the anxiety radiating from Sebastian’s body and after his panic attack earlier in the day he was concerned.

“I’m really tired. I don’t know,” Sebastian grimaced. “I guess I’m nervous. I have a lot of questions. I’m wondering how we would ever make this work. What makes you think it can when you were so adamant before that it couldn’t?”

“Are you saying yes?” Kurt smiled wide. He reached for the ring box. 

Sebastian beat him to it. He opened it and examined the piece of jewellery more closely, thoughtfully, It was stunning but that really wasn’t the point. The ring didn’t matter so much, what mattered was what it symbolised, a life time of love with Kurt. Sebastian knew he wanted that more than anything but he still had reservations. He was a stubborn, logical man. He came from family of stubborn, logical people. People who had instilled strong family values in him, values that he wanted to pass down to his own children one day, values that told him marriage was serious and forever, not something to be taken lightly. “How would we make it work?” He asked again.

“I was thinking maybe I might cancel my hotel booking and stay here with you for the week. We could hang out and get reacquainted. I’m going to have to go back to Ohio next Monday when Dad’s released from hospital because he is going to be weaker than ever after today, but it won’t be forever. We could keep in touch over the phone, with zoom. We could commute back and forth as often as we can afford. Maybe you could take some leave from work and come with me for a while? I don’t know if that’s something you’d be willing to consider. I’ll be back here early next month for Jeffie’s birthday so if not we can least see each other then.”

“You’re coming back to NYC for Jeffie’s birthday?” Sebastian looked less than pleased. He closed the ring box and sat it back on the coffee table. 

“Yes,” Kurt nodded, surprised by Seb’s attitude. “I thought you would be pleased. We could spent the weekend together and go to Jeffie’s party.”

“What about my birthday? Will you will come back for that too?” Sebastian muttered, insecurely, looking down at his bare feet. 

“If you wear those jeans, I will,” Kurt flirted, with a suggestive raised eyebrow, clutching Seb’s thigh.

“I’m serious,” Sebastian pouted. “When did you two get so close? You’ll all Jeffie this and Jeffie that. You’ve spoken to him almost every day since you left. You didn’t even text me once.”

“You don’t need to be jealous of him. You know why I was silent,” Kurt squeezed Sebastian’s leg affectionately. “I was trying to let go Seb.”

“And how did that work out for you?” Seb checked moodily covering Kurt’s hand with his own.

“Horribly,” Kurt savoured the contact. “It’s true what they say. Absence does make the heart grow fonder.”

Seb nodded his agreement. He met Kurt’s eyes with his own. “Marriage is a huge deal Kurt.”

“I know,” Kurt smiled lovingly. “It’s not like we’ve never talked about it before. I think we’ve always been heading in that direction.”

“That was before,” Seb gnawed his lip nervously. He wanted to move past the residual pain he was feeling but wasn’t quite there yet. 

“You don’t have to give me an answer yet if you’re not sure Hun,” Kurt fought to hide his disappointment. “I would never rush you to make such an important decision. We have time. Please know though that I love you and I want this more than I’ve ever wanted anything.”

“Thank you,” Seb responded lamely. 

“Hmmm,” Kurt grimaced. “Not exactly the response I was hoping for. Is it the ring? Don’t you like it?”

“The ring is beautiful. You are beautiful,” Seb raised Kurt’s hand from his thigh to his lips and placed a soft kiss to Kurt’s palm, enjoying the soft sigh it drew from Kurt. “It’s not the ring. Look... cancel that hotel of yours, stay here. We’ll see how it goes, see if we still work and I promise before you head back to Ohio on Monday you’ll have my answer.”

Kurt smiled with contentment. He’d have loved an immediate yes from Sebastian but under the circumstances his willingness to consider Kurt’s proposal, his willingness to let Kurt stay under his roof would have to be enough. It was definitely progress after their separation.

“I should go now and get my stuff,” Kurt suggested. “That way I can get settled in before I have to head back to the hospital.”

“Of course,” Seb nodded. “Like I said earlier the sheets on the guest bed are fresh. You should be very comfortable in there.”

“You want me to stay in the guest bedroom?” Kurt was slightly offended.

“Would you believe sex before marriage is against my religion?” Sebastian offered unconvincingly. His intention wasn’t to hurt Kurt. He just wasn’t quite ready to play happy families again yet and wanted to be gentle in his expression of that.

“I would believe that you don’t believe in religion,” Kurt responded clearly unimpressed. “I thought we were trying to see if we still work. Part of that is...”

“Sex?” Sebastian uttered with disgust.

“Well yes,” Kurt nodded. “But also cuddling and... What I missed most while we were apart was waking up in your arms.”

“You expect me to believe that?” Sebastian wasn’t buying it.

“It’s true,” Kurt stood firm. “There were so many nights I would dream of you. It was devastating to wake up in an empty bed without you.”

“You chose that,” Seb reminded him bluntly. “I never wanted that.”

“Going to help dad wasn’t really a choice,” Kurt defended himself.

“Breaking up with me to do it was,” Seb’s tone was bitchy. “I do want you here Kurt. I want to try again but I can’t just pretend that nothing happened. I can’t pretend that everything is exactly the same as before. I need time. Time to heal. Time before I’ll ready to have you back in my bed and time to consider your proposal.”

“That’s fair,” Kurt was willing to accept that. Sebastian deserved time. Kurt had taken a lot from him. It was the least he could give him back. 

“Do you want to come with me to pick up my things?” Kurt asked him with eyes full of hope. 

Sebastian scrunched his nose. “Would you mind terribly if I didn’t? Need time to hide all my porn,” he bantered lightly.

Kurt side eyed him and smirked. “I get it. You need time alone.”

“All this is a lot,” Sebastian admitted. “If I grab you some cash would you mind picking me up a coffee though on your way back? Black double shot.”

Kurt rolled his eyes. “I know how you take your coffee babe and don’t worry about the money. I don’t mind grabbing one for you.”

“Well thanks,” Seb smiled weakly. 

“You’re welcome,” Kurt smiled back as he got up from the sofa. “I won’t be long.”

“I’ll be here,” Seb sighed as Kurt turned for the door. “Hey would you mind terribly if we skipped dinner out tonight. I know we made plans but...”

“Let’s order in,” Kurt cut him off. “It’s been forever since I had a good vegan New York Pizza.”

“There’s no such thing as good vegan pizza,” Sebastian chuckled. “But okay.”

Kurt looked down at Sebastian. He seemed so small just sitting there on their sofa. In the past this was a moment Kurt would have kissed him. Not a massive mind blowing, pants dropping, lets get it on kinda kiss, but just a tender I love you and I’ll see you soon peck. It was hard to fight the urge. He moved towards the door. He knew he’d be back in less than an hour but it was still difficult to leave.

“What?” Seb halted him as he reached the door. “No goodbye kiss?”

“I didn’t know...” Kurt turned back to him. “I don’t know what we are.”

“We are...” Sebastian mused, “complicated.”

“That doesn’t tell me anything,” Kurt returned to Seb as he stood from the sofa.

“It’s tells you that you are not free to pursue that fucking waiter,” Sebastian spoke firmly.

“That’s all I need to know,” Kurt leaned with a grin and a hand on Seb’s hip and pecked Seb’s lips affectionately. “Happy now?” 

“I will be,” Seb grinned back. 

“These jeans,” Kurt sighed, looking deep into Sebastian’s warm green eyes. He let his hand trail down over the curve of Seb’s ass. “You’re killing me.”

“You deserve it,” Seb quipped. “Now go! Get out of here. Your dad will out of surgery in just a few hours and we need to get to the hospital.”

“Right,” Kurt nodded. He pecked Seb’s lips again then turned with a wave for the door. “I’ll be quick I promise.”

Seb concentrated on his breathing as he watched Kurt leave...again. It should have been easier this time. Kurt was only going a few blocks up the street to get his clothes and coffees. He’d be back in no time. Seb’s logical brain knew that but his poor heart wasn’t so sure. 

With Kurt temporarily absent Sebastian took another look at the ring. Removing it from the box, he tried it on. It was a perfect fit and it looked good, really good, not too bold or too subtle. He imagined showing it to his friends, his family, wearing it proudly everyday as symbol of Kurt’s love for him. Jeff and Nick even Hunter, who were all bored now with his heartbroken wallowing would all be so pleased for him, excited and undoubtedly relieved. He expected his mother would be delighted. She’d be in her element planning a wedding with Kurt. Those two had always been close. They’d shopped together, had spa days together, hair appointments. Kurt was like the ‘daughter’ she’d never had. Seb’s father too would be pleased he’d smirk, roll his eyes and say something like “about time! How much is this going to cost me?”

A wedding... That felt a little daunting. It wasn’t as if Seb hadn’t thought about his wedding though, or even about his and Kurt’s wedding. He’d considered it, obviously, or he’d never have dragged Hunter all over New York City looking for Kurt’s ring. He’d imagined maybe a small garden in the spring, lots of flowers, lots of friends and loved ones, lots of wine and fancy finger foods, Kurt stunningly hot in his tux. He’d even thought about what he might say... but then Kurt had left him and suddenly none of that felt like even the remotest possibility anymore. 

Seb sighed and attempted to remove the ring from his finger. It wouldn’t shift. He tried twisting it a little and tugging at it. That hurt but it didn’t work. “Fuck,” He cursed. This wasn’t good. If Kurt came back and saw him wearing it he’d assume Sebastian was saying yes. Sebastian was 90 percent sure he was saying yes but he wanted time to mull over that last 10 percent, time to ensure he made the best decision for him and to maybe make Kurt sweat just a little. 

Seb began to panic, he tried to think of scenes he’d seen like this in movies. How did they do it? He couldn’t think. He just needed it off. He called Nick for help.

Nick was at the farmers market choosing some peaches for a peach cobbler that his precious husband had promised to make him. He sighed, agitated by the intrusion as his phone rang. 

“It’s Seb,” he rolled his eyes at Jeff. Nick loved Seb, he truly did and he was sympathetic to the pain he had been going through since Kurt left but he really didn’t want to deal with it today. 

“You better answer it,” Jeff looked concerned. “With Kurt in town he can’t be having an easy time of it. He could be hanging from his fancy living room chandelier.” 

Nick grimaced then accepted the call with a cheery hello.

Sebastian was a babbling mess and Nick was barely able to catch a word he was saying. “Woah woah woah,” he spoke calmly. “Slow down Sebastian, try again.”

Seb took a deep breath and tried again explaining the situation to Nick more coherently as Jeff listened in.

Jeff couldn’t hold back. “Leave it on and say yes, you moron. Isn’t this what you’ve been wanting? What are you waiting for?”

“What if he leaves again?” Seb mumbled.

“There are no guarantees Seb. We all know that but he loves you and you love him. It’s worth taking the risk,” Jeff was always the romantic.

“Put Nick back on,” Seb requested moodily. “I’m not even really talking to you right now Jeff. I know about the waiter’s phone number.”

“He was hot,” Jeff retorted, as if that made it okay. 

“That’s even worse,” Seb pouted. “What do I do about the ring?”

“Lube,” Jeff suggested. “You’ve got some right?”

“Of course I have lube,” Sebastian replied sarcastically. 

“Coat your finger in it. I’m sure you’ve done that before,” he joked. “It should slide right in, I mean right off.”

“You’re an ass,” Sebastian grumbled at Jeff.

“So he popped the question huh? Can’t say I’m surprised. Was it super romantic? Is the ring gorgeous? I don’t doubt it is. He has impeccable taste. Kinda pissed though he didn’t tell me at breakfast this morning,” Jeff gushed excitedly “anyway I really have to go. Nicky and I are squeezing peaches. Good luck with it. See you soon.”

Jeff ended the call before Seb could say another word. He looked at his phone perplexed for a moment before realising he needed to deal with the ring. He returned to his bedroom, his ring for Kurt still sat on his bed. He put that back in his sock drawer for now and took a tube of lube from his bedside table. Mango, Kurt’s favourite not his. He’d stocked up on it when Kurt left, the smell reminding him of Kurt every time he touched himself. It helped get him there so much quicker. 

Right now he hoped it would do this job quickly too. He squeezed probably more than he needed onto to his ring finger, coating the piece of jewellery thoroughly in the slippery substance. He twisted gently and to this great relief this time it slipped right off. Thank you Jeff. Thank you Lube Gods.

He quickly put the lube away and went to the bathroom to clean up the evidence, drying the ring, he returned it safely to box with a sigh. Without it his finger already looked bare. Maybe he was really 95 percent sure of saying yes. He’d had always been happy with Kurt. Well at least 95 percent of the time anyway. 

There were times when like everyone, Kurt could be a handful like he was the neediest sick person Sebastian had ever encountered. Mopey, clingy and onerous. While Seb would take an aspirin and soldier on with a cold Kurt whined for every treatment known to man as well as ice packs, homemade soup and a very particular brand of tissues. This always tested Sebastian’s patience. Kurt was also an obsessive clothes shopper and hoarder demanding at least three quarters of their shared closet. To Sebastian that seemed so excessive and unnecessary. A man could after all only wear so many clothes at a time. Kurt also tended to be very invasive. He was affectionate and had no physical boundaries. Most of the time that was nice but he’d never seemed to understand until today that sometimes Seb needed space. Space to move, to breathe, to think. 

Regardless of all that, Sebastian realised as he grabbed himself a bag of duritos from the pantry that he loved Kurt intensely. He loved having him back under their roof. He took his corn chips and went to check the guest room. It was clean and tidy but he opened the window slightly to let in air. He was sure Kurt would be comfortable in here though he wasn’t sure how long his will power would make it last. Just the soft goodbye peck from Kurt had left him horny. It was going to be a long week.

Seb returned to the living room. Just as he flopped down on the sofa, a knock came at his door. He dragged himself to the door to answer it. Kawhi dashed inside as Seb opened the door. He barked enthusiastically, jumping up onto the sofa, then back down again, running at Seb and bouncing around him. Seb chuckled, patting the excited pooch as he greeted the dog walker. 

“They shampooed him, clipped his claws and whatever else,” she smiled at Seb. “And we took a walk in the park. He really loves to play fetch doesn’t be?”

“He does,” Sebastian agreed. “Same time Monday yes? I’ll be at work but I’ve got a friend staying so don’t be alarmed if you run into him. I’ll tell him to expect you.”

“No problem. Thank you Mr Smythe,” the young woman smiled. She waved fondly at Kawhi who now sat politely by Sebastian’s side. “Bye Kawhi.”

Sebastian responded with a quiet “bye” and closed the door. He lead the dog into the kitchen, changed his water and fed him. He then returned to the sofa and his corn chips and switched on the tv. He tried not to look at the clock and tried not to wonder how long Kurt had been or IF he’d be back, of course he’d be back, instead he scrolled through Netflix deciding on a movie to distract himself. Kawhi soon joined him. They snuggled up together, the dog’s chin resting on Seb’s thigh and Seb, exhausted from stress and lack of sleep was soon lightly snoring. No one needed a nap more than him.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt struggles to face the severity of Burt’s health concerns but Sebastian has his back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay folks. Enjoy x

“Did I wake you sweetheart?” Kurt smiled affectionately at Sebastian as Seb opened his front door. To Kurt he looked beyond adorable, all sleepy eyed and crumpled with tousled hair. It reminded Kurt of the countless times that he’d woken up in Sebastian’s arms and he couldn’t resist kissing his flushed cheek. 

“Yeah, I think,” Seb replied vaguely, with a yawn. A little disoriented, he licked at his dry lips and stared at Kurt as if he couldn’t quite believe he was actually there. He didn’t move. 

“Are you going to let me in Sebby?” Kurt prompted quietly offering up the coffees he was carrying. “I come baring gifts.”

“Umm sure, yeah sorry,” Seb accepted the coffees from Kurt then lead him inside. Kurt dragged his over sized, over full suitcase inside then awkwardly reached around it to close the door behind him.

“You should have called up. I would have helped you get your luggage upstairs.”  
Seb offered. He looked unsurprised and a little amused by Kurt’s excessively large suitcase as he sat the coffees on the kitchen counter. Sebastian had been away with Kurt many times and he knew exactly what Kurt’s idea of travel “essentials” were. He would bet there were a least a dozen pairs of shoes/boots and countless changes of clothes in that case for Kurt’s 10 day visit. Something for every occasion.

“I was fine,” Kurt assured him. “I ran into Cameron downstairs. He carried it up for me.”

“Oh!” Seb looked unimpressed. He hated that their upstairs neighbour always flirted with Kurt. “I bet he was more than pleased to do that. He’s always had a massive crush on you.”

“You’re being neurotic. The guy’s 45 years old. I guess maybe if I ever decide one day that I want a sugar daddy he might be a candidate. He’s hot and he is loaded.”

“You think he’s hot?” Sebastian’s frown deepened.

“I think that not every guy that is nice to me wants into my pants,” Kurt scowled. 

“Maybe,” Seb conceded, checking Kurt out a little. “But they are really are great pants.”

“You’re impossible,” Kurt chuckled fondly. “They’re your sweat pants Sebastian...So do I just leave this case in the guest room?”

“Yeah,” Seb nodded. He felt a little guilty about making Kurt sleep in there but he honestly felt it was for the best. They needed time to readjust to being around each other again. He needed time. “I opened the window and aired it out a little. You should be comfortable in there.”

“Thanks,” Kurt replied flatly. He headed for the guest room. As much as he didn’t like it he wanted to be respectful of Sebastian’s boundaries.

Seb took his coffee from the counter and took a seat on the sofa. Kawhi who’d been napping too, woke and snuggled into him as he carefully sipped the steaming beverage. It was super hot. “Have you heard any news about your dad?” He asked with concern as Kurt returned to the living room.

“Nothing yet,” Kurt sighed. He grabbed his coffee and took a seat on the chair adjacent to Sebastian, curling his legs comfortably beneath him. “I guess that’s good though right? It means he’s still alive.”

“It does,” Seb nodded encouragingly. He was slowly becoming more alert but he yawned again. “Be careful with your coffee Babe. They are searing hot.”

“Thanks,” Kurt smiled, taking a cautious sip. “You know if you’re too tired you can stay here while I head back to the hospital to see Dad. Catch up on some sleep.”

“It’s okay,” Seb shook his head. “I’d like to come. You shouldn’t have to face all this alone.”

“I can call Jeff,” Kurt offered. “He said if I need anything just to let him know.”

Seb sighed with frustration. “Can you please just let me into your life?” He asked a little too sharply. “I’m really trying here Kurt. It hurts but I want to support you, be here for you, so for fucks sake just let me.”

“I don’t want to be a burden on you,” Kurt protested lamely. He was cautious of expecting too much from Sebastian when their relationship was on such thin ice. 

“When you love someone nothing they need is a burden,” Seb replied quietly between slurps of coffee. “You asked me to marry you but we can’t get closer Kurt if you’re going to keep putting walls up.”

“You’re right,” Kurt agreed. “I’m sorry. Honestly I’d really love you to be with me when I see Dad. I’ve been watching him become weaker and more exhausted as weeks go by. I’m scared of how much this surgery will have depleted him.”

“It’s his road to recovery. Healing pain rather than harmful pain,” Sebastian offered with quiet optimism.

“That’s a great way to look at it,” Kurt smiled fondly. “You always did know the right things to say.”

“I didn’t know what to say to keep us together,” Seb sighed. “I’m so glad you’re here now though.”

“I’m glad too,” Kurt tried to ignore Seb’s little dig at him. He knew there would undoubtedly be more of them. He deserved them. 

“This coffee is good,” Seb changed the subject. 

“Our usual cart,” Kurt mumbled. “That same girl still works there. Her hair is green now. I’m sure last time I went there it was purple.”

“I like the green,” Seb grinned. “I think it suits her better.”

“Me too, reminds me of your eyes,” Kurt spoke sincerely. “I’ve always thought you had pretty eyes.”

“Not sure that’s true,” Seb scrunched his nose. “Remember when you told me I had a meerkat face?”

“Well yeah but Meerkats have pretty eyes,” Kurt chuckled. “I stand by both statements.”

“Well that’s just rude,” Sebastian frowned with amusement. 

“Rude is not bothering to feed your house guest when his dad is in the hospital,” Kurt rose an eyebrow. “I’m starving. Do you still have the pizza place’s number saved on your phone?”

“I was going to offer you dinner,” Seb defended himself, “but I wasn’t sure if you wanted to eat now or after we got home from seeing your dad and besides you’re hardly a house guest. You lived here for over 3 years Kurt.”

“I miss it,” Kurt sighed. “It seems different though, feels different.”

“The life sort of left the place when you left,” Seb broke eye contact. “I did consider moving but it’s such a hassle and I really haven’t had the energy.”

“Jeff might have mentioned that you’ve been depressed,” Kurt looked concerned.

“Jeff can fuck off. I’m fine,” Seb snapped at Kurt.

“What’s with the animosity toward Jeff?” Kurt’s concern deepened.

“Let’s order pizza. Do you still want the vegan? They do that cauliflower base that you like,” Sebastian replied evasively.

“I think I want the comfort of carbs and real cheese tonight,” Kurt replied. He was worried about what Sebastian wasn’t saying. “I’ll just go with the vegetarian.”

“Okay,” Seb nodded as he put down his coffee. He grabbed his phone and dialled the number “and I’ll have the pepperoni, with extra pepperoni and extra cheese.”

“Somethings don’t change,” Kurt smiled at the familiarity of being with Seb in their apartment while he ordered his usual pizza. There was something immensely comforting about it. Being with Sebastian always made Kurt feel comforted.

Once their order was placed Seb ended the call and returned to his coffee. The pair, both tired sat silently observing each other for the longest time. 

Both were pleased to be in each other’s company. 

“I forgot to order drinks,” Sebastian grimaced, breaking the silence. 

“That’s okay. There’s still Diet Coke in the fridge,” Kurt reminded Seb as Kurt’s phone began to ring. Kurt’s heart skipped a beat anxiously as he took it out and saw Carole’s name on the screen. “I’m scared,” he muttered before accepting the call.

Seb watched on attentively as Kurt spoke to Carole, trying to read the emotions on Kurt’s beautiful face. He shifted Kawhi from the sofa and slid closer to Kurt, so he was within reach. The conversation was short and Kurt looked emotional as it ended and he slipped his phone back into his pocket. 

“He’s out of surgery,” Kurt muttered numbly. “He went into cardiac arrest and he’s in the icu in a critical condition. I need to go to the hospital.”

“Let’s go then,” Seb got to his feet. He reached a hand to Kurt.

Kurt looked up at him blankly. “What about our pizza?” 

“It’s okay sweetheart. I’ll call them on the way,” Seb narrowed his eyes. 

“Oh,” Kurt nodded, “sure, okay.” He still wasn’t moving. He sat frozen. His eyes had kind of glazed over. Seb wasn’t sure if Kurt was even seeing him. 

He crouched down to Kurt’s eye level compassionately. He tenderly gripped Kurt’s jaw tilting his head until their eyes met. “Everything is going to be okay,” Seb assured Kurt. “I’ve got you Baby.”

“I know,” Kurt smiled sadly. He took both Seb’s hands in his, squeezing them gently. “I don’t know if I can do this,” Kurt whispered. He looked terrified. 

“We’ll do it together,” Seb raised one of Kurt’s hands to his lips and kissed his palm. “You aren’t alone Kurt.”

Kurt nodded. His eyes dropped closed. He inhaled then exhaled before returning his gaze to Sebastian. “You go,” he suggested. “I’ll wait for the pizza. I’m really hungry.”

“No honey,” Seb shook his head. “Your dad needs to see you. I’ll grab you something to eat while we’re out.”

Kurt sighed, a single tear ran down his right cheek.

Seb wiped it away lovingly with his thumb. “Just stand up for me baby,” he urged Kurt kindly.

“Yeah,” Kurt nodded, together they both rose to their feet. Seb pulled Kurt into a tender embrace, stroking his back lovingly. Kurt clung to him, sobbing.

“Let it out sweetheart,” Seb kissed Kurt’s hair. “Let it all out. I’m here. I’ve got you. It’s okay.” He held Kurt as he cried, making no effort to rush him. It seemed to him that Kurt had been holding this in for a while. 

Eventually Kurt pulled back, red eyed and sniffing. “Ugh,” He groaned, “I’ve made your shirt all wet. I’m sorry.”

“That doesn’t matter babe,” Seb smiled softly cupping Kurt’s face. “What matters is you being okay.”

“I’m scared he’s going to die,” Kurt whispered fearfully. “I already lost my mother. I’ll be an orphan. I’ll be all alone. What will I do then?”

“You won’t be alone sweetheart,” Seb assured Kurt with a soft peck to his lips. “You have Jeff and Nick, Carole, Elliott and you’ll always have me.”

“Everything is such a mess,” Kurt burst into tears again. Seb pulled him close once more, whispering loving words of comfort to him as he sobbed.

“You’re gonna be okay,” Seb pulled back once Kurt stopped and retrieved him some tissues from the kitchen counter. Kurt accepted them wiping his eyes and blowing his nose. 

“I’m sorry you have to deal with this,” Kurt looked ashamed, “Thank you for being so kind to me.”

“Why don’t you take a minute?” Seb suggested. “Go take a quick shower, freshen up, put some of your own clothes on. Maybe you’ll feel better then when we go to see your dad.”

“Will you join me?” Kurt asked quietly.

“We already agreed I’d come to the hospital with you,” Seb reminded him.

“I meant in the shower,” Kurt offered. “You seem up for it.” Kurt gestured down to the erection Seb had been sporting but ignoring since he’d opened the door to Kurt.

Seb shook his head. “We both know that’s not a good idea. You go though, at least splash some water on your face and change your clothes. I’ll call the pizza place and cancel and sort Kawhi.”

“Are you sure?” Kurt checked hopefully. “I’m horny as fuck. In case you didn’t notice only one of us came earlier and it wasn’t me.”

Seb looked down shamefully. “We need to get to the hospital Kurt. Maybe I can make that up to you some other time.”

“Whatever,” Kurt rolled his eyes petulantly before heading to the guest bedroom for fresh clothes on his way to the bathroom.

Seb called the pizza place and cancelled their order then filled Kawhi’s food and water. He turned on a lamp in the corner for the dog then went to his own room to freshen up a little, reapplying deodorant, changing his tear soaked shirt and fixing his sleep tousled hair.

He waited for Kurt and then they headed out together. Kurt didn’t speak all the way to the hospital. Sebastian understood he was distressed and supported the silence. He hovered close as they approached Burt’s room, watching Kurt’s anxiety rise with each step he took. He wished more than anything that he could relieve Kurt of that. He hoped his presence helped a little.

Carole stepped from the room as they approached and greeted Kurt and Seb in the hall with a hug. Kurt barely acknowledged her, staring through the glass at his father’s limp body hooked up to machines. “How is he?” Seb mouthed to Carole as he stepped up beside Kurt and linked their fingers. 

Kurt sighed in acknowledgement of Seb’s presence but otherwise remained still, just staring blankly.

“You can go in and sit with him honey,” Carole suggested aloud to Kurt while shaking her head at Seb with concern. Her husband wasn’t doing well. The doctor had told her the next 24 hours would be critical. Kurt wasn’t doing well either.

Kurt shuddered but said nothing. He clenched Seb’s hand a little tighter.

“I’ll come in with you if you want,” Seb whispered quietly.

Kurt shook his head. “I think we should go.”

“There’s no rush,” Seb reminded him. 

“I’m hungry,” Kurt sounded agitated as he turned from the window. “I still want that pizza.”

“You sit with Burt,” Seb suggested gently. He was very concerned about Kurt and the peculiar way he was reacting. “I’ll go get us pizza.”

“No,” Kurt shook his head. “I’m coming with you.”

Carole looked confused and as worried as Sebastian. “You could order one for delivery here,” she grimaced. “Your dad would love you to be here Kurt when he wakes.”

“What if he doesn’t wake?” Kurt aggressively speculated aloud. “What then?”

“Then we’ll deal with that,” Seb reassured him, “together.”

“I proposed to him,” Kurt told Carole bluntly, “had a ring designed especially and he didn’t say yes.”

“I didn’t say no either,” Seb defended himself awkwardly. “But now really isn’t the time for this conversation.”

“When then?” Kurt scowled at Seb releasing his hand. “Maybe after my father’s funeral. Look at him.” Kurt gestured towards the window into Burt’s private room. “How’s he going to come back from this?”

“He’s a fighter,” Seb responded encouragingly as tears rolled down Carole’s face. “He’s more stubborn than even you Kurt Hummel. He won’t be going anywhere before he’s ready.”

“As if he gets to decide,” Kurt rolled his eyes.

“Maybe he doesn’t,” Seb really had no idea what to say. “So if I were you I would spend every damn second I could with him while you can.”

Kurt turned back to the window. “Where’s your sister?” He asked Carole without turning to look at her.

“Her hip was troubling her,” Carole explained, wiping her eyes with a tissue from her purse. “I sent her back to the hotel to rest after I called you.”

“You should go too,” Kurt suggested, staring at Burt through the glass.

“I don’t want to leave my husband,” Carole explained. “We have never spent a night apart since we married. I can’t leave him now.”

Sebastian smiled softly, warmed by the romance of her statement. If he said yes to Kurt’s proposal and agreed to be his husband he hoped their marriage would be as loving as Burt and Carole’s rather than distant like his parents. 

“Did the doctor say if they got all the cancer?” Kurt checked coldly. 

“They are hopeful,” Carole nodded. “His heart is what’s concerning them. Since that wasn’t his first heart attack.”

“I’ll come back tomorrow,” Kurt grumbled. He turned and headed alone for the hospital elevator. Seb exchanged fearful glances with Carole before chasing after him. He reached him just in time before the elevator doors closed.

Seb watched Kurt as the elevator made its descent to the ground. He didn’t dare speak. Instead he followed Kurt out into the street after they reached the ground floor, struggling to keep up with him as he headed for home. Kurt sure could walk fast when he was upset. 

When he reached an intersection and was forced to stop for traffic he finally turned to Sebastian. “You think I’m a bad son,” he accused. “I can see it in your eyes.”

“I think you’re hurting and I wish I could make it stop for you,” Seb replied empathetically.

“I don’t need you to save me,” Kurt glared at Sebastian. “I need food then you’re going to take me home and fuck me again like you did earlier.”

“No I’m not,” Seb was adamant. “Never again like that Kurt.”

Kurt huffed as the lights changed and they stepped off the pavement.

“I hate myself for that,” Seb added. “If that’s what you need you’ve got the wrong man.”

“When we were broken up Jeff invited me for a threesome with him and Nick,” Kurt replied spitefully. He was hurting. He needed to share his pain, spread it around a little.

“He what?” Seb gasped. Kurt’s words had hit their mark. 

“A...three...some,” Kurt spoke deliberately.

“Great,” Seb muttered. He would be having furious words with Jeff later.

“Or you know Liam works just around the corner,” Kurt referred back to his breakfast waiter, not even getting his name right.

“You’re an asshole,” Sebastian responded with disgust. “I know your dad isn’t doing well but I’m trying to here for you. You know we still are broken up though so if you wanna go fuck Jeff or whoever go do it Kurt. Just don’t expect me to waiting for you when you’re done.”

Kurt stopped short. “I don’t want to be broken up with you,” he told Sebastian plainly, his eyes full of defeat. “I don’t want to be with anyone else.”

“Let’s get some dinner,” Sebastian suggested, struggling to deal with Kurt’s extreme mood swings. Hopefully taking a moment to eat would even Kurt out a little and he’d return to the hospital to be with his dad instead of spending his evening torturing Sebastian.

“I’m not hungry,” Kurt shook his head. “Do you want to get a drink? I could really use a margarita or we could pick up a bottle of tequila and I could lick it off your abs.”

“I don’t think you should be drinking right now,” Seb frowned. This wasn’t the Kurt he’d shared four years of his life with. His Kurt would be at his father’s bedside. Sebastian had no idea who this man was in Kurt’s body.

“Who are you?” Kurt scoffed. “My father?... no you’re not! Are you? My father is in hospital fucking dying and there’s nothing I can do about it. So why can’t I drink if I want to? Who are you to judge me? Your dad isn’t in the hospital.”

“No he isn’t,” Sebastian admitted. “But if he were I’d be right there with him, not on the street arguing with my ex and feeling sorry for myself.”

“I guess I’m just not as flawless and perfect as you,” Kurt replied weakly. “I wish I could be. I wish I always did and said the right thing and made the correct choices.”

“The correct choice right now would be to go back to the hospital and sit with your dad Kurt,” Sebastian him bluntly. “I’ll walk you back then grab us something to eat.”

“I can’t sit there and watch him die,” Kurt shook his head. “I can’t.”

“I don’t think he is going to die,” Seb took Kurt’s hand. “But if he does do you really want him to die alone?”

“Carole is with him,” Kurt reminded Seb moodily.

“He didn’t raise Carole,” Seb was fighting to remain patient, really he just wanted to shake Kurt, throw him over his shoulder like some Neanderthal and march him back to the ICU. “He didn’t care for Carole since she was born, love her for her entire life. He needs you Kurt. He needs his son. I know you’re afraid but I also know you’ll regret if he goes and you don’t get to say goodbye.”

“If I go back, will you shut the fuck up?” Kurt asked rudely, glaring at Sebastian. 

Seb nodded. He tried not to be offended. Kurt was hurting and he was right. It wasn’t Seb’s dad in that hospital bed. 

“Fine,” Kurt huffed. He turned, pulling Seb after him back up the street toward the hospital. Carole was beyond relieved to see them return, vacating her chair beside Burt for Kurt to take. 

“I’ll be back,” Seb pecked Kurt’s hair. “I’ll get that pizza you wanted.” He turned to Carole and checked if she needed anything but she assured him she had already eaten. He gave her a reassuring hand squeeze before leaving, actually feeling relieved to have a moment away from Kurt. Stress made Kurt a less appealing human. 

As Seb made his way out of the building he tried not to think about what Kurt had said on the street about Jeff, about Jeff inviting Kurt for a threesome except it was all he could think about. He was pissed about it. He wondered if it were true or if it was just Kurt lashing out. Jeff knew how Seb felt about Kurt. He knew how devastated he had been without him, surely he hadn’t propositioned him. Surely he hadn’t thought Seb would be okay with it if he had. 

Sebastian sighed. He hated today. He hated himself, his friends, the stupid waiter that had given Kurt his number, he even hated Kurt a little. Kurt who had proposed to him in a towel and expected that to make up for dumping him and ghosting him for months. Kurt who was being so damn moody and mean. Kurt who barely resembled the man that Sebastian had fallen in love with 4 years ago. 

With the way Sebastian felt in the moment, all he wanted to do was go home, jerk off and sleep. Maybe Jeff was right. Maybe he was depressed or maybe he was just tired of being taken for granted and treated like shit. Maybe just once he should be selfish, put himself first. Fuck Kurt and fuck Kurt’s pizza, Fuck Jeff and his fucking threesome. He’d never asked Seb for a threesome. What was up with that? Fuck the horny waiter. Fuck his life and everyone in it. 

Seb headed for home with determination, but then he paused when he reached the pizza shop. He couldn’t do it. He’d already been selfish today, using Kurt’s body cruelly and exclusively for his own pleasure. He regretted it, just as he knew he’d regret going home now. Soooooo...He stepped inside the pizza shop and placed his order. 1 pepperoni, extra pepperoni, extra cheese and 1 vegetarian. He paced outside on the pavement as he waited, trying to calm himself, trying not to feel hurt. When his order was done, he paid and returned to the hospital. 

Reaching Burt’s room, Seb watched Kurt through the window for a moment before Kurt noticed him. Masked and gowned, Kurt was alone with Burt now. His eyes looked tired as he held his dad’s hand and spoke to him. He looked like Seb’s Kurt again though, soft and compassionate, caring, loving and sweet. Seb smiled sadly as he watched. He didn’t want to disturb the tender moment.

“Are you family?” A kind nurse approached Sebastian.

“I might be the future son in law,” Seb inhaled deeply then exhaled. He still wasn’t sure whether he trusted Kurt enough to accept his proposal. “He proposed today,” Seb gestured to Kurt through the glass, his beautiful, exhausted Kurt. “I’m not sure we’re ready. There’s a lot going on.”

“You can go in,” the nurse smiled warmly. “Just gown up. I’m afraid you can’t take the pizza though.”

“Would you mind asking Kurt to come out then when he’s ready?” Seb asked hopefully. “He’s barely eaten today.”

“Of course,” she agreed. She washed and sanitised her hands, put on fresh gloves and raised her mask before entering the room. Seb watched as she spoke to Kurt. He looked up meeting Seb’s eyes warmly, then stood. He released Burt’s hand to join Seb in the hall. 

Kurt removed his gown, mask and gloves and put in them in the bins provided. “The nurse was telling me there’s a sitting room just past the elevators where we can eat,” Kurt gestured up the hall. “The pizza smells good.”

“Where’d Carole go?” Seb was surprised not to see her with her Kurt.

“I told her I needed some time alone with Dad,” Kurt explained, leading the way to the sitting room. He turned on the light as they entered the small room equipped with a table and chairs, tv and a small kitchenette with a coffee machine. He pulled a chair out for Sebastian and took one beside it.

Seb sat the pizzas on the table and took his seat. He opened the top box. It was clearly vegetarian, an abomination in his book. He placed it in front of Kurt.

“I’m sorry I was such a bastard out there on the street,” Kurt covered Seb’s hand with his own, as their eyes met. “That thing with Jeff and Nick...”

“The...three...some,” Sebastian retorted sarcastically, mocking Kurt’s earlier tone. 

“Yeah,” Kurt grimaced. “You should know I never considered it. I’m not even sure he was serious.”

“Oh, he was serious,” Sebastian frowned, pulling his hand away from Kurt to open his pizza box. “Why didn’t you?” 

“Because I’m still in love with you,” Kurt replied honestly. “Because I hoped once all this shit was done with Dad that you and I might find our way back together and because if I ever do have a threesome I want it to be with you.”

“Those are all good reasons,” Seb smiled sadly. “Who would be our third though?”

“Have you ever been with a black man?” Kurt asked curiously taking a slice of pizza from his box and biting into it.

Sebastian nodded subtly. “You know I have.” He began eating too. 

“Was he big?” 

“Sure, I guess,” Sebastian shrugged, feeling a little awkward. “Why?”

“Michael B Jordan,” Kurt offered. “He’s hot. He should be our third.”

“You know he’s straight right?” Seb eyed Kurt with amusement. 

“I know,” Kurt nodded, grimacing. “I’m sabotaging the whole thing because really I don’t want to share you.”

“I don’t want us to be broken up anymore,” Sebastian spoke around the food in his mouth.

“Are you accepting my proposal?” Kurt checked hopefully.

“I’m not sure we’re ready to get married yet. I’m not sure I’m ready. I can’t just go from being nothing to being your husband. I’d like to give boyfriend a try again for a while first. Would that be okay?” Sebastian spoke fearfully. He didn’t want to lose Kurt but he couldn’t go all in, not yet.

“Boyfriend?” Kurt speculated, his face stern. “Hmmm? I dunno Seb.”

“Oh,” Seb’s face fell as Kurt smirked.

“Boyfriend would be perfect,” Kurt conceded, smiling wide. He scooted his chair closer to Seb, taking his hand. 

Seb squeezed Kurt’s hand. He leaned in kissing Kurt softly. “So perfect,” He teared up a little.

“Does this mean I don’t have to sleep in the guest room now?” Kurt teased, wiping a rolling tear from this boyfriend’s cheek.

“I kinda assumed that we’d be staying here tonight,” Seb responded seriously, brushing his nose playfully against Kurt’s. 

“I think I will,” Kurt agreed. He grazed his lips against Seb’s. He couldn’t help himself. He so loved those lips. “You don’t have to though.”

“Try and stop me,” Seb challenged. “Seeing your dad like that honey must be so difficult. I can’t let you face that alone.”

“It’s not easy,” Kurt agreed. “Having you here helps though.”

“I’m no Michael B Jordan,” Seb teased. “But I do love you.”

“I love you too,” Kurt smiled, reaching into Seb’s pizza box and picking a slice of pepperoni from his pizza. He fed it to his man, groaning softly as Seb chewed, swallowed then sucked the meaty grease from Kurt’s fingers. “Even if you are a tease.”

“What’s a little light flirting between boyfriends?” Seb chuckled.

“I like hearing you say Boyfriend,” Kurt smiled. 

“I like it too,” Seb agreed. “Now eat up my darling man,” he gestured to Kurt’s abomination of a pizza. “We need to be there when Burt wakes up.”

“He’s sedated. We have time,” Kurt, none the less turned his attention to his food. He hadn’t eaten since breakfast and that seemed like a life time ago. “Does Jeffie still have a key to your place?”

“Jeff is dead to me,” Sebastian scowled heavily. “That bitch knows how I feel about you. What the fuck was he thinking propositioning you like that?”

“I really need my phone charger and we both need comfortable clothes,” Kurt replied sensibly. “There isn’t anyway you and I are going to be able to curl up together comfortably in that recliner in Dad’s room in jeans Seb.”

“I won’t mind if you just take those jeans off,” Seb flirted.

“These jeans are tight,” Kurt narrowed his eyes. “Underwear does not fit beneath these jeans and while I’m sure you might be okay with that, dad and the staff here would not be. I need a change of clothes babe.”

Sebastian swallowed hard. He breathed deeply, his eyes darkening. “No underwear?” He whispered.

“None,” Kurt smirked, resting his hand on Seb’s thigh. He loved that he could still so easily get under Sebastian’s skin. 

“Ugh” Seb groaned nudging Kurt’s hand a little higher. “You’re killing me.”

Kurt pulled away chuckling. “Gotta always leave ‘em wanting more.”

Seb scoffed. “Shoot me a text with what you need and I’ll dash home and get it,” he offered kindly, eyeing Kurt hungrily as he continued to eat.

“I would rather you stayed here with me,” Kurt pleaded with his eyes. 

Seb melted under Kurt’s soft gaze, rolling his own eyes in defeat. “So charger and sweat pants?” He took out his phone to call Jeff. 

“And my green toiletry bag, fluffy socks and your Dalton hoodie.”

“My dalton hoodie?” Seb grinned. He loved that Kurt found comfort in wearing his clothes. 

“You know I love that old thing,” Kurt grinned back. 

“You do look adorable in it,” Seb admitted. 

“Naww,” Kurt blushed a little, focussing his attention on his food. “Oh and I need underwear.”

“I’m not having Jeff poke around in your underwear,” Seb protested protectively.

“I need underwear Seb,” Kurt spoke more firmly. “Jeff seeing my boxer briefs is way better than dad and his doctor seeing my dick.”

Seb sighed. While Kurt finished off his third slice of pizza and started a forth, he called Jeff. Jeff was as friendly as always and he and Nick were more than happy to go to Sebastian’s apartment and pick up everything Kurt and Seb needed at the hospital and also check on Kawhi. Keeping it brief, Seb explained to them where to find everything then ended the call politely. He wasn’t in the mood to make small talk with Jeff after what Kurt had told him out on the street. 

“They’ll be about an hour,” Seb put his phone back in his pocket and returned to eating. He was a slice behind Kurt but almost full. He glanced across the room, noticing the small fridge beside the sink for the first time. He assumed it would be safe for them to leave their leftovers there to come back to later.

“Will your doggo be okay home alone tonight?” Kurt had heard Seb mention his pet to Jeff.

“I haven’t left him all night before,” Seb grimaced. “They’re going to make sure he has food and water and that his doggy door is unlocked so he go out into the balcony if he needs the bathroom. He should be fine.”

“I’m sorry I’m turning your life upside down,” Kurt closed his pizza box looking regretful.

“Without you I didn’t have a life,” Seb got to his feet. “Do you think it’s okay if he leave the left overs in the fridge?”

“I think so,” Kurt stood too. He placed Seb’s box on top of his and carried them to the fridge. Aside from milk and a bottle of ketchup the fridge was empty. He placed the pizzas inside and closed the door.

When he turned Sebastian was in his space. His arms were soon around Kurt pulling him close. They stood together, embracing each other. “Before we step out there,” Seb pressed his nose tenderly against Kurt’s, “I want my boyfriend to know that whatever happens I love him and I’ve got his back.” His lips brushed Kurt’s softly. 

Kurt smiled against Seb’s mouth. His hands squeezed Seb’s ass and he moaned softly as he deepened the kiss, chasing Seb’s tongue with his own. 

“Gotta stop,” Seb panted, his hand pressing into Kurt’s chest as his hips involuntarily rocked into Kurt’s. 

“I know,” Kurt whined, grinding his budding erection into Seb’s. He trailed tiny kisses along Seb’s jaw line to his ear, taking Seb’s lobe between his teeth and nipping playfully. 

Seb whimpered with arousal, his eyes dropping closed as pleasure radiated through his body. If he were anywhere else but the hospital, with his might be future father in law unconscious in the ICU he’d be begging Kurt to take him right now. As things stood he still desperately wanted to but somehow resisted, stepping back. He eyed Kurt lustfully yet regretfully as he adjusted himself in his jeans. 

Kurt merely groaned in disappointment. “I love how your body still responds to me,” he smirked. “Soooooo sexy.” He wanted Sebastian bad too. 

“I’ve had sex once in 3 months,” Sebastian scrunched his face in desperation. “Right now my body would respond to a hollow Twinkie.”

“That’s flattering,” Kurt shoved him playfully. “Remind me again why I proposed to you.”

“Because you think I’m adorable and witty and you love my massive cock,” Seb offered. 

Kurt didn’t deny any of it. He did find Seb adorable and witty, also supportive and loving and he did love his massive cock. He wasn’t about to tell him that though. The ex warbler had a huge enough ego already. 

“We should go sit with dad,” Kurt replied instead. He took Seb’s hand and lead him from the room, turning off the light and closing the door behind them.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Jeff settles into the dog house, Kurt and Seb snuggled by Burt’s bedside consider their future together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a lot of cute and a little angst.  
> A little back story.
> 
> Warning for a teeny bit of Seblaine. I’m sorry. It quite honestly turns my stomach. I promise to never mention it again.

Kurt was sound asleep curled up in the recliner by Burt’s bed when Jeff and Nick arrived at the hospital. Sebastian reluctantly untangled himself from the warmth of his boyfriend’s embrace to meet his friends out in the hall. 

“Hey,” Nick smiled sympathetically, gazing at Burt through the glass. He greeted Seb with a hug patting him supportively on the back. “He looks pretty bad huh? How’s Kurt holding up?”

“Kurt’s exhausted, stressed, bitchy,” Seb smiled weakly, briefly embracing his friend, “and he’s absolute perfection.”

“We managed to find everything you asked for,” Jeff chipped in. He offered Seb a backpack obviously filled with the clothes and other items they’d requested. “How are you?” He checked with concern.

“As if you give a flying fuck how I am,” Sebastian sneered through gritted teeth snatching the back pack aggressively from the blonde. 

“Woah,” Nick stepped forward in Jeff’s defence as Jeff stared in shock at Seb. “That’s uncalled for Seb. You don’t get to speak to my husband like that. Jeff was there for you every day when Kurt was gone. He’s been a good friend to you.”

“A good friend?” Sebastian scoffed. Aware of his environment he fought to remain calm. “Has he? Have you Jeff? Have you been a good friend?”

“I’ve definitely tried to be,” Jeff replied cautiously. He could see Sebastian was upset but wasn’t quite sure why. He could tell from the seething expression on Sebastian’s face that Seb was about to tell him. He took a step backwards towards Nick.

“You knew I bought a ring for Kurt. You knew I was beyond heartbroken when he left me and that still now I’m desperately in love with him,” Seb ranted under his breath.

“It wasn’t Jeff’s fault Kurt left you,” Nick looked at Sebastian appalled. 

“No, it wasn’t,” Sebastian admitted. “That was Kurt’s misguided way of showing his love for me, of trying to shield me from the pain he was experiencing. It was however Jeff’s fault that Kurt walked away after breakfast this morning with their waiter’s phone number.”

“Oh is that was this is about?” Jeff chuckled. “That guy was a total douche. Kurt was so not interested. I only took the number as a joke.”

“I suppose inviting Kurt to have a threesome with the two of you was a joke as well,” Sebastian glared at Jeff.

“You did what now?” Nick turned to Jeff frowning.

“You didn’t know?” Sebastian looked directly at Nick. “Your husband propositioned my boyfriend for a threesome with you both.”

“It wasn’t like that,” Jeff grimaced defensively.

“Umm exactly how was it?” Nick was as pissed as Sebastian. “Because it’s been a long time since you and I have discussed bringing a third person into our bed and I can tell you now straight up I would never have agreed to Kurt.”

“They weren’t together...” Jeff began lamely. 

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” Nick snapped furiously at Jeff. “You spoke to them both everyday. You knew they were still crazy in love with each other. You knew the second Kurt stepped foot back in New York that he and Seb would be back together. Why would you put Kurt in that position? And when did plan to tell me about it?”

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Jeff rolled his eyes. “You two are over reacting. Kurt called me a few weeks back. He was having a particularly rough day. Some homophobe had had a go at Kurt at the garage, Mr H wasn’t doing well and he was feeling isolated and miserable.”

“And your solution was a threesome?” Sebastian asked sarcastically. “Sure, why not?”

“He was spiralling,” Jeff tried to explain. “He said he felt ugly and undesirable like no man would ever want him again, that he was sure that he’d be alone forever.”

“I want him,” Sebastian was close to tears. “I love him Jeff. You could have just told him that.”

“He was trying to get over you,” Jeff shook his head.

“I’ve heard enough,” Nick stepped back in disgust. He turned to Sebastian clearly upset. “Is it okay with you if I crash at your place tonight?”

“You don’t have to do that,” Jeff looked horrified.

“I can’t look at you right now,” Nick looked beyond Jeff, his eyes full of disappointment. “I’m not sure you’re the man I thought you were. My Jeffie would never betray his best friend like that and he would never go behind my back and hit on other men.”

“Take the guest room. Kurt and I won’t be home tonight,” Seb sympathised with Nick. 

“Thanks,” Nick stepped widely around Jeff to hug Sebastian. “I’m so glad you and Kurt are working things out. I took a peek at the ring you left sitting on the table back at your place. It’s beautiful. I know there’s a lot going on with Mr. H and in your heart and your head Seb but you and Kurt are meant to be. Say yes to him. Let yourself be happy. You deserve that.”

Seb smiled gratefully. He nodded as he looked through the window in at Kurt’s precious sleeping form. “He’s my world,” he confirmed, “the love of my life, all I’ve ever wanted.”

“Then don’t make him sweat,” Nick advised. “He’s already going through so much. Marry him Seb before my horny husband gets his claws into him. You know you want to.”

“I was trying to build his self esteem, not steal him,” Jeff lamely defended himself. “Nothing happened. It was never on for real.”

“I don’t think that’s the point,” Nick’s glare returned. “You offered yourself... and me to another guy and you betrayed Sebastian who is supposed to be our best friend in the process. What gives you that right?”

Jeff sighed. “You’re blowing this out of proportion.

“I don’t think I am,” Nick shook his head. “And I can’t deal with you right now.” He returned his focus to Sebastian. “Give Mr H my love when he wakes up.”

“I will,” Seb assured him. “Call me if you need to talk yeah?”

“Are you seriously not coming home with me?” Jeff looked perplexed as he sort clarity.

“I’m not,” Nick confirmed. He gave Burt one final glance, waved subtly at Seb and headed for the elevator.

“You should go too,” Seb told Jeff sternly. “I’m not sure I even know you.”

“You weren’t together,” Jeff sighed, as Nick disappeared into the lift. He knew his defence was lame. He knew he’d hurt Nick and Sebastian. It was just that Kurt was hot. Jeff liked him and he knew he would never get the chance again. He’d had to take his shot.

“I think you and Nick are heading in that direction too,” Seb pointed out cruelly. “Maybe when Kurt and I get home in the morning we could... you know, entertain your husband. I’m sure that would be okay with you since you’re not together.”

“Look,” Jeff definitely wasn’t happy with that proposal. “I’m sorry, okay? What I did was dumb. It was reckless and selfish but really it was never going to happen.”

“Just go,” Seb stepped away heading back to Burt’s room. “And stay away from Kurt. Just to be clear we are back together. He’s mine Jeff.

“Sure,” Jeff nodded. “I am sorry.”

“You’re only sorry that Nick and I found out,” Seb rolled his eyes. “Did you really think Kurt wouldn’t tell me? He tells me everything.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” Jeff retorted savagely before retreating. 

Seb had no chance to determine what Jeff meant by that comment before he was gone. He sighed, watching Kurt through the glass as he slept. He lowered the back pack he’d forgotten he was holding to the grey linoleum floor then sank down beside it, his back resting against the discoloured wall. He closed his weary eyes and focussed intently on his breathing. In and out. In and out. At least with Nick staying at his apartment tonight he didn’t need to worry about Kawhi. That was a relief. He could focus on Burt and Kurt and trying not to stew over whatever Kurt might not have told him.

Seb couldn’t help wondering what that might be. Had Kurt been with another man? He said he hadn’t. Maybe he’d kissed one or flirted in person or online, maybe even just been attracted to someone else. Had he and Jeff crossed a line? Maybe it was nothing like that. Whatever it was now wasn’t the time for Sebastian to raise it with Kurt. 

Right now Seb’s role was wholly and solely to be there for Kurt, to love him, to hold him, to support him, to ease his pain and stress, to put up with Kurt’s mood swings, his attacks and bitterness. Seb had to prove to Kurt that he was up to the task of being his man. He had to prove to Kurt that he’d been wrong to break up with him so he would never break up with him again. Whatever it took to keep Kurt Seb was willing to do it perhaps even marriage if it came to that.

It wasn’t as if Seb was opposed to marriage. It wasn’t even as if Seb was opposed to marrying Kurt. He adored Kurt. He loved him with his whole entire heart. He envisaged undoubtedly spending the remainder of his life with Kurt. The issue was trust. Sebastian felt that Kurt pushing him away signalled a lack of trust in him and his abilities to love Kurt unconditionally. He understood that Kurt had been trying to shield him from the consequences of his pain, from his outbursts like the one on the street earlier today. What Kurt didn’t realise however was that Seb was up for it, that he loved Kurt enough to take it. He knew that Kurt was worth it, that the many moments of joy and love he and Kurt shared more than made up for it. He needed to make Kurt trust that, just as he needed to rebuild his trust in Kurt. Only then could they get married.

For now Seb intended to put his whole being into being a dutiful boyfriend. He would return to Burt’s room, put both his and Kurt’s phone on to charge, change into the more cosy clothes and that Nick and his traitorous husband had brought in and nestle back into Kurt’s arms. He would love Kurt, no matter his mood, bring him coffee, fetch his meals, wipe his tears, whatever was required until they were strong again because when all was said and done Kurt was his and he was worth that.

Seb dragged himself up from the floor, back pack in hand. He glanced at Burt’s monitors as he reentered the room. His oxygen levels were at 98 per cent and his heart rate looked even. That had to be good news. Seb sat the back pack on the table and opened it. He found everything they’d asked for plus some snacks and the book from Seb’s bedside that he was obviously half way through. Seb mused at the thoughtfulness of his friends as he took out the phone chargers. He was still furious at Jeff though.

He moved around the room quietly putting his phone onto charge in the far corner of the small room. He glanced around the room spotting Kurt’s sitting on the recliner’s arm rest. Without disturbing him he took it and put it onto charge too, resisting the sudden urge to peek through it for clues of what secrets Jeff implied Kurt might be keeping. He had never violated Kurt’s trust like that before and he wasn’t about to start now.

Taking the backpack with him he then snuck into Burt’s adjoining bathroom to change, taking the liberty of borrowing Kurt’s toiletries for a quick shower. He dried himself barely with a thin, rough hospital towel before dressing and rejoining Kurt and Burt. 

Burt stirred as Seb entered the room, raising his hand slightly. “Carole?” he whispered, his voice weak and hoarse.

Seb approached him quickly, taking the offered hand. “It’s Sebastian sir,” he smiled at the beloved older man. “You hold tight. We’ll call a nurse.”

Burt smiled weakly, his breathing regular but laboured. He squeezed Seb’s hand but his eyes dropped closed as Seb pressed the call button for the nurse. 

“What’s going on?” Kurt startled awake as the nurse rushed into room. 

“He’s awake,” Sebastian addressed the nurse and Kurt simultaneously.

Kurt clambered clumsily from the recliner and Seb stepped back out of the way holding him against his side as the nurse checked Burt’s vitals, his monitors and adjusted his IV. “You’ve been through quite an ordeal Mr Hummel,” she spoke kindly to Burt.

Burt tried to respond but she silenced him politely, squeezing his shoulder fondly and telling him to rest. He gave her a weak smile then met eyes sadly with Kurt before dropping off to sleep again.

“Is he okay?” Kurt clung to Sebastian as he checked anxiously with the nurse.

“As good as can be expected,” the nurse smiled encouragingly. “His body has endured a lot. Right now he just needs to rest. You should too. I’ll be back in an hour to check but you can buzz again if you need to.”

“Thank you,” Kurt forced half a smile as she exited the room. “You’ve changed your clothes,” he looking accusingly at Sebastian. “Did I miss Jeff and Nick?”

“You needed the sleep,” Seb brushed Kurt’s hair back out of his tired eyes tenderly. “There’s a change of clothes in the back pack for you. I hope you don’t mind I borrowed your shower gel to take a shower. I’ll sit with Burt for a bit if you want one. The water pressure is surprisingly good.”

“I had a shower before we left home,” Kurt reminded Seb. Seb quietly loved hearing Kurt call their apartment home again. “I definitely want to change though. Is your hoodie in there?”

“It is,” Seb confirmed with a grin.

“Good,” Kurt crossed the tiny space to the bag and checked inside. “Ohh sour patch kids,” his eyes sparkled like a toddler. “Jeffie knows they’re my favourite. How were they anyway? How’s Nick? I haven’t had a chance to catch up with him yet.”

“He’s staying at our place tonight so I guess you’ll see him in the morning,” Seb replied emotionlessly.

“To watch your doggo?” Kurt smiled softly. “That’s sweet of him. What about Jeffie?”

“They’re kinda going through something,” Seb muttered evasively, he nestled down in the recliner and raised the footrest comfortably.

“Really?” Kurt looked concerned. “Jeff didn’t say anything about that earlier. Maybe I should call him. Make sure he’s okay. Where’s my phone?” Kurt gazed around the room.

“I’m charging it for you,” Seb gestured towards the outlet in the corner of the room. “But I’d just leave Jeff be if I were you.”

“Thank you,” Kurt sounded grateful. “But why?”

“I asked Jeff about that generous offer he made you,” Sebastian spoke cynically but discreetly in case Burt might overhear. “Were you aware Nick knew nothing about it? He’s kinda pissed.”

“Ugh,” Kurt groaned. “Why would you do that? I told you I never considered it.”

“So not the point,” Seb frowned. “He’s married and my best friend. He should never have asked you when he knew how I felt about you.”

“You don’t own me Sebastian,” Kurt frowned back. “I know you tried to earlier today on our sofa but the fact is you don’t.”

“I don’t think I own you,” Sebastian’s voice rose in pitch. So much for being the cooperative diligent boyfriend. He was already failing. “But a little fidelity isn’t too much to ask for.”

“We were broken up,” Kurt reminded him.

“There is such a thing as a bro code,” Sebastian was surprised by Kurt’s attitude. “How would you have felt if I told you Elliott propositioned me or that Blaine had invited me out?”

“Did Blaine ask you out?” Kurt looked extremely put out.

“Not since high school,” Sebastian looked at Kurt knowingly. “But see, you didn’t like it when you thought he did.”

“Because you used to like him,” Kurt weakly defended himself.

“I liked him?” Seb narrowed his eyes. “I liked getting a rise out of you by flirting with him. You’re the one who married him. It doesn’t matter. We are getting off track here. The point is Jeff crossed the line.”

“Nothing happened,” Kurt rolled his eyes. “We weren’t even in the same state.”

“Did you ever sext with him?” Seb asked cautiously, checking to ensure Burt was still sleeping.

“Sure,” Kurt responded sarcastically. “all the time.” He took the clothes he wanted from the back pack and retreated into the bathroom. “You can’t be serious,” he muttered before closing the door.

He changed quickly. Seb had opened a bag of funyuns and was watching the tv news on silent when Kurt reappeared. “There was a bad accident on the bridge today,” Seb barely looked up. “Three killed.”

“That’s awful, Kurt grimaced, placing his folded jeans and shirt from earlier into the back pack and moving it off to the side of the room. “What happened?”

“A lorry,” Seb shrugged. “Look I’m sorry I asked you that just before. It was stupid.”

“It was stupid,” Kurt agreed. “You should know better. I’ve only ever done that twice in my life.”

“Twice?” Seb narrowed his eyes. He knew Kurt had sexted with him many times. He had a whole file on his phone with pics of Kurt’s gorgeous dick but who was the other guy?

“There was this boy in high school,” Kurt replied shyly. “I met him at that music store, Between the Sheets, when Blaine and I were going through a rough patch.”

“You never mentioned that before,” Seb looked amused. He’d been worried it was a more recent thing.

“He was kinda adorable,” Kurt smiled. “In an enthusiastic, over cheerful kinda way. He was very flirty and really romantic. He made me laugh, made me feel good.”

“I bet he did,” Seb grinned. “Did he get you all hot and bothered like I do?” Seb had to know.

“It was much more innocent than that,” Kurt shook his head. “Blaine didn’t see it that way though, which was a bit hypocritical considering he was messenging you all the time.”

“Hmm,” Sebastian broke eye contact suddenly finding his funyuns particularly interesting. He and Kurt had of course had the obligatory conversation about past relationships but they never really talked much about Blaine. They both knew what had gone on there. They’d been no need to rehash it. It was a sore spot for Kurt. 

“I knew he was lying when he said it was family friendly,” Kurt looked beyond disgusted. “I hate him so much.”

“If it’s any consolation,” Seb sounded ashamed. “I never sent pics and it only happened twice. Honestly it was so lame I had to fake it.”

“No you didn’t,” Kurt shook his head. Although he was wasn’t thrilled to have confirmation that Blaine and Sebastian had gone there it was too long ago now for him to be upset. High school felt like a whole other life time. He and Seb weren’t the same people they’d been back then and what they had now was real and true. “Thank you for saying that though.”

Seb put his funyuns aside and reached his arms out to Kurt. “Come here Boyfriend,” he smiled warmly at his love. “You look adorable in my hoodie. I need to hold you.”

“I need you to hold me,” Kurt agreed, awkwardly joining Seb in the outfolded recliner. It was no where near big enough for the two grown men but wrapped around each other cozily they made it work. 

“I’ve spent so many nights over the past few months just fantasising about cuddling with you,” Sebastian whispered into Kurt’s hair. “Nothing is as good as the reality though.”

“I’m sure that’s exactly what you were fantasising about,” Kurt smirked. “I’m sorry though. I shouldn’t have put us through that,” Kurt acknowledged, reaching around Seb for the tv remote, without asking he turned it off. “I’m sorry I pushed you away. It was idiotic because it was probably the one time I needed you most.”

“The time you needed me most was when you fell down the stairs in those heels two Halloween’s ago and fractured your ankle,” Seb reminded Kurt. 

“Oh geeze,” Kurt hid his face in Seb’s chest blushing a little. “That was horrendous. I was such an awful patient. You should have run for your life.”

“How could I?” Seb rose an enquiring eyebrow then kissed the top of Kurt’s head. “I was blindly in love with you. I still am and truthfully you were no worse than me when I got my wisdom teeth out.”

“You were in a lot of pain,” Kurt recalled sympathetically. “I didn’t mind that you were a little grumpy.”

“Have I told you how good it is to have you back?” Seb smiled. He snuggled Kurt a little closer, kissing him sweetly. 

Kurt cupped Seb’s jaw, stroking his cheek lovingly with his thumb, “You taste like funyuns,” he grinned, looking deep into Seb’s eyes. “Do you think Dad is going to okay?” He sort Seb’s reassurance.

“Of course he will,” Seb spoke with a confidence he wasn’t feeling.

“I need him to walk me down the aisle at our wedding,” Kurt rested his forehead against Seb’s. They shared tiny kisses. “I’m thinking a destination wedding would be amazing, the Caribbean maybe or one of those South Pacific islands near New Zealand.”

“I’m thinking that would cost a fortune and that it’s going to be a long time before your dad might be able to travel that kind of distance,” Seb replied sensibly.

“We do have money saved,” Kurt reminded his partner.

“Well yeah,” Seb nodded. They’d split their savings when they’d separated. Seb’s had diminished slightly however. He’d had to dip into them. Paying rent alone on a Manhattan apartment hadn’t been cheap. “But we planned to use those for a downpayment on an apartment.”

“You’re right,” Kurt nodded. “I just want you to have the perfect wedding.”

“My perfect wedding would be any one where I marry you,” Seb replied cheesily. “Something pretty but small and intimate, casual, barefoot on a beach perhaps, or by a lake, maybe in a quiet garden. You, me, our parents, my annoying little sister and our closest friends, followed by some champagne, finger foods and dancing.”

“So you’re saying yes?” Kurt asked hopefully.

“I’m saying I’m thinking about,” Seb replied firmly.

“And that’s the wedding you’d want?” Kurt asked sceptically. “Would your parents be okay with that? Wouldn’t they be expecting to invite all the elite of New York?”

“I’m gay Kurt, the black stain on the Smythe family name. I think they’d be fine if even they weren’t invited,” Seb scrunched his face. 

“You’re not a second class citizen,” Kurt looked empathetically at his love. 

“I know,” Sebastian agreed. “And I know they love me. It’s just they’d love me more if I loved women.”

“It shouldn’t matter,” Kurt reminded him.

“It mattered to Grandpa Smythe when he donated my inheritance to those nut jobs fighting to lift New York City’s gay conversion therapy ban,” Sebastian sighed unable to hide the hurt. “Just imagine the apartment we could have bought with that money.”

“We don’t need his money,” Kurt yawned as he kissed Seb’s forehead. “We’ll be fine on our own Honey. You and I and our little loft apartment.”

“We will,” Sebastian agreed. He smiled softly as he leaned in kissing Kurt. It was soft and slow and deep and as their tongues met it took Kurt’s breath away. Kurt was so in love with this man. He couldn’t believe he’d been crazy enough to walk away from him. 

“What are we going to do when I have to return to Ohio next week?” Kurt whispered breathlessly, against Seb’s lips. 

“Didn’t we talk about that?” Seb frowned a little. He was trying to pretend Kurt was staying forever. “Zoom, phone calls, frequent visits.”

“What if you meet someone else?” Kurt sounded terrified.

“There is no one else Hummel,” Sebastian assured him. “Not for me. You’re the one. What if you meet someone else?”

“In Ohio?” Kurt narrowed his eyes.

“In case you’ve forgotten you met your ex husband in Ohio. Actually Babe you met me in Ohio too,” Seb reminded him, suddenly sounding slightly concerned. “When you go back please don’t meet someone else.”

“I love you Seb,” Kurt pecked his lips. “With taking care of dad and his shop, I barely had time out there to do anything least of all date. We are going to be okay.”

“I love you too,” Seb nuzzled his nose into Kurt’s shoulder. “I’m really tired,” he sighed.

Kurt ran a hand through Seb’s hair. “We should probably try to sleep,” he suggested. “It’s going to be a long night with the nurse coming in and out to check on dad.”

“He seems to be okay,” Seb gripped the strings of Kurt’s hoodie twisting them around his fingers as he looked past Kurt to Burt’s monitors. “I’m a lawyer, not a doctor though.”

“You’re heaven, that’s what you are,” Kurt eyed Seb lovingly. “Kiss me good night baby. Like you mean it.”

“Ugh,” Seb groaned. He pulled the hoodie strings tighter, drawing Kurt towards him. “Your Dad is right there,” he protested.

“My dad loves you,” Kurt licked his dry lips. “He’s seen us kiss a gazillion times and besides he’s sleeping.”

“You’ve made me all self conscious,” Seb pouted hiding his face in Kurt’s neck.

Kurt giggled quietly. “You’re so damn adorable.” He gripped Seb’s chin and tilted his chin gently to look at him. Seb pulled the strings tighter as their lips met. 

“You’re choking me,” Kurt grasped Seb’s fist. 

“Shit,” Seb released his grip. “Sorry though usually you’re into it.”

“Not so much like that,” Kurt shook his head. His voice dropped to a whisper against Seb’s ear. “It’s super hot when you’re deep inside me and we’re both on the edge.”

“Mmmm,” Seb dug his teeth into his bottom lip. “Think I’m pretty close to the edge right now.” 

Kurt grinned wide. He pecked Seb’s nose. “Good night Sebastian,” he muttered, closing his eyes.

“Tease,” Sebastian scrunched his face. “Goodnight my darling,” he sighed. He snuggled down into Kurt and let his tired eyes close. He soon dozed off to the regular sound of Burt’s monitors and Kurt’s steady breathing. Kurt laid awake slightly longer savouring the joy of having Seb back in his arms. He had no intention of ever letting him go again.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian freaks out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t hate me.
> 
> Warning for mention of homophobically motivated assault.

Sebastian had slept surprisingly soundly almost completely undisturbed by the hourly checks on Burt. He woke just before dawn squashed under the dense weight of Kurt’s body. He should have felt good, warm and comforted but instead he felt clammy, smothered, claustrophobic and incredibly anxious. His stomach was in knots and ants were somersaulting under his skin. He was finding it hard to breathe. He needed to get out. He needed to put distance between himself and Kurt. 

He shifted carefully, untangling himself from Kurt and went to pee. When he was done he quickly dressed and put on his shoes, grabbed his phone and wallet and without even a glance at Kurt dashed out of the room.

It was barely light as he stepped out onto the pavement. The streets were mostly empty. The open space and the cool air on his skin brought some relief but his stomach still churned with nausea. He couldn’t fathom why Kurt’s presence would have triggered this response in him. He did love him but he’d had been gone for so long and now suddenly he was everywhere. It was a lot. It was too much, way way too much.

Seb knew exactly what he needed. He headed for the park. It was full of joggers this time of morning. He knew that because lately, after reading online that exercise might lift his mood he’d been joining them a few times a week. He had to admit that it did help to get his endorphins pumping or maybe that was just the new friend he’d made in the process. His friend’s name was Mark. Mark was tall, dark haired, brown eyed, incredibly handsome and incredibly gay. He was an accountant if Sebastian recalled correctly, always friendly, always flirty. He made Seb feel good, feel relaxed and anxiety free. 

Sebastian and Mark had met the second time Seb had come jogging at the park and although they never made plans to jog or spend time together if they were both in the park at the same time they would run side by side and flirt a little. Seb enjoyed the company. Kawhi was great and all but he’d been lonely without Kurt. Mark eased the loneliness. 

Mark thankfully was at the park this morning. Seb spotted him instantly. He was dressed in an adorable rainbow hoodie and jogging shorts. Seb tried not to notice his toned muscular legs as he caught up with him, greeted him with a smile and fell into step beside him.

“Rough night sweetie?” Mark asked with concern as Seb joined him.

Seb narrowed his eyes questioningly. He had spent the night in a hospital recliner but did he really look that bad? 

“You’re usually flawless,” Mark pointed out, a little flirt in his tone, “like you’ve just stepped out of a magazine spread or something...but today my pretty friend not so much. Don’t tell me this is a detour on a walk of shame? Who was the lucky guy?  
I’m horribly jealous of him.”

“I spent the night at the hospital,” Seb explained blandly. “I have a friend staying from home and his dad had surgery. I hung out to keep him company.”

“Aww that’s sweet of you,” Mark smiled his approval, slowing down a little to catch his breath. “Hot, smart and an all round good person. You’re really the complete package.”

Sebastian rolled his eyes. He smirked enjoying the stroke to his ego that flirting with Mark gave him. “And what exactly are your flaws?” He asked, looking Mark up and down. “Because I’m not seeing any.”

“I have plenty,” Mark chuckled. “Like I haven’t asked you out on a date yet. That seems like something about me that I need to change.”

Race you to that tree,” Seb challenged evasively with a chuckle. He pointed off into the distance as alarm bells went off inside his head.

“You’re on,” Mark laughed along. “Loser buys coffee.”

“Sure,” Sebastian nodded, before quickly dashing off ahead.

“Hey I wasn’t ready,” Mark protested, laughing as he sprinted after him along the path.

Seb made it to the tree just moments before Mark. They both stopped bent over gasping for breath. “I’m so unfit,” Mark grimaced. “I need to get my lazy ass back to the gym.”

“I’ve never really been a gym junkie,” Seb panted. “I play lacrosse. I’ve been kicking ass this year.”

“I was into field hockey but I haven’t played in years,” Mark shrugged. “Where are your games at? I should come take a look.”

Sebastian wanted to invite Mark along but this week Kurt would be there and for some reason which Seb wasn’t quite sure of he hadn’t exactly told his jogging buddy about Kurt. He hadn’t told Kurt about Mark either. Kurt didn’t need to know, he reasoned. Sure there was some attraction there between him and Mark but right now they were just friends and it would only make Kurt insecure to know about him. Kurt was already dealing with enough.

“We play at NYU on Monday nights,” Seb told his friend. “No game tomorrow though,” he lied hoping to keep Kurt and Mark from crossing paths at least for now.

“That’s a pity,” Mark grimaced. “Maybe next week then because I wouldn’t mind coming to see your hot ass kick some ass.”

“You won’t be disappointed,” Seb promised with a flirty grin, feeling a little guilty. He was not exactly sure why. Whether it was about deceiving Kurt or about fibbing to Mark. “I do believe you owe me coffee Mister.

Grinning stupidly and obviously smitten, Mark shook his head. “I’m not taking you out looking like that. If we’re going for coffee I want the super model Sebastian I’m accustomed to,” he winked then checked his watch. “I’m kidding. I really need to head home and shower. I’m meeting my mother for breakfast. Rain check?”

“Sure,” Seb agreed with a smile. “I’ll look forward to it.”

“See you next time,” Mark offered a wave as he jogged away. Seb appreciatively watched him leave then turned back the way he’d come and jogged a few more laps trying to clear his head. He thought about Jeff, about his claim that Kurt was hiding something, he thought about Kurt and about how for weeks he’d dreamed about waking up in his arms but then how this morning all he’d wanted to do was escape him. He had no idea where that feeling had come from and it unnerved him. He thought about Burt, hoping desperately that he would be okay and he thought about Nick, wondering how he planned to deal with the bomb Sebastian had unkindly dropped on him last night and amongst all that he tried his best not to think about Mark or to imagine that delicious man in the shower. 

Seb left the park and found himself heading for home. He let himself in quietly but Kawhi gave him away, running at him excitedly and barking. Seb settled him quickly, taking a seat on the sofa and letting Kawhi snuggle with him. He sighed and dragged his hands frustratedly through his hair then sunk back into the cushion. He glanced around the room looking everywhere except at the ring box which sat on the table. His stomach was once again in knots and bubbling with dread. 

He was patting Kawhi when Nick sauntered out in his underwear, sleepy eyed, his hair sticking up in every direction. “Thought you were at the hospital,” he yawned scratching his balls. 

“You wanna fuck?” Sebastian asked bluntly. 

“Na,” Nick replied casually as if Seb had just offered him an orange juice. “I’m good.”

“I don’t think I want to be with Kurt anymore,” Seb declared emotionally. “I don’t think I trust him.”

“Say what now?” Nick looked at Sebastian with horrified wide eyes. “No! No no no! Just fucking no Sebastian Smythe! No fucking way! You can’t be serious. You have spent months here moping and depressed, pining for that man. You can not tell me now that’s he’s back and offering you marriage that you don’t want him anymore.”

“Jeff said last night that he’s keeping something from me,” Sebastian grimaced. “Do you have any idea what that might be?”

“The two of you didn’t speak for four months. There’s probably quite a few things that you’re yet to share with each other,” Nick reasoned.

“Was he seeing anyone back in Ohio?” Seb checked. Kurt had already said he wasn’t but Seb needed confirmation.

“I don’t think so,” Nick shook his head. “I wouldn’t put too much weight on anything Jeff said last night by the way. He was being a total asshole.”

“I don’t know,” Seb shrugged. He felt so confused.

“You know Kurt,” Nick reminded Sebastian. “You know he’s honest and that you love him. You said he was your world, everything you ever wanted.”

“He was,” Sebastian sighed. “Ugh! He’s beautiful, he really is and I love him. I really do and still after everything I’m so attracted to him. We had sex yesterday.”

“You did?” Nick smiled. That had to be a good sign. “How was it?”

“The worst,” Sebastian looked down at the floor. “The absolute worst. I fucked it up. I fucked him. I’ve never fucked him before.”

“You’ve never topped? In four years?” Nick misunderstood what Sebastian meant. 

“Of course I have,” Seb rolled his eyes. “I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about intimacy. When I’m with Kurt it’s always intimate, lots of touching, kissing, eye contact, lots of loving words. Yesterday it wasn’t like that. I treated him like a hook up, even worse than that. I closed my eyes and willed him to be anyone else. I didn’t even give him the chance to finish.”

“Ouch,” Nick cringed. He sat down on a chair near Sebastian. “That’s ugly. What happened?”

“I was so angry at him,” Sebastian muttered. “He broke my heart and thought he could just march back in here and everything would be fine. Everything wasn’t fine. I’m hurting Nicky and I wanted him to hurt too.”

“You need to let it go,” Nick advised. “You love him Sebastian. He bought you that gorgeous ring. He wants you to be his husband.”

“Are you going to let what happened with Jeff last night go?” Sebastian thought Nick was being a bit hypocritical.

“Of course I am,” Nick nodded. “I hate what Jeffie did. It really hurt my feelings but at the end of the day I love him and it’s not like anything happened.”

“I don’t know how you’re so forgiving,” Sebastian sounded frustrated. 

“I know what I want,” Nick shrugged. “And since I was 12 years old and discovered boys all I’ve wanted is Jeff. He’s not perfect but he’s pretty damn close and he makes me happy. I can’t imagine my life without him.”

“See that’s the difference,” Sebastian sounded sad. “I’ve been living live without Kurt for four months and you say he’s back but really Nicky he isn’t. This time next week he’ll be gone and I’ll be alone again. The only difference will be that this time around he might call me.”

“His Dad is not well Seb. It’s his dad. Burt and Kurt are so close Sebastian. We both know that. He’s doing his best to help him through. He’s not out clubbing and drugging and cheating. He’s being a good son, admittedly right now that is making him a shitty boyfriend but it doesn’t mean the love between you stops. That man adores you Sebastian and I know you adore him too.”

“I met someone,” Sebastian blurted. “I didn’t realise until this morning after spending last night with Kurt and feeling the difference, that I think I might actually like this guy.”

Nick frowned. “I don’t know what to say about that. When? How?”

Sebastian explained to his friend about Mark, their jogs in the park and the flirting, making sure Nick knew that nothing had happened between them yet.

Nick stared at him blankly. “Do you mind if I take a shower before I go home to my husband, oh and by the way don’t ever ask me if I want to fuck you again.”

“Be my guest,” Seb gestured in the direction of the bathroom. “I’m going to put on a pot of coffee if you’d like one before you go.”

“Did you hear me?” Nick asked sternly getting to his feet.

“Don’t ask to fuck you again,” Sebastian nodded.

“Right,” Nick stared Sebastian down before turning and heading for the bathroom. “And stop being a dick. Put on that fucking ring and go to hospital and tell that gorgeous creature that loves you that you’ll marry him or I’m going to let Jeff fuck him just to spite you.”

“You wouldn’t,” Sebastian glared defiantly.

“Try me,” Nick challenged. 

“I’m not ready,” Sebastian protested.

Nick paused in the doorway. “Then get yourself fucking ready and while you’re at it find yourself a new jogging park. If I hear that you’ve so much as looked at that other guy again I’ll squeeze your balls so hard they’ll fucking pop. I’m not kidding.”

Sebastian scowled at his friend.

Nick softened. “Look Seb I watched you and Kurt fall in love. I’ve watched you spend so many beautiful moments together. I’ve watched you fall apart without him. What you and Kurt share, that’s a once in a lifetime love. You’re not going to find that with some random in the park.”

Sebastian didn’t get the opportunity to reply as Nick disappeared into the bathroom, instead he reached out and picked up the ring box from the table. He opened it slowly and gazed at the ring inside. It was still as beautiful and elegant as it had been yesterday. He still loved it just as much. Deep down he still loved Kurt as much too. He wasn’t sure what exactly had prompted his freak out this morning or why a slight infatuation and some light flirting with Mark had suddenly felt worth throwing away the love of his life for but suddenly thanks to Nick he was feeling clearer or was he? 

He didn’t know,as he took the ring from the box and examined it more closely, if he was ready to get married to Kurt. He pondered that, wondering how it might be any different from the last three and a half years they’d spent living together. Three and a half years of sharing household chores, budgeting and paying bills, caring for each other through illness and injury. It had been three and half years of co operation, communication. Three and a half years of love. So much love, hour after hour of it, often long into the night and it had always been spectacular. If that was what marriage was like Sebastian might just be up for it. He had to somehow get Kurt to stay in the city long enough to make it work though. Before he could do that he needed coffee and fresh clothes. He returned the ring to the box and got up.

Seb was changed and in the kitchen savouring a strong black coffee when Nick re-emerged. “I was thinking while I was in the shower,” Nick fetched himself a coffee mug, “I might know what Jeff was referring to about Kurt.”

“Oh?” Sebastian was almost afraid to know. His emotions were everywhere, all over the place.

“It was maybe 6 weeks ago I guess,” Nick poured himself some coffee. “Like we did with you we called Kurt every night just to make sure he was okay. We knew it was his choice to break up but still he struggled without you. Anyway on that particular night he didn’t answer. Jeff tried him multiple times on his cell. I did too, until maybe 9pm. Around 10:15, he finally called me back. He’d been in the emergency room. A customer at his father’s store had become disgruntled over his bill, called him multiple homophobic slurs and struck him multiple times with a steel wrench from the workshop. He was adamant that we not tell you.”

“Then why are you?” Seb felt so helpless that he’d been unable to assist Kurt in his hour of need. 

“I didn’t want you to think he’d been unfaithful and retaliate with the jogger,” Nick stated bluntly.

“How badly was Kurt hurt?” Seb wasn’t sure if he wanted to know but really he couldn’t stand not knowing. “Why wouldn’t he want me to know?”

“Mostly just bruises,” Nick replied evasively. “And what would you have done if you’d known?”

“Mostly?” Seb wasn’t convinced. “I might have gone to him or at least called him.”

“He sustained a hairline fracture to one rib. Kurt’s a trooper though. He never complained,” Nick sounded proud of Kurt. “I’m sorry Seb. Maybe we should have told you.”

“He was my man,” Seb looked suddenly devastated.

“So you do want to be with him,” Nick smiled knowingly.

“I honestly don’t know what I want,” Seb sipped his coffee. 

“I think you do,” Nick looked over at the ring box. “You deserve to be happy Sebastian.”

“I was happy,” Sebastian sighed. “For four years I was happy.”

“You and Kurt can have that again,” Nick sounded confident. 

“That’s easy to say but he’s going back to Ohio and I’m going to be here and sure Zoom is great and all but I can’t hold him on Zoom. I can’t kiss him,” Sebastian sounded defeated.

“You could go with him,” Nick suggested. “Just until Burt’s better. Your parents are still out there. Your dad could get you a job in his department or they’re are probably plenty of solicitor jobs in Lima. It would save you a shit load of money. Do you have any idea how much cheaper rent is in Ohio?”

“It’s not like I never thought about it,” Sebastian sighed. “It feels like such a step backward though.”

“Sebastian, Kurt is a NYADA trained Tony nominated Broadway Star and he’s working in a fucking garage in Hicksville Ohio. I think you’ll cope.”

Seb shook his head. “I don’t know,” he said yet again. “I just don’t know Nick.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I updated ‘Kurt’s angel’ yesterday. Please give it a read and let me know what you think.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt and Seb fight their way to resolution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for arguing 
> 
> This is a shorter one for Elle_delajoie  
> Don’t be afraid!
> 
> I haven’t given it a proper proofread so my apologies if there’s a million typos. I’ll get to it later today.

The relief and love that Sebastian saw in Kurt’s eyes as he reentered Burt’s hospital room should have alleviated any doubts Sebastian had about a future with Kurt and yet somehow it sat like a heavy weight in the pit of his stomach. He smiled warmly at Kurt none the less. “I picked us up coffee’s and danishes,” he pecked Kurt’s cheek, offering him a mug. “How’s Burt doing?”

“He was awake for about an hour. He had some water and told me how dreadful he felt. The doctor is pleased with how he’s doing under the circumstances though,” Kurt half smiled as he accepted the coffee. “Thank you,” he murmured. “Where’d you go?”

“For a jog,” Seb replied honestly. “Then I dropped by home to check on Nick.”

“You jog now?” Kurt side eyed Sebastian. “When did that start?”

“It keeps me fit for lacrosse,” Seb shrugged. Technically that was true. Talking about his poor mental health was difficult for Sebastian and he definitely didn’t want to tell Kurt about his other motivation at the park.

“Makes sense,” Kurt nodded, inhaling his coffee before taking a sip. “Was Nick okay? I would never have told you if I’d known it was going to cause trouble.”

“Nick’s fine. He’s gone home. Seems there’s been plenty you haven’t told me though,” Sebastian look unimpressed. 

“I’m sorry I’m preoccupied with dad and haven’t had a chance to catch you up  
on everything.” Kurt snapped slightly at Sebastian. “Maybe if you’d been here this morning when I woke we could have talked.”

“I’m here now,” Sebastian sat down the box of danishes he was holding and took a gulp of his coffee, thinking in the moment that he’d rather be looking at Mark’s smiling face than Kurt’s surly one. “You shouldn’t have asked our friends to hide your assault from me.”

“It was nothing,” Kurt looked surprised that Sebastian knew. “Just an upset customer and an evening at the ER.”

“A cracked rib isn’t nothing,” Sebastian sighed. “You should have called me.”

“We were broken up,” Kurt looked helplessly at his boyfriend.

“You should have called me,” Sebastian repeated with more conviction. “Is it healed now?”

“It is,” Kurt nodded. “I’m sorry I wanted to call. I just... I didn’t know if you’d even want to talk to me after what I did.”

“I’ll always want to talk to you,” Seb eyed Kurt tenderly. “No matter what. If I’d known what you were going through I’d have come to Ohio and taken care of you.”

“I know,” Kurt nodded, focussing on his coffee. “But I couldn’t have you uprooting your life for me.”

“Do you still really want to be with me?” Sebastian asked Kurt bluntly.

“More than anything,” Kurt nodded. “How could you ask that? I love you Sebby.”

“Why was it so easy then for you to just break up with then when you went to Ohio? How was it that you breezed through every day without talking to me?” Sebastian’s voice cracked in anguish.

“Easy?” Kurt shook his head aggressively. “Fuck Seb! None of it was easy. I missed you every single moment of every single day. I missed your laugh, the sound of your voice, the taste of your skin. I missed your arms around me, your smell. I can assure you I didn’t breeze through anything. It was hard. Every single minute was a fight to cope without you. Why do you think I proposed to you? Because I don’t want to feel that way ever again.”

“There’s so much we need to work through before we can get married,” Sebastian offered. 

“Not in my eyes,” Kurt sighed. “I know that I want to spend the rest of my life loving you. I believe we can just deal with the rest as it presents.”

“You don’t think that’s a bit naive,”’Seb speculated.

“I think our love can conquer anything,” Kurt spoke confidently. “And if you don’t quite feel the same right now I have enough love to see us through until you do.”

“Do you really think I don’t love you?” Sebastian frowned. “I spent all night here with you last night Kurt.”

“And then fled at the earliest opportunity this morning,” Kurt reminded him.

“I went jogging, not to a strip club,” Sebastian defended himself. “I have a game tomorrow. I can’t win if I can’t run.”

“You won last season,” Kurt reminded him. “Look it doesn’t matter. I’m glad you’re taking care of yourself Babe.”

“It matters if you think I don’t love you,” Sebastian protested. “I love you Kurt.”

Kurt smiled and nodded. “Do you want to take a walk? If I have to listen to that heart monitor for one more second I might go crazy. Maybe we could home for a bit. Carole should be here soon.”

“That sounds good,” Sebastian agreed. 

Kurt grabbed his wallet and phone, checked his dad, pecked the old man’s forehead then took Seb’s hand. Their hands still fitted together perfectly and that comforted Kurt even though he couldn’t quite shake the feeling that something was off with Sebastian. 

“Tell me what you’re been doing for the past four months,” Kurt suggested as they left the room, both taking their coffees with them.

“I had a big case at work,” Seb began. He didn’t really have a lot to say. “Nick and Jeff gave me Kawhi. I played lacrosse, took up jogging, ate way too much pizza and wonton soup. Life was pretty lonely and uneventful. What about you?”

They stopped at the elevator and Kurt released Seb’s hand to press the button then quickly grasped it again. “Looks of book keeping and admin work, lots of oil, tyre and spark plug changes. I caught up with Mercedes for an afternoon when she was in town. We went to the Lima Bean. It wasn’t the same without you intruding into the moment.”

“Is that what I did?” Seb narrowed his eyes, sipping his coffee as the elevator reached their floor and the doors opened. 

“Sometimes,” Kurt grinned as they stepped into the already crowded space together. 

“All I wanted was to see the fire in your beautiful eyes.” Sebastian whispered against Kurt’s ear. 

“You wanted to see Blaine naked,” Kurt corrected him.

“Meh,” Seb scrunched his nose. “He’s got nothing on you.”

“Awww,” Kurt smiled. He pecked Seb’s cheek as they reached the ground floor. The doors opened. 

They crossed the foyer and stepped out onto the street. Kurt was relieved to be out of the air conditioned environment. In just the past day he already felt it dehydrating his skin. He needed to pick up a denser moisturiser. He also really wanted some fruit, some fruit salad in particular. 

“Can we drop by that cafe near the park?” Kurt checked with Seb as he finished off his coffee. “I really want some of their tropical fruit salad. They put dragon fruit and pomegranate in it and I’m pretty sure they import their banana and pineapple from Australia. I can’t get it in Ohio.”

“Sure,” Seb nodded grimacing, “Damn. We left the danishes behind.”

“Ugh! We did too,” Kurt looked disappointed. “I’m sure Carole will enjoy them.”

“As long as someone does,” Seb pulled Kurt a little closer as they weaved through peak hour pedestrians. Kurt liked it. 

He stood shoulder to shoulder with Seb as they waited for the lights to change. “I need a trash can,” he glanced around. 

“I’m sure they’ll have one at the cafe,” Seb responded, before finishing off his coffee too. 

“Are you okay?” Kurt gave Seb’s a small squeeze eyeing him with concern. “You know you can tell me anything right?”

“Anything?” Seb asked dubiously. 

“Of course,” Kurt nodded. “We’ve always confided in each other.”

“The ring...” Seb paused “Ugh! Your proposal Kurt... it’s really spooked me.”

“Oh,” Kurt’s face fell as the lights changed. He dropped Seb’s hand to cross the street ahead of him.

“Hey,” Seb stopped him by gripping his shoulder once they’d reached the other side. “It’s not that I don’t adore you or want to be with you, I just don’t know how we can be married and live in separate states. That’s not how I pictured wedded bliss.”

Kurt pulled away from Sebastian stepping aside so people could pass. “Obviously we’d wait until I could move back,” Kurt responded tensely.

“But we have no idea when that might be Kurt. You’re asking me to put my life on hold indefinitely,” Sebastian tried to reason with him.

“And that’s why I broke up with you,” Kurt shook his head. “I didn’t want you waiting around for me. Its just... I look at you now and I want to be with you so much and I know it’s selfish and way too much to ask but I need you. Why couldn’t you have just met someone else?”

“What if I did?” Sebastian thought of Mark. What they had wasn’t anything yet, barely a spark but it maybe had potential. 

Kurt bit into his bottom lip. He looked into Sebastian’s eyes, absolutely crushed. It felt like Blaine all over again except this was so much worse because Kurt loved Sebastian so much more. “Have you?” He asked quietly, fearfully.

Sebastian inhaled. He exhaled. “Let’s go home and talk,” he suggested softly. 

“No,” Kurt resisted. “Just tell me Sebastian because yesterday and last night you seemed all in. It was you who suggested we get back together. You said you haven’t seen anyone else.”

“I haven’t,” Sebastian responded honestly, “I don’t want to talk on the street Kurt.”

“What’s his name?” Kurt glared at Sebastian, his eyes welling with tears. 

“Mark,” Sebastian replied awkwardly. “We met at the park. We jog together.”

“Right,” Kurt sniffed. He turned away, feeling hurt and humiliated. “So this morning...” he fought to get words out. “after getting back together with me yesterday you left me to be with him?”

“I didn’t plan it that way,” Seb felt awful. “I didn’t know if he’d be there or not. Nothing’s happened. We haven’t even exchanged numbers.”

“But you like him,” Kurt fought tears. “You like him enough to question after four years whether you really want to be with me.”

“I’m not really with you though am I?” Sebastian’s voice was pained. “I’m here and you’re there and Kurt I love you for your compassion and caring for your dad but it’s just so difficult.”

“It’s difficult?” Kurt looked at Sebastian with wide furious eyes. “My father is dying while I sit back helplessly and watch Sebastian. That is difficult. I’m running his business which I’ve had no involvement in since I was in high school. That is difficult. I’m doing it all with a broken heart. That is difficult. But tell me Sebastian what exactly is difficult for you. Not having me around to suck your dick every morning? Is that why you’re picking up randoms in the park?”

“Being alone is what’s difficult,” Sebastian retorted. 

“But you’re not alone Sebastian. You have Jeff and Nick, you have Hunter and your dog,” Kurt reminded him.

“You know that’s not the same,” Sebastian argued.

“Oh and you have Mark,” Kurt replied sarcastically, forcing an exaggerated smile. 

Sebastian said nothing. He stared back at Kurt defeated.

“Do you want to know who is really alone Sebastian?” a single tear ran down Kurt’s cheek. “Me.”

“Kurt?” Sebastian uttered quietly, his heart breaking all over again.

“Do you have any idea what it was like after I was assaulted?” Kurt ran his hands aggressively through his hair. “By myself in the emergency room with no one to call. Do you know what that felt like that?”

“I’m sorry,” Seb reached for Kurt’s hand.

Kurt pulled away. “Is he hotter than me?” He goaded Sebastian. “Does he kiss better? Is his dick bigger?”

“I told you nothing’s happened,” Sebastian wanted to be clear.

“What’s stopping you?” Kurt demanded.

“You,” Sebastian sighed. “You’re stopping me. I love you but I just don’t know how to make us work anymore.”

“I have to help my dad Seb. That’s not negotiable. For years he was all I had,”

“I know,” Seb stepped into Kurt’s space and wrapped his arms around him. He cradled Kurt’s head against his shoulder, kissing the top of Kurt’s head as Kurt’s arms went around him. “I won’t see him again,” he declared decidedly. “And I think maybe I should consider coming back to Ohio with you.”

“But your job?” Kurt looked up into Seb’s face. “Your lacrosse team? Your life is here Seb.”

“I have no life without you Kurt,” Sebastian leaned down and kissed Kurt softly. “I’ll get a new job. They have solicitors in Ohio. They have lacrosse too.”

“Are you sure?” Kurt was afraid to be hopeful. He felt guilty about Seb uprooting his life.

“I think I am,” Seb nodded. “It won’t be forever and it might be nice to be closer for my parents for a bit. Our relationship could use some work.”

Kurt burst into tears. He’d been crying so much since he arrived back in New York, but these were tears of joy. 

“Please don’t cry honey,” Seb comforted Kurt, ignoring the hostile stares of some passers by. “How about we head home? I have a lot to organise.”

“I guess you do,” Kurt smiled through the tears. “So nothing happened with that guy for real?” he checked more seriously. 

“Nothing,” Seb confirmed honestly. 

“I still hate him,” Kurt pouted childishly.

“As is your right,” Seb chuckled lightly. He released Kurt, taking his hand instead. He lead him down the street toward their apartment, thinking how much he was going to miss the bustle and convenience of New York City. At least from now on he wouldn’t be missing Kurt. That made it all worthwhile.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A calmer conversation at home sees Kurt and Seb renegotiating their future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I’m going to say is this one felt good.  
> warnings for mentions of severe depression 
> 
> Mostly though just honesty and love.

Seb’s phone began to ring just as he was about to unlock his apartment door. Kurt took his keys from him and let them in as he took it from his pocket.

“Ugh! It’s Jeff,” Sebastian rolled his eyes as he followed Kurt inside and closed the door behind them, “I so don’t want to talk to him.”

“Answer it,” Kurt pushed Seb gently. “You two need to make up before you leave New York.”

“I’ll call him back later,” Seb flopped onto the sofa, declining the call. He sat his phone on the table and gave Kawhi a pat as the dog nudged his leg with his nose. He reached out a hand to Kurt. 

Kurt took it. He sat down with Sebastian, nestling into his side, his head rested against Seb’s shoulder. He knew he should be feeling elated. Sebastian was going to be joining him in Ohio. They were going to be truely together again after all these months apart but instead he felt apprehensive. He felt guilty like somehow he was manipulating Sebastian into giving up the bountiful life he was leading in the city.

Sebastian had built himself a successful career. He had a good reputation across the city as a strong solicitor and was well on his way to becoming partner at his firm. Kurt was aware that all that would be lost if he moved to Ohio. He had his lacrosse team and was currently achieving well at an elite level and while he could play in Ohio Kurt knew the standard of the game was not as high there. Seb also had his friends here. Jeff, Nick, Hunter, Thad from Dalton, his work colleagues, his lacrosse team mates, Mark, could Kurt really expect Sebastian to give all them up? To give up his whole life up and start over for him?

Kurt knew it was only temporary. It was only a matter of time before Burt would either be back on his feet or gone. Then what? They return to New York and Seb starts all over again once more. His career wasn’t like Kurt’s. They were completely different in nature. Every new role for Kurt was a new beginning but for Seb his career relied on endurance, long term hard work. No matter how Kurt looked at it moving home would be a huge backward step for Seb. He didn’t feel at all good about that. 

Kurt placed a soft kiss to Seb’s shoulder. He glanced up into Seb’s face. His eyes were closed but he didn’t look relaxed. “What are you thinking honey?” Kurt uttered quietly.

“I have so much to organise,” Seb rested his head against the top of Kurt’s. “I need to find someone to sublet this place, pack what I need to take and organise storage for the rest. I need to give notice at work and start looking for something new in Ohio, let my lacrosse coach know I’m quitting and there’s probably heaps more I haven’t thought of.”

“What’s he like?” Kurt hadn’t meant to ask.

“Who?” Sebastian was distracted, lost in his head.

“Your jogging friend,” Kurt hated himself for not letting it go but he was suddenly feeling so insecure. Seb’s eyes had never wandered before so Kurt had never really considered the prospect of Seb maybe finding someone else even though they were broken up and he was totally free to. In his mind Seb was his no matter what. There had to be something special about this guy if he’d caught Seb’s attention.

“Really?” Seb sounded irritated. “I was lonely Kurt, that’s all. He was a friendly face.”

“I never wanted you to be lonely,”  
Kurt turned his body more into Sebastian’s and wrapped his arm around his middle. 

“I was really depressed,” Seb admitted, closing his arms around Kurt. “Without you. I mean, like, unable to get out of bed and function, kind of depressed. I was so heartbroken and angry, so lonely. Jeff and Nick saw and bought me the dog but a dog was no substitute for you Kurt. Even with Kawhi I still felt so low. My work began to suffer. I went online and googled ways to beat depression. It suggested all kinds of things, therapy and meds of course, a good diet, regular sleep and exercise. You know I’m not into therapy or meds and nothing effects my sleep so I added a few more veggies to my diet, put everything I had into my lacrosse game and started jogging. That’s when I met Mark. He’s funny, kind and complimentary. He gave me some of the attention I was craving without you around.”

“I had no idea you were feeling like that,” Kurt squeezed Seb a little tighter. “Jeff didn’t say a word.”

“You were my world for a long time Kurt,” Seb reminded him. “The best part of my day was always walking through that door at the end of it into your arms. No matter what had gone wrong or what I’d screwed up I always had the safety of your embrace. Your soothing words telling me that everything would be okay, that I was a good man, a loved man. Then you left that Saturday and I took you to the airport. I was fine, well not fine but I was coping. On the Sunday I went out with Hunter. We caught a game. I had fun. You didn’t call but I assumed you would soon. I was good. Monday was different. Waking up and getting ready for work without you was different. Not texting you throughout the day or calling you on my lunch break was different. It all hurt but coming home to an apartment void of you for the first time that...” Sebastian stopped talking. He clenched his eyes tightly closed then opened them and forced a smile. “Never mind,” he faked a chuckle. “I’m fine. Mark was nobody, just a pretty distraction.”

Kurt didn’t know what to say. He’d had no idea life had been so challenging for Sebastian. He now felt awful for the way he’d ranted at him on the street, for the way he’d completely dismissed his pain. He leaned up and placed a soft peck to Seb’s stubbled jaw. 

Seb kissed the top of Kurt’s head in response. “It wasn’t your fault,” Seb whispered into Kurt’s hair. “But I think maybe we could have done things differently, not talking all that time was crazy. We need each other.”

“I do need you,” Kurt agreed. “I feel awful dragging you away from your life here though. You’ll be giving up an amazing career handling high profile cases and earning big money to do conveyancing for Joe Bloggs for peanuts. I don’t want you to resent me when that doesn’t satisfy you. I love so much that you offered to move back to Ohio but I can’t let you. I love you too much. I want us to try the long distance thing first.”

“But...” Sebastian began to protest.

“Let’s just give it a month,” Kurt cut him off. “We’ll text at work, talk everyday at lunch and Zoom every single night if you want to. It might be fun,” Kurt ran his fingernails up Seb’s thigh suggestively. “You’ll be chatting to me so much you’ll be sick of me. We can take it in turns visiting each other every weekend and I know that will expensive but Dad has been paying me well and living in Ohio is costing me nothing so I have extra money saved.”

“I’m glad you do,” Seb was contemplating Kurt’s idea. “Paying the rent alone on this place has been killing my bank balance.”

“Have you considered getting a room mate?” Kurt couldn’t believe they hadn’t thought of it sooner. “You’d have some company and help with the bills.”

“Mark mentioned he was looking for a new place,” Sebastian hadn’t meant to mention that aloud.

“Umm no,” Kurt shook his head. “I trust you but no.”

“You know I would never cheat on you,” Sebastian spoke solemnly. 

“I do know that, Kurt smiled up at him. “No point tempting fate though.”

“A room mate isn’t a horrible idea,” Sebastian was considering it. “I really don’t know though Kurt.”

“Being apart won’t be the same as before,” Kurt promised. “This time you’ll know that I do want to be with you every single day. I just can’t have you making changes that will effect your life permanently in response to a problem that one way or another is only temporary. Let’s just try and see. If it doesn’t work we’ll talk and come up with another solution.”

“I’ll miss you,” Seb sighed. 

“I won’t give you the chance to,” Kurt grinned. “We’ll see each other all the time.”

“I guess,” Seb still seemed reluctant. 

“I know it’s not ideal,” Kurt could feel Seb’s hesitation. “but there is one way to guarantee I’ll always come back to you.”

“Huh?” Seb was lost in his head again thinking about how awful he was going to feel once Kurt was gone.

Kurt pulled gently free from Seb’s arm and took the engagement ring from the table. He opened the box again and presented it a second time to the man he loved. “Become my fiancé and once this is over and I can move back here and be with you we’ll get married. Don’t think Sebastian that I don’t know that marriage freaks you out but this way you’ll have time to get used to the idea.”

Seb shifted his gaze rapidly between Kurt’s face and the ring, between the ring and Kurt’s face. Both were beautiful, each in their own way. There was no denying for Sebastian that he loved Kurt and despite being temporarily distracted by Mark who he’d met when he was particularly vulnerable, he did want to be with Kurt. He took a second to think, to consider Kurt’s point of view. Kurt saw engagement very differently to Seb. He saw it as a tether that would keep them together even when they couldn’t be physically. For Sebastian who felt insecure about Kurt breaking up with him again that was reassuring. He couldn’t remember now why he’d been resistant before.

“Can you hold on a second?” Seb asked, getting up from the sofa. Kawhi followed him along with Kurt’s confused gaze as he disappeared into his bedroom. 

Kurt slammed the ring box shut in defeat, and dropped it on the table, He threw himself back against the sofa and growled under his breath in frustration. He considered getting up and following after Sebastian but Seb was back before he had the opportunity, smiling like a mad man. He was holding something in a closed fist but Kurt couldn’t tell what.

Seb’s face dropped slightly as noticed the box discarded on its side on the coffee table. “Can I see it again?” He gestured to the box with a nod as he sat beside Kurt.

Kurt picked it up and opened it. “Yeah of course.”

“It’s so beautiful,” Seb smiled. He breathed deeply shifting his gaze to Kurt’s eyes. The eyes that he’d been in love with for the last four years, gorgeous sparkling loving glasz eyes, “and I love you so much Kurt Hummel.”

“I love you too,” Kurt cupped Seb’s jaw with his free hand. “We can make this work Seb. I just know we can.”

“I think so too,” Seb smiled wide, nuzzling into Kurt’s palm. 

“You’re saying yes?” Kurt asked excitedly, almost two afraid to hope.

“I’m saying yes,” Seb nodded. “I’ll marry you. I’ll gladly wear your ring but only if you agree to wear mine.” Seb revealed the ring he and Hunter has chosen for Kurt almost six months earlier. Kurt teared up at the sight of it.

“Yes,” He squeaked. “Yes Sebby. A million times yes.”

“So that’s a yes then?” Seb laughed.

“Oh hell yeah,” Kurt nodded. He leaned in kissing Sebastian. It was short and sweet and overwhelmingly enthusiastic. “So you just had this lying around in there?  
Kurt admired the ring Seb was offering him. 

“Do you like it?” Seb checked, sliding it onto Kurt’s finger. It fit perfectly and looked even more stunning than Seb had imagined it would on Kurt’s finger.

“It’s...” Kurt looked down at speechless. “When did you buy this?”

“Just before your dad’s diagnosis,” Seb shrugged. 

“Awww Seb,” Kurt kissed him again. “It’s maybe the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen aside from you.”

“I’m so glad,” Sebastian beamed. He looked expectantly at Kurt, waiting for his ring. 

“Oh shit,” Kurt giggled as he realised. “I suppose you want yours.”

“Yeah kinda,” Seb nodded, grinning from ear to ear.

Kurt removed it from the box. He took Seb’s hand and kissed his palm. “I’m going to make you so happy fiancé,” he slipped the ring onto Sebastian’s finger admiring it possessively. “It suits you.”

Seb placed his hand in Kurt’s admiring their rings side by side. For the first time in months he felt good inside. He felt relieved and whole again. It wasn’t just their new jewellery, he was feeling a new kind of connection to Kurt. “I think we need to organise an engagement party for before you head back to Ohio,” Seb suggested. “Share our good news with everyone.”

“I think that’s a great idea,” Kurt nodded. “There’s really something else I’d like do first though.”

“Oh you mean tell your dad?” Sebastian jumped to his feet cluelessly. “Let’s head back to the hospital now.”

“Yeah I want to tell dad,” Kurt agreed. “But even before that...” he gave Seb a knowingly suggestive look.

“Oh,” Seb smiled wide as the realisation finally hit him. He was tired and apparently slow. “You mean...?”

“I want my fiancé,” Kurt stated bluntly, getting to his feet. He gripped the waist band of Sebastian’s pants and pulled him hard against his body. “Right here, right now.

“Yes,” Seb panted, his hands finding Kurt’s ass. “I want that too,” He rutted his hips in rhythm with Kurt’s. “They’ll be no living room sex once I have a room mate.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love is so grand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for anal sex and masturbation, a little jealousy and tons of mutual admiration

“Oh wow! Holy Fuck!” Kurt gasped for air. He kissed Sebastian appreciatively, his whole body buzzing with the pleasure of his after glow.

“Yeah, Something like that,” Sebastian chuckled, panting heavily. He lifted himself reluctantly from Kurt’s lap, grimacing softly as Kurt left his body and his release leaked down Sebastian’s leg. “I’d almost forgotten how amazing you feel in me.” 

“Give me a minute and I’ll be happy to remind you”, Kurt gripped Seb’s hips and pulled him back down on top of him. “I love watching you ride me. I swear  
I’m the luckiest man alive. My fiancé is so damn hot.”

Sebastian blushed slightly. He gripped Kurt’s shoulder’s for balance, burying his face in Kurt’s neck. He placed soft playful pecks, grazing his stubbled cheek against Kurt’s sensitive skin. Kurt’s shivered in response and tilted his head slightly to encourage his lover. 

“Maybe we should take this to the shower,” Seb suggested. He was sweaty and the cum drying on his skin felt gross. “It’s been a long time since I’ve pinned you to the tile and had my way with you.”

“Way too long,” Kurt agreed. He wanted a moment longer though. “Just stop a second,” he cupped Sebastian’s face in his hands. Looking tenderly into Sebastian’s eyes, he smiled. “Just let me look at you baby,” he spoke emotionally. “You are so beautiful.” He leaned in pressing his lips to Sebastian’s with a soft moan. 

Sebastian smiled into the kiss, his arms going around Kurt’s neck as he prolonged it, deepened it. His cock engorging once more as his tongue slid into Kurt’s mouth brushing against Kurt’s teasingly. A muffled groan escaped him as with a subtle involuntary buck of Kurt’s hips he felt Kurt’s renewed hardness graze his ass. He loved how responsive Kurt was to him, how much he was able to turn Kurt on by doing next to nothing. In all honesty he loved everything about Kurt. He couldn’t believe he’d been hesitant to become engaged to him, that he’d almost considered giving him up. 

Kurt gripped Seb’s ass as they continued to make out. Seb felt him shift beneath him to the edge of the sofa cushion. He wrapped his legs around Kurt’s waist and Kurt rose slowly to his feet. 

“You’re sexy as fuck,” Seb complimented him between kisses as Kurt carried him to the bathroom.

Kurt sat Sebastian against the edge of the bathroom sink, leaning him back slightly. He pinned his hands above his heads to the mirror behind him and forced his legs apart. Watching his own reflection in the glass, he gripped himself with his other hand and pushed into Sebastian’s already well worked hole. 

Sebastian groaned loudly in gratitude, instantly urging Kurt to move. He didn’t. Not for the longest time. He just stood soaking in the tight heat of the man he loved. 

“You’re killing me,” Seb whined, attempting to rock his hips but having little space to move.

“And what a heavenly way to go,” Kurt smirked, holding eye contact. He slowly, shallowly began to thrust, deliberately teasing Sebastian as he captured his lips again.

“Jesus Kurt, harder babe,” Sebastian sounded so desperate, so needy. Kurt loved that. He loved how badly Sebastian needed him, not the jogger from the park but him. He loved hearing him beg.

“No,” Kurt shook his head. He dragged Seb’s bottom lip between his teeth and nipped gently, distracting him from the pain with a single deep rapid thrust.

“You’ve got to at least touch me,” Seb pleaded, trying to free his hands, to regain some control over the experience.

“No” Kurt shook his head again. He watched himself pin Seb’s hands tighter to the glass. Excited by it he pushed in a little deeper, moved a little faster. 

“Oh fuck,” Sebastian cursed, his eyes rolling back in his head as Kurt lazily pounded his sweet spot. 

Kurt smirked. “You like that don’t you baby? My big cock in you,” He gloated finding a rhythm. “I have you totally at my mercy.”

Sebastian grunted in response. His eyes fell closed as he moved the little he could, revelling in the pleasure that surged from every nerve ending in his body. Sex with Kurt in the four years they’d been together had barely wavered. They had amazing chemistry and because of their emotional connection, because of the deep love they felt for each other every single time felt like the best sex Sebastian had ever had. Today though as sweat beaded on his forehead he had to admit this was a whole other level. It transcended anything he’d experienced before.

“I’m going to cum,” Sebastian clenched his thighs tight around Kurt’s waist as he felt the build up. He was ready to explode like a firecracker.

“Already?” Kurt reached between them and twisted Sebastian’s balls excessively hard. It hurt like a mother fucker and Sebastian’s eyes opened and widened as he cried out in pain, his erection ebbing slightly. “I don’t think so,” Kurt uttered with disgust. 

“What the fuck?” Sebastian protested as Kurt pulled out, leaving him empty and wanting. “What are you doing?”

“I was bored,” Kurt lied, rolling his eyes as he released Sebastian’s hands and stepped back stroking himself. “You’re usually much better than this.”

His balls throbbing, Sebastian frowned. He didn’t really know what to say as he slid down from the sink. He thought Kurt had been having a good time. 

“Well don’t just stand there,” Kurt sounded irritated as he gestured down to his dick. “This thing ain’t going to suck itself.”

Sebastian hesitated. He liked oral sex. He especially liked giving Kurt oral sex. He always enjoyed pleasuring his partner in that way. He liked the weight of Kurt on his tongue, the taste of him, how Kurt was the perfect length to make it past his gag reflex without triggering it. He was not however a fan of the whole ass to mouth thing and he knew that Kurt knew that.

“What are you waiting for?” Kurt asked abrasively. He sighed impatiently. 

“Is this about the way I fucked you yesterday?” Sebastian looked Kurt in the eye. He really didn’t appreciate the way Kurt was speaking to him. “Is it revenge?”

Kurt ignored the question. “Should I go put on jogging shorts for you?” He taunted. “Let you call me Mark?”

“What?” Sebastian’s eyes filled with pain. “Where the hell did that come from?”

“You want him Sebastian,” Kurt accused. “You weren’t even able to look at me just now. When you closed your eyes were you picturing him?”

“That’s ridiculous,” Seb defended himself. He reached out to Kurt. “Why would I be doing that? That was incredible Kurt. Like mind blowingly off the charts phenomenal. I didn’t close my eyes to avoid looking at you or to think of someone else. I was lost in the moment, in the sensations of being with the man I love after missing him for so long. It was you I was thinking of and how good you were making me feel.”

“Oh” Kurt looked into Seb’s eyes seeing nothing but sincerity. He sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m being neurotic.”

“Little bit,” Seb agreed.

“I guess jealousy isn’t a good look on me,” Kurt cringed. “I just don’t know how to process that you were attracted to someone else.”

“You’re blowing it out of proportion,” Seb was trying to be patient and reassuring despite his raging boner. “You’re the one I’m marrying.”

“I wasn’t really bored,” Kurt felt guilty now for saying that.

“I know,” Sebastian nodded confidently. “I’ve never felt you so hard before. It was hot.”

“And I’m sorry about your balls.”

You know I like a little of that but maybe not so hard next time,” Seb scrunched his face still feeling slightly tender.

“Sure,” Kurt smiled weakly. 

“I don’t want Mark to be a thing in our life Kurt, especially not in our sex life,” Seb pulled Kurt close. “When I’m with you baby. There’s no one else on his planet that I’m thinking of. I promise you that.”

“Maybe if I could just meet him,” Kurt grimaced as he asked, wrapping his arms around Seb’s neck. “I don’t know. I have this hot Adonis in my head who is making me feel so inadequate by comparison.”

“You are in no way inadequate babe,” Sebastian cupped Kurt’s jaw and stroked his cheek. He kissed him softly. He felt bad for making Kurt feel insecure. “I love you Kurt.”

“I love you too,” Kurt smiled, as they kissed again. “Still I want to meet him.”

“I don’t see how that will help anything,” Seb narrowed his eyes. “I told you I’m not seeing him again.”

“It will help me,” Kurt muttered. “When I’m back in Ohio and you’re still here jogging in the park.”

“I’ll quit jogging in the park,” Seb offered. “I’ll go online and order a treadmill.”

Kurt rolled his eyes. He stepped from Seb’s arms and opened the shower door. He reached in and turned on the cold water. He stepped beneath it, barely flinching then closed the door before Sebastian could join him. It was freezing, just the way Kurt always showered when he did it alone. It was good for his skin, improved circulation and almost instantly alleviated him of his pesky erection that he’d decided Sebastian no longer deserved, since he was refusing to take Kurt seriously.

“Turn on the hot water,” Sebastian opened the door and reached for the tap.

Kurt slapped his hand away. “Wait your turn.”

“You’re not serious,” Sebastian grimaced as he reached again through the cold water for the tap.

“It’s good for my skin,” Kurt frowned at him. “Besides I’m no longer in the mood. You’re not getting any of this,” he gestured down his body, “until you take me seriously and let me meet your boyfriend.” He reached for Seb’s shower gel.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Sebastian was clearly offended. “And to be honest I don’t appreciate you using sex to manipulate me.”

Kurt quickly soaped up his body, rinsed and turned off the water. “All yours,” He pettily sneered at his fiancé as he pushed past him and reached for a towel. He watched Seb in the mirror as he turned on the water and stepped beneath it. Steam rising, Seb closed the clear glass door and gripped himself in a tight fist. He stroked himself slowly. Kurt couldn’t help thinking how gorgeous he looked touching himself. He couldn’t help wanting him again. He was too stubborn to act on it though no matter how hard he might currently be. 

Instead Kurt just took his time drying his body. He watched openly as Seb’s wet hand slide repeatedly up and down his significant length, watched his face contort in pleasure then eventually his entire body shudder. Kurt squeezed himself, his towel falling to the floor as Seb locked eyes with him and moaned Kurt’s name in the most delicious tone, his release splattering against the shower tile. It was easily the most erotic thing Kurt had ever witnessed in his life. He swallowed hard, his eyes black with desire. He gave himself one quick tug, whimpered and came down his leg.

Seb eyed Kurt with impressed amusement as he exited the shower. He stepped close and trailed his fingers through the cum dripping down Kurt’s thigh. He offered it up to him. Kurt sucked at Seb’s fingers until Seb pulled them free. He watched in awe as Sebastian slide them into his own mouth and licked the last traces of Kurt from them. Seb moaned as if he’d just tasted the sweetest delicacy. “You don’t need to meet him gorgeous,” Sebastian gripped Kurt by the hair and kissed him hard, licking into his mouth. “He’s got nothing on you. You are perfection.”

“But...” Kurt began to protest, pulling away from the kiss to clean himself up.

“Trust me,” Sebastian looked Kurt up and down. “I know what I have Kurt. I won’t do anything to fuck this up.”

“Okay,” Kurt nodded uneasily . “I do trust you. You’ve never given me reason not to.”

“We’re gonna be married,” Seb smiled at Kurt. He reached down picking Kurt’s towel up from the floor. “Cover yourself Babe.” he suggested handing it to him, “or I’m going to be needing you again.”

“I’m beginning to think you just want me for my body,” Kurt smirked at Seb as he accepted the towel and wrapped it around his waist.

“Na,” Seb shook his head. He pecked Kurt’s cheek as he pulled his own towel from the rail. “Your body is just an exquisite bonus. You know I love you for your kind heart and your willingness to put up with me.”

“Putting up with you isn’t so bad,” Kurt smiled, borrowing Seb’s hair brush and a little product because they’d left all his things at the hospital earlier. He quickly fixed his hair while Seb dried himself.

“Are you as starving as I am?” Seb rose an eyebrow at Kurt as he wrapped himself in his towel. He moved in behind Kurt, wrapping his arms around Kurt’s middle and kissing his neck. “We look good together,” he admired their reflections in the mirror.

“We’ve always been good together,” Kurt smiled, turning his head to kiss Sebastian’s jaw. “I wish I could just stay here with you forever.”

“Your Dad will be well in no time and you’ll  
back here in my arms. Until then at least we’ll get 2 nights a week together, maybe even 3 sometimes. I was thinking I’ll organise with my boss to put in longer days during the week so I can get Monday’s off when it’s my turn to visit you. That way I can just fly back in time for Lacrosse,” Sebastian was feeling good about their planned arrangement. Anything was better than the complete radio silence they’d had previously. “Before we head back to the hospital to tell your dad our good news we should check out some flights.”

“Definitely,” Kurt agreed. “I need clothes and food. When are you going to tell your parents?”

“Are you planning to stay at the hospital tonight?” Seb checked. “Because if not I’ll probably call them when we get home. I kinda haven’t Umm... I didn’t exactly tell them yet that we broke up.”

“Why not?” Kurt was a little surprised. He stepped out of Seb’s embrace to let him use the mirror.

“I never said out loud,” Seb looked lightly ashamed. “Not once. It hurt too much.”

“So they think we’ve been together this whole time?” Kurt felt awkward. 

“They knew you were in Ohio,” Seb supplied, styling his hair. “They just didn’t know you were single in Ohio.”

“Okaaaay,” Kurt nodded. “We’ll call them when we get back. I think Carole wants to stay with Dad tonight.”

“Are you okay with that?” Seb checked, as far as he was concerned Kurt’s well being came first.

“Yes,” Kurt followed Sebastian from the bathroom out into the kitchen. “I’m sure I’ll be very comfortable here in the guest room.”

“You’re not sleeping in the guest room,” Sebastian corrected him heading straight for the pantry and pulling out a box of pasta and a jar of ready made sundried tomato pesto and showing them to Kurt. “I was being a petty asshole. I need you with me.”

“But you were so adamant,” Kurt teased him nodding. He took a saucepan from the cupboard and filled it with water. It was a quick easy nutritious meal that would cook while they got on with other things. “You even aired it out for me.”

“Don’t remind me,” Sebastian was embarrassed. “It wouldn’t have worked. I’d have only ended crawling into the bed in there with you in the night.”

“But Mr Smythe,” Kurt feigned horror, giving his fiancé his worst Southern Belle accent as he put the water onto boil. “that just wouldn’t be proper.”

“I think we let proper go when I was riding you on the sofa,” Seb sat the pasta and pesto down on the the countertop. “We probably have time to get dressed while we wait for the water then we can check flights while it cooks and we eat.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Kurt smiled, stepping past Seb and heading for the guest room where he’d left his clothes. 

“Nick moved your things to our room,” Seb led the way. 

“Very presumptuous of him,” Kurt fake frowned.

“He knows true love when he sees it,” Seb appreciated Nick support of his relationship with Kurt. “He told me this morning that I needed to stop being a dick and just marry you.”

“That’s good advice,” Kurt smiled as Seb opened up his closet to reveal all his clothes inside. He picked himself an outfit as Seb moved around choosing clothes for himself.

“He loves you,” Seb grinned, watching Kurt with amusement as he hid sheepishly in the corner of the room to dress. “Apparently not as much as Jeffie though... what are you doing?”

“I’m getting dressed,” Kurt replied unaware that he was self consciously hiding his body from his fiancé.

“Okay,” Seb decided to let it go. It had been a long time since they’d shared a bedroom. If Kurt needed time to feel comfortable with that again Seb would give it to him. He focussed on dressing himself. He smiled each time his engagement ring caught his eye. Kurt really had impeccable taste. Kurt was really his fiancé. A week ago as he moped around alone in this apartment, he never would have imagined it or how elated it would make him feel.

“I’ll put the pasta on,” Kurt offered as he did up the last button on his shirt. “The water should be ready now.”

“I’ll be right out,” Seb acknowledged. “Thank you.”

Kurt crossed the living room, where Kawhi slept on his bed. He’d never really owned a pet before but he liked the dog. He looked forward to getting to know the cute little guy better now he’d be visiting regularly. 

As he went to the stove and poured some pasta into the boiling water he was excited about what his future might hold. He hoped his dad would be around to share it. He gave the pasta a quick stir with a wooden spoon and added salt then grabbed some bowls from the cupboard and waited.

Seb soon surfaced. Carrying his laptop, he took a seat on a stool at the kitchen counter opposite Kurt. He sat down the device, opened it and began to type. “Since you’re here now. I’ll start by booking me to Ohio. Where do you even live? Are you staying with your dad?”

“No I have an apartment, well it’s more of a room behind the shop,” Kurt informed him. “It’s cosy and it’s nice. It has a large bay window that gets good light. I have my bed and tv in one corner, a kitchenette in another and small combined bathroom and laundry. There’s room for an overnight guest as long as they’re happy to share my bed.”

“Is that so?” Seb chuckled. “And just exactly how many guests have you had?”

“I’m pathetic,” Kurt scrunched his nose, stirring the pasta again. “Just the one. I told you I caught up with Mercedes. Oh when you’re booking my flights, don’t forget I need to be in New York for Jeff’s birthday party. Just pay for them with my paypal. My password is still our anniversary.”

“What time is good for you on Friday nights?” Seb checked. 

“Unfortunately no earlier than 4:30pm” Kurt grimaced. “Friday’s can be busy. People always want their cars fixed last minute before the weekend and I’ll take the very last flight back Sunday night. The longer I can have with you the better.”

“This is going to suck isn’t it?” Seb sighed sadly as he started booking their flights. 

“A bit,” Kurt nodded pulling a colander from a drawer and draining the pasta, “but with our flights booked at least when we’re not together we can be looking forward with certainty to being together again or if we’re missing each other or one of us is having a bad day we can always talk it out.”

“It was hell not talking to you,” Seb thought aloud as he confirmed 3 flights for himself. He was keen to see Kurt’s new place.

“For me too,” Kurt agreed, dividing the pasta between two bowls. The servings were huge but both men were hungry. Kurt opened the pesto jar and spooned some over each dish stirring it through. “Do you want grated Parmesan honey?”

“Na, I’m good,” Seb was concentrating on flights for Kurt. It felt so good doing these kinds of things together again.

“Eat up then,” Kurt nudged Seb’s bowl across the counter top along with a fork. He placed any dirty dishes in the sink, rinsed and recycled the pesto jar then took a seat next to Seb with his own meal. It felt like old times again. Looking down at his engagement ring as he ate he couldn’t stop smiling. As soon as his dad was well again he was going to become a Smythe. Kurt knew that would have absolutely disgusted Seb’s grandfather but he didn’t care. They were in love and both happier than they’d been in months, nothing was going to stop Kurt from enjoying that today with the man he loved.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt and Seb discuss wedding plans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like this story but haven’t updated in forever so here you go...
> 
> Just to recap in case you’ve forgotten Burt’s in the icu in a New York hospital. He had a heart attack during cancer surgery.The boys just got engaged after 3 months of being broken up and Seb admitting he’d felt an attraction to Mark who he’d met while jogging.

Burt was awake when Kurt and his fiancé returned to the hospital. He looked greyish and weak but managed to muster a smile for the obviously reacquainted couple as they entered his room hand in hand. 

Without letting go of Seb, Kurt approached the bed and placed an affectionate peck to his dad’s forehead. “How are you feeling?” He asked with concern.

“Like I was backed over by a bus,” Burt groaned. He was tired and sore but very pleased to see his son and Sebastian.

“What are the doctor’s saying,” Kurt enquired anxiously. 

“They confirmed that they got the tumour with good margins,” Carole informed Kurt with relief. “They want to keep him in the ICU for another day just to monitor his heart then he’ll be moved to a ward.”

“That’s great news,” Kurt smiled. “Sebby and I kinda have some great news of our own.”

“You’re back to together?” Burt smiled at the pair. “Bout time. That is great.”

Kurt and Seb exchanged an excited glance. Beaming they held their ring fingers up in unison. “We’re engaged,” they exclaimed together.

Burt chuckled softly obviously thrilled despite grimacing in pain. Carole clapped her hands joyfully, dashing around the bed to hug the happy couple. “When’s the big day?” She asked excitedly.

“No rush,” Kurt nuzzled into Seb’s side affectionately, “We’re just gonna take life as it comes for the time being. I’ll be in Ohio working at the shop and Seb’s got his job here so... We’re just going to concentrate on rebuilding us first.”

“You two were meant to be,” Burt replied. “Congratulations. I’m so happy for you both.”

“We’re happy too,” Seb confirmed kissing Kurt’s cheek. “It’s been a rough few months apart.”

“For me too,” Kurt agreed wrapping his arms around his fiancé. “I missed you.”

“Why don’t you two go out and celebrate and leave this old guy to rest?” Burt suggested. His voice was weak and he was obviously struggling to stay awake. 

“I like that idea,” Kurt looked to Sebastian with a warm smile. He took his dad hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “I’m staying back at home with Seb. Please call us if you need anything otherwise I’ll see you in the morning.”

“I’ve got him,” Carole assured Kurt. “You two go and have a fun night. Congratulations on your engagement. We are so happy for you both.”

Kurt and Seb both hugged her. They bid her and Burt goodbye then left.

“How do you want to celebrate?” Seb asked Kurt as the approached the elevator. “If we hadn’t already eaten I’d have suggested our bistro.”

“I kinda just want you to take me home and love me Fiancé,” Kurt couldn’t get the ridiculous smile off his face as they stepped inside the lift. He took Seb’s arm and clung to his side.

“I’ll always love you,” Seb assured him as he pressed the button from the ground floor. “Fancy stopping for dessert on the way home. It’s weird but I’m craving a donut.”

“I’m still really wanting fruit salad,” Kurt replied. “What time does that cafe by the park close?”

Seb checked the time on his watch, certain that the cafe that Kurt was referring to remained open for dinner. “We should be good,” he mused, “but what about my donut?”

“Fruit salad is better for you,” Kurt reminded him as they left the elevator and headed out into the street. “It’s the best in New York.”

“Pfft,” Seb shook his head. “How good can fruit salad be?”

“We really need to work on your diet hun,” Kurt looked knowingly at his partner as they fell into step together on the pavement. The street was relatively quiet and it was dark out now. “Cut back on the sugar.”

“Engaged for 4 hours and you’re already trying to change me,” Seb rolled his eyes playfully.

“I don’t ever want you to change,” Kurt pecked his cheek. “I do however want you to live long into old age. I want you with me forever.”

“I’m a fan of that,” Seb smiled. “I’m so happy right now. Your dad is doing okay and we’re engaged with a plan to nurture us. What a difference a day makes.”

“I’m happy too,” Kurt smiled. He held the door open for Seb as they went into the cafe. It was busy, crowded, not an empty table in sight. 

“We might have to get it to go,” Seb looked a little disappointed as they stepped up to the counter together. He heard someone call his name as Kurt nodded and requested his fruit salad. Seb turned to see Mark waving. He gave a subtle wave back, ordering himself a piece of carrot cake. “Carrots are healthy right?” He grinned at Kurt, placing a protective hand on his lower back and praying that Mark wouldn’t come over. 

Sebastian wasn’t so lucky. He was never lucky except with Kurt and with him he knew he had really hit the jack pot. 

“Hey Seb,” Mark smiled as he approached Sebastian. He was dressed on a perfectly tailored business suit and looked beyond incredible, certainly not the sweaty tousled version of himself that Sebastian was accustomed to seeing jogging around the park. This was bad. It was really bad.

“Hi,” Seb smiled back as Kurt ordered them coffee.

“What are you doing here?” He was obviously thrilled to see Sebastian. “I’m just finishing up a work thing which kinda sucks on a weekend but what are you gonna do? This city never sleeps.”

“Just came from the hospital,” Seb explained. 

“Is that from friend from home?” Mark gestured to Kurt who was just done ordering. “Awww. He’s cute.”

“Yeah he is,” Seb agreed as they all stepped back from the counter. He didn’t want to introduce the pair. He just wanted to dissolve into the tiled floor.

“Do want to join me at my table?” Mark offered kindly. He was interested in Sebastian and keen to spend time with him. “We can have that coffee together after all.”

“We’d love to,” Kurt replied before Sebastian could decline offering a handshake. “Hi. by the way. I’m Kurt. Who might you be?”

“We really can’t stay,” Seb interrupted the interaction before Mark was able to respond.

“Oh,” Mark looked disappointed. “Will you be in the park in the morning for a jog then?”

“You’re Mark,” Kurt plastered on a fake smile on his face as he took in the extremely hot guy before him. Kurt had imagined an Adonis but Adonis had nothing on his guy. He was tall, dark haired, very fit and extremely handsome with heavenly eyes and an extraordinary smile. Kurt understood why Seb liked him. This wasn’t the kind of guy that walked around every day in real life. He was straight off a super model cat walk.

“Yes,” Mark nodded, quietly pleased that Seb had mentioned him to his friend. “Seb told me about your father. I’m very sorry. How long are you in town for?”

“Until Monday,” Kurt replied politely, waiting as their order was called for Sebastian to tell this guy about his engagement. He didn’t. Kurt collected their order, juggling the items as Seb ushered him hastily out of the cafe with a quick good bye to Mark.

“He’s stunning,” Kurt uttered coldly, making no eye contact as he handed Seb his coffee and cake. “He likes you.”

Seb sipped his coffee. He said nothing. 

“I’ve gotta say you certainly undersold him,” Kurt sounded so hurt and that hurt Sebastian too.

“He’s not anyone,” Seb attempted to reassure Kurt.

“I love you Sebastian. I trust you with my life but I’m not certain I believe that. Why didn’t you tell him we’re engaged?” Kurt asked with an accusing glare. “Trying to keep your options open?”

“I love you too and you know I’m not that guy,” Sebastian glared back. “You know me Kurt by heart. That whole thing in there was awkward. If you want me to I’ll go back in there and tell him now.”

“If you wanted to, you would have already,” Kurt sighed. “Maybe you can tell him in the morning when you two jog together,” Kurt snapped at Seb passively aggressively. “He doesn’t even know we’re a couple does he? He thinks I’m just your friend.”

“I’m not jogging in the morning,” Seb grimaced. 

“Do what you want,” Kurt dumped his fruit salad and full coffee angrily in the trash and stormed off.

Seb was about to go after him when Mark came out of the cafe demanding his attention. Kurt saw them talking as he turned the corner. They looked truely beautiful together. With tears in his eyes he hailed a cab. With nowhere else to go he headed to Jeff and Nick’s place. Seb reached the corner just in time to see him drive away. “Fuck it,” he cursed in frustration.

Seb immediately took his phone from his pocket and called Kurt. Kurt childishly declined the call after just one ring. Seb tried and again and Kurt did the same. “Damn it Kurt,” Sebastian huffed trying a third time then a fourth and a fifth. On the sixth attempt Kurt finally answered. “What do you want Sebastian?” He asked harshly.

“All I want,” Seb spoke honestly from the bottom of his heart, “is you.”

“What about your supermodel boyfriend?” Kurt’s tone was snarky.

“My supermodel boyfriend became my fiancé today,” Sebastian spoke sincerely.  
“I can’t wait to make you my husband.”

“You think you’re so clever, so smooth, don’t you?” Kurt sounded so cynical.

“I think there will never be anyone I love as much as you.”

“I’m staying at Niff’s tonight,” Kurt stated bluntly.

“No,” Sebastian whined. “Please come home. We have so little time together before you go back to Ohio. I had the whole morning planned for tomorrow. I was kinda hoping we might have a sleep in, have some hot fiancé loving and a nice leisurely breakfast together in bed.”

“Sex isn’t a plan Sebastian,” Kurt rolled his eyes. 

“I think it’s a damn good plan,” Seb smirked. “Come home. We don’t even have to if you don’t want to. We can just talk, start throwing around wedding ideas, snuggle... I don’t know.”

“I saw you talking to him. Did you tell him?” Kurt wasn’t messing around.

“I told him,” Sebastian confirmed. “He congratulated us.”

“Are you still with him?” Kurt checked. He wasn’t used to this unfamiliar jealous, insecure feeling that was festering inside him. It was ugly and he didn’t like it. 

“No. I’m walking home.” 

“You should go to him,” Kurt told Sebastian diplomatically. “Spend tonight with him. Go and get him out of your system. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I’m so not doing that!” Sebastian was beyond offended. “What the fuck Kurt?”

“I can’t compete with him Sebastian,” Kurt felt defeated. He was exhausted. “I’m giving you a hall pass and I never want to hear about him ever again.”

“I don’t want a fucking hall pass,” Sebastian was really pissed off now. “Is this so you can hook up with Niff?”

“Sure why not?” Kurt shrugged. “Maybe our whole engagement thingy was just a bad idea.”

“You didn’t just say that,” Sebastian was heart broken. “I made a friend and yes he’s attractive and yes there was a little flirtation and the slightest of sparks but that doesn’t compare in any way with the four years of my life that I’ve spent loving you Kurt. I want to be with you. I want be your husband. I want to build a home and a family with you. Don’t you dare try to tell me our engagement was a bad idea. It’s the best idea we’ve ever had. I love you Kurt.”

Kurt said nothing.

“Are you still there?” Seb asked after a moment. 

“I’m here,” Kurt confirmed quietly, getting out of his cab. He stood on the pavement thinking, waiting.

“I don’t want the hall pass,” Seb spoke adamantly. “I want...” he paused as he turned the corner, laughing as he saw Kurt waiting for him outside their building. He ran to him and embraced him. Kurt held him tight. Kurt cupped Seb’s jaw. They kissed, slow and deep.

“I don’t want the hall pass,” Seb repeated. “I just want you.”

“How long does it take to get a marriage license?” Kurt asked as he lead Seb into their building. 

“I think we just need to go to city hall and apply. Maybe takes a few days. Why?” Seb was a little confused.

“I want to do it next weekend,” Kurt told him decisively. “Before I go back to Ohio.”

“I don’t think city hall is open on the weekend hun. If you want to apply for a marriage license we’ll have to go during the week. I’m pretty sure they’re only valid for a limited time though once you apply so probably need to wait until we’ve set a date,” Seb let them into the apartment.

“I’m not talking about the licence,” Kurt flopped on the sofa. “The wedding. I’m talking about the wedding. I want to do it next weekend.”

“What’s the rush?” Sebastian was trying to catch up.

“Rush?” Kurt frowned. “We’ve been together four years. It’s hardly a rush and you saw Dad today. I don’t know who much longer we might have him. I need to do it while he’s still around.”

“So It has nothing to do with you feeling threatened by Mark or being afraid I’m going to start something with him when you’re not around?” Seb hated asking but he needed to know.

“I don’t know,” Kurt replied honestly. “I don’t know Seb. All I know is I love you and I don’t want to lose you again and I’m afraid... I mean the way he looked at you Seb... I don’t know.”

“I met him when we were apart,” Seb reminded Kurt. “We are back together now. We are engaged. You have to know that no matter how any guy looks at me I’m yours Kurt. I’m not ever going to cheat on you.”

I know that,” Kurt didn’t sound confident. 

“Look if you want to get married next weekend, I guess I’m in as long as we’re doing it for the right reasons.”

“We love each other. Isn’t that the best reason of all?” Kurt smiled. 

Seb nodded. “A week isn’t long enough to plan a wedding though.”

“Leave it to me,” Kurt smiled. “We only need something simple.”

“You deserve the best wedding money can buy,” Seb finally joined Kurt on the sofa. 

“It’s the marriage that matters not the wedding,” Kurt reminded Sebastian. “We need a location, a celebrant, flowers and decorations. A cake and a caterer.”

“Music and wedding rings,” Seb added. “What about invitations? There’s a lot Kurt. Suits, transport.”

“We’ll design fancy e-vites,” Kurt told him decisively. “And get Elliott to do the music . It’s been decided. Saturday or Sunday?”

“Saturday I guess but where?” Deep down Seb was excited but he was also very anxious and apprehensive. He wasn’t sharing Kurt’s enthusiasm.

“Let’s check on Airbnb and hire a beach house in The Hamptons. We can do it on the beach at sunset,” Kurt suggested. “It would be romantic.”

“I’m not sure your dad will be well enough to take a trip to the Hampton’s on the weekend though,” Seb was being practical.

“That’s probably true. How about similar idea but a Manhattan penthouse then? There has to be one available with a large terrace we could get married on. We’ll get Elliott to sort music and have a cocktail party with finger foods.”

“Is that really what you want?” Seb sounded uncertain.

“I want to be married to you,” Kurt shrugged. “I promise you it will be great.”

“I really don’t see any harm in waiting,” Seb replied cautiously. “I only plan for us to marry once and I was kinda hoping it would be followed by a long, romantic honeymoon, not by you dashing off to Ohio again.”

“You’re having second thoughts about being with me,” Kurt accused pouting. “You’ve got Mark now after all.”

“You’re mean when you get crazy,” Seb frowned. 

“So now I’m crazy?” Kurt glared at him. 

“You are if you think I’d chose Mark or anyone over marrying you,” Seb told him sharply. “I just want our wedding to be special. I imagined we’d take our time and plan every detail together. Have monogrammed napkins and tailored tuxedos. A proper band. I don’t know.”

Kurt sighed and got up from the sofa. “I’m going to bed.”

“I’ll take the dog out and be right in,” Seb smiled softly. 

Kurt went to their bedroom and changed while Seb woke Kawhi and took him out for a brief walk. Once ready for bed Kurt stood in the corner of the room and looked at the bed. This was the bed he’d bought with Seb, that they’d shared together a thousand times. Tonight however with Marks image eating at him he couldn’t bring himself to climb into it. It didn’t feel right. He left the room and walked down the hall. Seb had aired the guest room for him he would use that tonight. He stepped inside, turned on the light and decisively closed the door behind him.


End file.
